Every line from The Office season 4, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 27, 2007.
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Pam
... We're dating.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17272
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Jim
Wow! There it is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17273
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Pam
Ah, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17274
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Jim
It is going really great.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17275
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Dwight
Oww!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17276
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Angela
Shut up.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17277
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Dwight
You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17278
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Angela
Oh, really?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17279
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Dwight
You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17280
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Angela
I'm not depressed I'm in grief.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17281
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Michael
We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17282
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Pam
Well a giant check costs about $200.00 to make up. I have a print shop standing by but... What do you think Michael, that's over 25% of our funds?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17283
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Michael
Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17284
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Jim
Yeah, I mean I personally am definitely on board for the giant check.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17285
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Pam
Giant check it is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17286
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17287
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Michael
Yep.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17288
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Dwight
Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17289
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Jim
Bat birth control
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17290
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Dwight
Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17291
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Michael
You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17292
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Pam
Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700.00, or $500.00 if we go with the giant check.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17293
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Jim
Which we are.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17294
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Pam
And also there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17295
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Michael
What about a rabies nurse?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17296
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Pam
I don't think so.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17297
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Jim
You know what though, I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour, for parties and bachelor events.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17298
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Michael
That's possible. Look into that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17299
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Jim
Great, it's gonna cost a couple a hundred buck and ah... oh actually more with tips.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17300
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Dwight
Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17301
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Michael
Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17302
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Pam
Michael, 5k means 5 kilometers, not 5 thousand miles.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17303
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Michael
Come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17304
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Pam
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17305
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17306
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Pam
Oh my God.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17307
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Michael
What are you doing?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17308
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Pam
You said come in!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17309
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Michael
No I didn't, just please don't...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17310
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Pam
Oh my God.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17311
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Pam
So I closed the door but the image of his...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17312
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Jim
Baquette.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17313
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Pam
... dangling participle...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17314
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Jim
Eww.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17315
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Pam
... still burned in my eyes.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17316
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Jim
I can imagine.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17317
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Pam
Come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17318
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Michael
May I enter the room?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17319
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Pam
Yes. Or come in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17320
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Michael
See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17321
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Jim
You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17322
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Michael
Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17323
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Pam
On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17324
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Michael
European offices are naked all the time.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17325
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Pam
They're so not.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17326
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Michael
Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17327
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Pam
I didn't see where it started but I saw where it ended.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17328
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Jim
Gross.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17329
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Michael
That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17330
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Jim
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17331
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Pam
They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on... or a funny coat.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17332
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Jim
Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office, and not a French beach?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17333
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Jan
OK, name please.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17334
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Creed
Creed Bratton, 75 plus division.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17335
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Jan
You're over 75 years old?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17336
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Creed
82 November first. How much is the prize money?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17337
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Jan
There's no prize money.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17338
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Creed
What, is any of this real?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17339
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Michael
Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17340
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Jan
So I heard that you were peeping on Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17341
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Pam
What? Look, no it was not...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17342
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Jan
I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, OK? So hands off.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17343
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Michael
OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17344
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Darryl
I'm giving him a peanut.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17345
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Michael
No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17346
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Darryl
Look how happy he is.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17347
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Michael
He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17348
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Elizabeth
Hello Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17349
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Michael
Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17350
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Elizabeth
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17351
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Michael
Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17352
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Elizabeth
Great.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17353
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Michael
You got it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17354
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Dwight
Mm-hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17355
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Michael
OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17356
-
Michael
Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17357
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Dwight
On your marks, get set...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17358
-
Michael
Beow!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17359
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Toby
Hey!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17360
-
Michael
On your left!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17361
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Oscar
You're doing great Michael, look at you go!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17362
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Creed
That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17363
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Michael
I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17364
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Stanley
Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17365
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Andy
I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17366
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Pam
Yeah. Oh we're in last place.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17367
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Jim
Oh, would you look at that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17368
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Pam
Darn it.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17369
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Jan
Water? Water? Water babe?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17370
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Michael
No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17371