"Weight Loss" Quotes (page 6)

Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 25, 2008.

569 quotes · page 6 of 6

Meredith

Nothing.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23114
Dwight

Dripping on me.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23115
Michael

Darryl, would you do the honors?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23116
Darryl

Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. Sorry guys.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23117
Michael

Nonono, no, no, I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23118
Stanley

I don't know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I'm just gonna take five days off anyway.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23119
Toby

Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23120
Kelly

I'm doing the blood type diet.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23121
Meredith

Who gives a f[bleep]?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23122
Kelly

What'd you say h[bleep]?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23123
Holly

Okay, great. I got it.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23124
Dwight

Look what just arrived from the Nashua branch. 'Here's something to enjoy on your three non-vacation days. Nashua branch.' Can I send them a dead deer?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23125
Michael

No, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna take that and we are going to us it as a reward for the end of our competition.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23126
Dwight

Classy.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23127
Dwight

My dream vacation? I sleep in, putter around the farm, go fishing for a few hours, take a long run in the forest, check the traps. Then the sun comes up and I head into work, which is empty, because everyone else is out of town on vacation.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23128
Oscar

Nice job, Kevin.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23129
Oscar

I'm pretty fit. But in the gay community, there's a lot of pressure to be ripped. I got straight abs. I want gay abs.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23130
Oscar

Can you turn the heat down now - it's oppressive.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23131
Andy

Yeah, totally. I'm sorry, Oscar. Yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23132
Oscar

It's just...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23133
Andy

Cause it's kind of bothering all of us, 'cause it's really hot, you know, it's hot, so we can lose weight, so we don't screw up this whole contest for the entire freaking office, but if you want, I'll turn it down.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23134
Michael

Hello, hello. Hey! Your face is almost back to normal.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23135
Meredith

One more kid calls me 'Hellboy,' I swear to God...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23136
Dwight

Oh, you wish. Hellboy's a hero.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23137
Meredith

These guys took me out on their fishing boat. I don't think I caught anything.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23138
Oscar

Have you been to the beach yet?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23139
Toby

No, but I'm going zip lining tomorrow, through the, through the rainforest, with this cool couple I, I met at my hotel. Wo-woman's amazing...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23140
Michael

Hey, Oscar! Come on, let's go!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23141
Oscar

Okay, Toby, I gotta go.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23142
Toby

Hey, is that Michael? Does he miss me? Uh, Oscar? Are you there? Hello?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23143
Michael

I am suspending you without pay for the rest of the year.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23144
Jim

No, you're not.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23145
Michael

Okay, no, I am not. Dwight! I want you to take Jim's chair. No! No! His chair at his desk. He gets it back on Friday.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23146
Dwight

All right!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23147
Michael

I want you to get your ass out of my face.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23148
Jim

Yeah, well, if you're only free till three on Sunday and I can't get there till one, then it's gonna be pretty tight.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23149
Michael

That's what she said.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23150
Jim

Hey, can you not?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23151
Dwight

Can you not? No sitting devices, Michael's rules.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23152
Jim

No, no, no, definitely, definitely. Yes. Next weekend, then. All right! I love you, too.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23153
Dwight

Gah!

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23154
Darryl

Hey, um, my daughter said you traded her a headband for her Nintendo DS?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23155
Kelly

Oh yeah, she loves that headband.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23156
Darryl

She's six.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23157
Kelly

She manipulates you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23158
Darryl

Okay, I'm gonna need you to make this right or else we can't be right.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23159
Kelly

I never know when you're kidding.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23160
Jan

I can't feel... I can't feel anything that you're doing, Michael.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23161
Michael

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23162
Jan

It's like nothing's happening.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23163
Michael

You're...you know what? I read in one of those books that you're not even supposed to give foot massages because it can induce labor.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23164
Jan

Oh, just stop making excuses and just dig in there.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23165
Michael

I'm digging.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23166
Jim

When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us all to believe that he was the father... by telling us he was the father. But then we got this e-mail from Jan. 'Hi, everyone! Jan here, writing to share some wonderful news and to quash a rumor. First, the great news - I am expecting. The beautiful baby inside me will be ready to meet the world this fall just a few months before the launch of the new Serenity by Jan line (shameless plug, I know, don't hate me, LOL). Anyway, I also wanted to clarify that the father is not anyone that you or I have ever met. Remember, no matter how excited someone is about my baby, it does not make them the father. Best, Jan. P.S. Hope to ship you something soon.'

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23167
Michael

I can't wait to be a father. I'm going to smother that baby.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23168
Jan

Uh, new wicks from Craft Corner, uh, this dress returned to Suburban Casuals, and uh, panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23169
Michael

I really, I don't want to get panty liners, please...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23170
Jan

Well, I, you said you wanted to help, so I...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23171
Michael

I know, it's...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23172
Dwight

Will you be able to milk with those implants?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23173
Jan

You mean breastfeed?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23174
Dwight

Yeah. Easy there, old girl.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23175
Jan

Uh, I'm fine, thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23176
Dwight

Okay.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23177
Jan

Would you just call me when you're done with the errands, Michael?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23178
Michael

Yes.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23179
Dwight

Careful. Hmm. She was a keeper.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23180
Michael

I want you to get the panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23181
Dwight

Done.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23182