Every line from The Office season 4, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 11, 2007.
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Dwight
Three reams! Yoohoo... in your face, machines.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18247
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Pam
What kind of prank are you thinking?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18248
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Dwight
What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I'll hold.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18249
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DunMiff/sys
Who am I?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18250
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Dwight
You tell me.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18251
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Jim
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18252
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DunMiff/sys
Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18253
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Dwight
How do I know this isn't Jim?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18254
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DunMiff/sys
What is a Jim?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18255
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Dwight
It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18256
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Michael
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18257
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Pam
Yes it's too tight.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18258
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Kelly
Waaay too tight.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18259
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Michael
Really?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18260
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Oscar
This is why I'm here?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18261
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Kelly
Why is it so tight?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18262
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Michael
It's the European cut.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18263
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Angela
Is just looks bad.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18264
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Michael
Umm... hey. Ah, what's hanging?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18265
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Tech Guy
Setting up the web-cam for the party.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18266
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Michael
Oh good. Okay cool. How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18267
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Kelly
Depends... how much have you eaten already today?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18268
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Michael
I had um, one of those danishes.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18269
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Pam
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18270
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Kelly
You had carbs? That's awful.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18271
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Pam
Uh, just one second. We're in a meeting and I'll see if he's available. It's Jan.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18272
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Michael
Why don't you wanna go tonight? What... all your friends are gonna be there. It'll be fun.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18273
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Jan
My friends? Michael, I was terminated.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18274
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Michael
Just...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18275
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Jan
Is it really that important to you?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18276
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18277
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Jan
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18278
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18279
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Jan
Go by yourself.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18280
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Michael
Na... no. No. If I go by myself everybody will think I'm a big loser.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18281
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Jan
Well...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18282
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Michael
Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18283
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Jan
What? No Michael!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18284
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Michael
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just the first... girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18285
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Dwight
Ohhhhhh!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18286
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Andy
Website check please.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18287
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Meredith
Three hundred and five.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18288
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Andy
Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18289
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Meredith
Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18290
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Andy
You my friend are in a very close second.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18291
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Meredith
Four-oh-two.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18292
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Andy
Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18293
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Meredith
What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18294
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Michael
So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18295
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Jim
Sure we'll go.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18296
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Michael
Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18297
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Jim
Oh I'm sorry. What?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18298
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Pam
One of the tickets is for him.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18299
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Michael
Just let me know who the winner is.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18300
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Pam and Jim
Not it.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18301
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Jim
Nope.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18302
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Pam
I won.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18303
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Jim
Definitely not. If anything it was a tie.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18304
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Pam
Tie goes to the girlfriend.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18305
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Dwight
No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesti... you did what? Ah no! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18306
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Jim
How's it going?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18307
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Dwight
Fine. Good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18308
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Jim
Yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18309
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18310
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Jim
You look a little worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18311
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Dwight
I do not look worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18312
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DunMiff/sys
You do look worried.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18313
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Dwight
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read...
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18314
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Pam
Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read binary so why don't you zero one one, one one one one, zero one one zero one one.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18315
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Jim
Okay. Um, while you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oop, and sold more paper.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18316
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Angela
I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18317
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Phyllis
I want to understand what you're saying but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18318
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Angela
Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18319
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Phyllis
Yes.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18320
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Angela
Goodie.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18321
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Jim
Hey man.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18322
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Darryl
What's up man?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18323
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Jim
What's going on?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18324
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Darryl
Make a delivery.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18325
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Jim
Oh yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18326
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Darryl
Kelly ordered this online.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18327
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Dwight
What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18328
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Kelly
But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin.'
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18329
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Dwight
Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18330
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Darryl
Who knows?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18331
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Dwight
Return it! Return it now!
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18332
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Darryl
Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk. Start sellin' multiple reams like a man.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18333
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Dwight
Y... You don't understand. If... okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18334
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Darryl
Who's it?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18335
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Darryl
Here you go.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18336
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Kelly
Thanks.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18337
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Darryl
So you still missing Ryan?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18338
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Kelly
Not so much anymore.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18339
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Darryl
Mmmmm.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18340
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Dwight
I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18341
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Dwight
Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18342
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Michael
Alright. I'm ready to go and I'm callin' shotgun.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18343
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Jim
I'm driving?
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18344
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Michael
Yes. Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18345
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Jim
Alright, let me just say good-bye to Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18346