Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 27, 2007.
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Pam
... We're dating.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17272
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Jim
Wow! There it is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17273
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Pam
Ah, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17274
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Jim
It is going really great.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17275
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Dwight
Oww!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17276
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Angela
Shut up.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17277
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Dwight
You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17278
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Angela
Oh, really?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17279
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Dwight
You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17280
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Angela
I'm not depressed I'm in grief.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17281
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Michael
We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17282
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Pam
Well a giant check costs about $200.00 to make up. I have a print shop standing by but... What do you think Michael, that's over 25% of our funds?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17283
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Michael
Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17284
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Jim
Yeah, I mean I personally am definitely on board for the giant check.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17285
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Pam
Giant check it is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17286
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17287
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Michael
Yep.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17288
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Dwight
Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17289
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Jim
Bat birth control
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17290
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Dwight
Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17291
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Michael
You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17292
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Pam
Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700.00, or $500.00 if we go with the giant check.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17293
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Jim
Which we are.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17294
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Pam
And also there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17295
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Michael
What about a rabies nurse?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17296
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Pam
I don't think so.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17297
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Jim
You know what though, I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour, for parties and bachelor events.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17298
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Michael
That's possible. Look into that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17299
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Jim
Great, it's gonna cost a couple a hundred buck and ah... oh actually more with tips.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17300
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Dwight
Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17301
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Michael
Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17302
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Pam
Michael, 5k means 5 kilometers, not 5 thousand miles.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17303
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Michael
Come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17304
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Pam
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17305
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17306
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Pam
Oh my God.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17307
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Michael
What are you doing?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17308
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Pam
You said come in!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17309
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Michael
No I didn't, just please don't...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17310
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Pam
Oh my God.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17311
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Pam
So I closed the door but the image of his...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17312
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Jim
Baquette.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17313
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Pam
... dangling participle...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17314
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Jim
Eww.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17315
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Pam
... still burned in my eyes.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17316
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Jim
I can imagine.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17317
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Pam
Come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17318
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Michael
May I enter the room?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17319
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Pam
Yes. Or come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17320
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Michael
See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17321
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Jim
You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17322
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Michael
Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17323
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Pam
On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17324
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Michael
European offices are naked all the time.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17325
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Pam
They're so not.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17326
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Michael
Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17327
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Pam
I didn't see where it started but I saw where it ended.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17328
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Jim
Gross.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17329
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Michael
That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17330
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Jim
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17331
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Pam
They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on... or a funny coat.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17332
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Jim
Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office, and not a French beach?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17333
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Jan
OK, name please.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17334
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Creed
Creed Bratton, 75 plus division.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17335
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Jan
You're over 75 years old?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17336
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Creed
82 November first. How much is the prize money?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17337
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Jan
There's no prize money.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17338
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Creed
What, is any of this real?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17339
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Michael
Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17340
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Jan
So I heard that you were peeping on Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17341
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Pam
What? Look, no it was not...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17342
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Jan
I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, OK? So hands off.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17343
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Michael
OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17344
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Darryl
I'm giving him a peanut.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17345
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Michael
No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17346
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Darryl
Look how happy he is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17347
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Michael
He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17348
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Elizabeth
Hello Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17349
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Michael
Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17350
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Elizabeth
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17351
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Michael
Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17352
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Elizabeth
Great.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17353
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Michael
You got it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17354
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Dwight
Mm-hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17355
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Michael
OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17356
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Michael
Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17357
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Dwight
On your marks, get set...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17358
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Michael
Beow!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17359
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Toby
Hey!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17360
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Michael
On your left!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17361
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Oscar
You're doing great Michael, look at you go!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17362
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Creed
That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17363
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Michael
I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17364
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Stanley
Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17365
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Andy
I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17366
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Pam
Yeah. Oh we're in last place.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17367
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Jim
Oh, would you look at that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17368
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Pam
Darn it.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17369
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Jan
Water? Water? Water babe?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17370
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Michael
No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17371