Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 11, 2007.
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Dwight
Three reams! Yoohoo... in your face, machines.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18247
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Pam
What kind of prank are you thinking?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18248
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Dwight
What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I'll hold.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18249
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DunMiff/sys
Who am I?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18250
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Dwight
You tell me.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18251
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Jim
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18252
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DunMiff/sys
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18253
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Dwight
How do I know this isn't Jim?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18254
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DunMiff/sys
What is a Jim?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18255
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Dwight
It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18256
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Michael
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18257
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Pam
Yes it's too tight.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18258
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Kelly
Waaay too tight.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18259
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Michael
Really?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18260
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Oscar
This is why I'm here?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18261
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Kelly
Why is it so tight?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18262
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Michael
It's the European cut.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18263
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Angela
Is just looks bad.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18264
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Michael
Umm... hey. Ah, what's hanging?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18265
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Tech Guy
Setting up the web-cam for the party.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18266
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Michael
Oh good. Okay cool. How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18267
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Kelly
Depends... how much have you eaten already today?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18268
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Michael
I had um, one of those danishes.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18269
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Pam
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18270
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Kelly
You had carbs? That's awful.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18271
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Pam
Uh, just one second. We're in a meeting and I'll see if he's available. It's Jan.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18272
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Michael
Why don't you wanna go tonight? What... all your friends are gonna be there. It'll be fun.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18273
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Jan
My friends? Michael, I was terminated.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18274
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Michael
Just...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18275
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Jan
Is it really that important to you?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18276
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18277
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Jan
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18278
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18279
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Jan
Go by yourself.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18280
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Michael
Na... no. No. If I go by myself everybody will think I'm a big loser.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18281
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Jan
Well...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18282
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Michael
Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18283
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Jan
What? No Michael!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18284
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Michael
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just the first... girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18285
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Dwight
Ohhhhhh!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18286
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Andy
Website check please.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18287
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Meredith
Three hundred and five.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18288
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Andy
Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18289
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Meredith
Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18290
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Andy
You my friend are in a very close second.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18291
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Meredith
Four-oh-two.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18292
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Andy
Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18293
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Meredith
What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18294
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Michael
So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18295
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Jim
Sure we'll go.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18296
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Michael
Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18297
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Jim
Oh I'm sorry. What?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18298
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Pam
One of the tickets is for him.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18299
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Michael
Just let me know who the winner is.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18300
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Pam and Jim
Not it.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18301
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Jim
Nope.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18302
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Pam
I won.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18303
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Jim
Definitely not. If anything it was a tie.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18304
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Pam
Tie goes to the girlfriend.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18305
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Dwight
No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesti... you did what? Ah no! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18306
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Jim
How's it going?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18307
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Dwight
Fine. Good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18308
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Jim
Yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18309
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18310
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Jim
You look a little worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18311
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Dwight
I do not look worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18312
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DunMiff/sys
You do look worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18313
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Dwight
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18314
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Pam
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read binary so why don't you zero one one, one one one one, zero one one zero one one.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18315
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Jim
Okay. Um, while you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oop, and sold more paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18316
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Angela
I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18317
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Phyllis
I want to understand what you're saying but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18318
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Angela
Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18319
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Phyllis
Yes.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18320
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Angela
Goodie.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18321
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Jim
Hey man.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18322
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Darryl
What's up man?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18323
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Jim
What's going on?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18324
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Darryl
Make a delivery.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18325
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Jim
Oh yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18326
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Darryl
Kelly ordered this online.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18327
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Dwight
What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18328
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Kelly
But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin.'
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18329
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Dwight
Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18330
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Darryl
Who knows?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18331
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Dwight
Return it! Return it now!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18332
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Darryl
Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk. Start sellin' multiple reams like a man.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18333
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Dwight
Y... You don't understand. If... okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18334
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Darryl
Who's it?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18335
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Darryl
Here you go.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18336
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Kelly
Thanks.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18337
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Darryl
So you still missing Ryan?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18338
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Kelly
Not so much anymore.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18339
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Darryl
Mmmmm.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18340
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Dwight
I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18341
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Dwight
Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18342
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Michael
Alright. I'm ready to go and I'm callin' shotgun.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18343
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Jim
I'm driving?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18344
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Michael
Yes. Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18345
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Jim
Alright, let me just say good-bye to Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18346