Pam

Oh me too.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17172

Darryl

Oh?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17173

Pam

Same religion.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17174

Darryl

Alright!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17175

Phyllis

I'm a Lutheran and Bob's a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17176

Angela

That's why we're cursed.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17177

Creed

I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17178

Michael

Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17179

Kelly

That's Buddhist.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17180

Michael

Are you sure?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17181

Kelly

No.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17182

Michael

What are you?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17183

IT Tech Guy

Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion then I'm Sikh, but I also like Hip-hop and NPR, and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17184

Michael

OK, 1 Sikh, and...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17185

Dwight

As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17186

Dwight

Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17187

Meredith

Don't pull any plugs.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17188

Intern

How are you doing Ms. Palmer?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17189

Meredith

Better.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17190

Intern

Excellent.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17191

Dwight

Are you a doctor, or a male nurse?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17192

Intern

Um... I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor, but...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17193

Dwight

Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17194

Intern

Ah, so uh... so that is where her uterus went... Um, Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17195

Meredith

Yes. Dwight here, trapped it in a bag against my head.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17196

Dwight

Just doing my job.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17197

Intern

It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17198

Meredith

And a rat. Separate occasions.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17199

Michael

You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17200

Kelly

If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17201

Michael

Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17202

Jim

I will do some research.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17203

Pam

I can help you with that.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17204

Dwight

So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17205

Michael

Oh God, Rabies?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17206

Dwight

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17207

Michael

I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17208

Dwight

No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17209

Michael

This place is so cursed.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17210

Dwight

Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17211

Michael

I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17212

Jim

Six of one, really.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17213

Michael

Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17214

Michael

Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17215

Kevin

Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17216

Pam

I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it too is a camera crew, or my co-workers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17217

Pam

Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, Meredith Palmer memorial, celebrity rabies awareness, fun run race for the cure, this is Pam.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17218

Michael

Pro-Am.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17219

Pam

Pro-Am race for the... They hung up.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17220

Michael

A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17221

Stanley

No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17222

Michael

Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17223

Stanley

Zero.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17224

Michael

Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17225

Andy

Isn't that your money?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17226

Michael

That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17227

Phyllis

Oh, it's coming.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17228

Michael

Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17229

Kevin

Michael?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17230

Michael

Yes.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17231

Kevin

You cannot make me run.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17232

Michael

OK.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17233

Kevin

It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17234

Michael

Alright, alright.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17235

Kevin

You didn't run for me...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17236

Michael

Shhh...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17237

Kevin

...when I thought I had skin cancer.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17238

Michael

I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17239

Kevin

No.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17240

Michael

OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17241

Kevin

I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17242

Michael

Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17243

Andy

I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17244

Andy

Hey Angela. Hey, um... I'm sorry about your cat.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17245

Angela

This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, just a couple of kittens out on the town.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17246

Angela

Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17247

Pam

What's wrong?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17248

Angela

I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17249

Pam

Hmm...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17250

Angela

When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17251

Pam

Ah.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17252

Angela

Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17253

Pam

Angela, I'm sorry.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17254

Angela

Did Roy ever kill one of your cats?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17255

Pam

I'm more of a dog person.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17256

Angela

[sighs]

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17257

Jim

So what's your strategy for this race?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17258

Pam

Well I'm gonna start fast.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17259

Jim

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17260

Pam

Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17261

Jim

What?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17262

Pam

Then I'm gonna end fast.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17263

Jim

Why won't more people do that?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17264

Pam

Cause they're just stupid.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17265

Jim

What?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17266

Jim

Oh, ah... No that's not... I mean that wasn't, ah...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17267

Pam

Yeah... That was um...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17268

Jim

I mean I can see how it would seem a bit like we uh... How it looks like um... I mean now a days you can edit anything, right? I mean you can edit anything to look like um... anything.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17269

Pam

Yeah, I gave him a ride home because...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17270

Jim

Right!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17271

"Fun Run" Quotes (page 3)