"Weight Loss" Quotes (page 6)

Every line from The Office season 5, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 25, 2008.

569 quotes · page 6 of 6

Meredith

Nothing.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23114
Dwight

Dripping on me.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23115
Michael

Darryl, would you do the honors?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23116
Darryl

Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. Sorry guys.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23117
Michael

Nonono, no, no, I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23118
Stanley

I don't know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I'm just gonna take five days off anyway.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23119
Toby

Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23120
Kelly

I'm doing the blood type diet.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23121
Meredith

Who gives a f[bleep]?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23122
Kelly

What'd you say h[bleep]?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23123
Holly

Okay, great. I got it.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23124
Dwight

Look what just arrived from the Nashua branch. 'Here's something to enjoy on your three non-vacation days. Nashua branch.' Can I send them a dead deer?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23125
Michael

No, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna take that and we are going to us it as a reward for the end of our competition.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23126
Dwight

Classy.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23127
Dwight

My dream vacation? I sleep in, putter around the farm, go fishing for a few hours, take a long run in the forest, check the traps. Then the sun comes up and I head into work, which is empty, because everyone else is out of town on vacation.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23128
Oscar

Nice job, Kevin.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23129
Oscar

I'm pretty fit. But in the gay community, there's a lot of pressure to be ripped. I got straight abs. I want gay abs.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23130
Oscar

Can you turn the heat down now - it's oppressive.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23131
Andy

Yeah, totally. I'm sorry, Oscar. Yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23132
Oscar

It's just...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23133
Andy

Cause it's kind of bothering all of us, 'cause it's really hot, you know, it's hot, so we can lose weight, so we don't screw up this whole contest for the entire freaking office, but if you want, I'll turn it down.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23134
Michael

Hello, hello. Hey! Your face is almost back to normal.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23135
Meredith

One more kid calls me 'Hellboy,' I swear to God...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23136
Dwight

Oh, you wish. Hellboy's a hero.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23137
Meredith

These guys took me out on their fishing boat. I don't think I caught anything.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23138
Oscar

Have you been to the beach yet?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23139
Toby

No, but I'm going zip lining tomorrow, through the, through the rainforest, with this cool couple I, I met at my hotel. Wo-woman's amazing...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23140
Michael

Hey, Oscar! Come on, let's go!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23141
Oscar

Okay, Toby, I gotta go.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23142
Toby

Hey, is that Michael? Does he miss me? Uh, Oscar? Are you there? Hello?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23143
Michael

I am suspending you without pay for the rest of the year.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23144
Jim

No, you're not.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23145
Michael

Okay, no, I am not. Dwight! I want you to take Jim's chair. No! No! His chair at his desk. He gets it back on Friday.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23146
Dwight

All right!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23147
Michael

I want you to get your ass out of my face.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23148
Jim

Yeah, well, if you're only free till three on Sunday and I can't get there till one, then it's gonna be pretty tight.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23149
Michael

That's what she said.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23150
Jim

Hey, can you not?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23151
Dwight

Can you not? No sitting devices, Michael's rules.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23152
Jim

No, no, no, definitely, definitely. Yes. Next weekend, then. All right! I love you, too.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23153
Dwight

Gah!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23154
Darryl

Hey, um, my daughter said you traded her a headband for her Nintendo DS?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23155
Kelly

Oh yeah, she loves that headband.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23156
Darryl

She's six.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23157
Kelly

She manipulates you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23158
Darryl

Okay, I'm gonna need you to make this right or else we can't be right.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23159
Kelly

I never know when you're kidding.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23160
Jan

I can't feel... I can't feel anything that you're doing, Michael.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23161
Michael

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23162
Jan

It's like nothing's happening.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23163
Michael

You're...you know what? I read in one of those books that you're not even supposed to give foot massages because it can induce labor.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23164
Jan

Oh, just stop making excuses and just dig in there.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23165
Michael

I'm digging.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23166
Jim

When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us all to believe that he was the father... by telling us he was the father. But then we got this e-mail from Jan. 'Hi, everyone! Jan here, writing to share some wonderful news and to quash a rumor. First, the great news - I am expecting. The beautiful baby inside me will be ready to meet the world this fall just a few months before the launch of the new Serenity by Jan line (shameless plug, I know, don't hate me, LOL). Anyway, I also wanted to clarify that the father is not anyone that you or I have ever met. Remember, no matter how excited someone is about my baby, it does not make them the father. Best, Jan. P.S. Hope to ship you something soon.'

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23167
Michael

I can't wait to be a father. I'm going to smother that baby.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23168
Jan

Uh, new wicks from Craft Corner, uh, this dress returned to Suburban Casuals, and uh, panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23169
Michael

I really, I don't want to get panty liners, please...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23170
Jan

Well, I, you said you wanted to help, so I...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23171
Michael

I know, it's...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23172
Dwight

Will you be able to milk with those implants?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23173
Jan

You mean breastfeed?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23174
Dwight

Yeah. Easy there, old girl.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23175
Jan

Uh, I'm fine, thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23176
Dwight

Okay.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23177
Jan

Would you just call me when you're done with the errands, Michael?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23178
Michael

Yes.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23179
Dwight

Careful. Hmm. She was a keeper.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23180
Michael

I want you to get the panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23181
Dwight

Done.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23182