Pam

Oh me too.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17172

Darryl

Oh?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17173

Pam

Same religion.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17174

Darryl

Alright!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17175

Phyllis

I'm a Lutheran and Bob's a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17176

Angela

That's why we're cursed.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17177

Creed

I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17178

Michael

Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17179

Kelly

That's Buddhist.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17180

Michael

Are you sure?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17181

Kelly

No.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17182

Michael

What are you?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17183

IT Tech Guy

Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion then I'm Sikh, but I also like Hip-hop and NPR, and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17184

Michael

OK, 1 Sikh, and...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17185

Dwight

As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17186

Dwight

Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17187

Meredith

Don't pull any plugs.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17188

Intern

How are you doing Ms. Palmer?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17189

Meredith

Better.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17190

Intern

Excellent.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17191

Dwight

Are you a doctor, or a male nurse?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17192

Intern

Um... I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor, but...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17193

Dwight

Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17194

Intern

Ah, so uh... so that is where her uterus went... Um, Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17195

Meredith

Yes. Dwight here, trapped it in a bag against my head.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17196

Dwight

Just doing my job.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17197

Intern

It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17198

Meredith

And a rat. Separate occasions.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17199

Michael

You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17200

Kelly

If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17201

Michael

Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17202

Jim

I will do some research.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17203

Pam

I can help you with that.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17204

Dwight

So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17205

Michael

Oh God, Rabies?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17206

Dwight

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17207

Michael

I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17208

Dwight

No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17209

Michael

This place is so cursed.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17210

Dwight

Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17211

Michael

I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17212

Jim

Six of one, really.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17213

Michael

Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17214

Michael

Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17215

Kevin

Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17216

Pam

I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it too is a camera crew, or my co-workers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17217

Pam

Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, Meredith Palmer memorial, celebrity rabies awareness, fun run race for the cure, this is Pam.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17218

Michael

Pro-Am.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17219

Pam

Pro-Am race for the... They hung up.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17220

Michael

A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17221

Stanley

No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17222

Michael

Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17223

Stanley

Zero.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17224

Michael

Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17225

Andy

Isn't that your money?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17226

Michael

That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17227

Phyllis

Oh, it's coming.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17228

Michael

Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17229

Kevin

Michael?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17230

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17231

Kevin

You cannot make me run.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17232

Michael

OK.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17233

Kevin

It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17234

Michael

Alright, alright.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17235

Kevin

You didn't run for me...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17236

Michael

Shhh...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17237

Kevin

...when I thought I had skin cancer.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17238

Michael

I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17239

Kevin

No.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17240

Michael

OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17241

Kevin

I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17242

Michael

Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17243

Andy

I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17244

Andy

Hey Angela. Hey, um... I'm sorry about your cat.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17245

Angela

This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, just a couple of kittens out on the town.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17246

Angela

Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17247

Pam

What's wrong?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17248

Angela

I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17249

Pam

Hmm...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17250

Angela

When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17251

Pam

Ah.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17252

Angela

Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17253

Pam

Angela, I'm sorry.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17254

Angela

Did Roy ever kill one of your cats?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17255

Pam

I'm more of a dog person.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17256

Angela

[sighs]

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17257

Jim

So what's your strategy for this race?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17258

Pam

Well I'm gonna start fast.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17259

Jim

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17260

Pam

Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17261

Jim

What?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17262

Pam

Then I'm gonna end fast.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17263

Jim

Why won't more people do that?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17264

Pam

Cause they're just stupid.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17265

Jim

What?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17266

Jim

Oh, ah... No that's not... I mean that wasn't, ah...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17267

Pam

Yeah... That was um...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17268

Jim

I mean I can see how it would seem a bit like we uh... How it looks like um... I mean now a days you can edit anything, right? I mean you can edit anything to look like um... anything.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17269

Pam

Yeah, I gave him a ride home because...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17270

Jim

Right!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17271

"Fun Run" Quotes (page 3)