Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 27, 2007.
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Pam
Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17072
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Michael
Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17073
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Pam
Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly works can go at lunch.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17074
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Michael
Ok, good good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17075
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Pam
I...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17076
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Michael
Excellent!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17077
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Pam
I was thinking that we...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17078
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Michael
Good work Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17079
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Pam
But...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17080
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Michael
Yaaaaaay, Pam! Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17081
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Stanley
You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17082
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Michael
Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17083
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Michael
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17084
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Michael
Eww. I hate hospitals. In my mind they are associated with sickness. Oh... She looks like an angel.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17085
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Kelly
She looks awful.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17086
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Michael
No... OK, she always looks like that... That is not my fault.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17087
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Jim
I think she's awake.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17088
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Michael
No... She's in a coma.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17089
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Nurse
No.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17090
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Michael
OK... Meredith, Ooooohhhhh. I brought all your friends from the office dear.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17091
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Meredith
At the same time.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17092
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17093
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Stanley
Hello Meredith.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17094
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Meredith
This is weird.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17095
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Michael
Brought you some balloons. Why don't we... here you go. Tie these up, cheer up your tubes... Oh! Shhhh... For God's sake!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17096
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Kevin
Whoa!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17097
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Michael
Nurse.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17098
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Meredith
No don't bother the nurse, just put it back in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17099
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Michael
I am going to be sick... I'm gonna puke.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17100
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Jim
I wouldn't... I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17101
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Nurse
What, what are you doing? Just gimme that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17102
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Meredith
Thanks.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17103
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Kevin
[applauds]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17104
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Phyllis
Does it hurt terribly?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17105
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Meredith
No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17106
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Creed
Oh really, what kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fentanyl, Oxycontin, Palladone? What...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17107
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Meredith
I have no idea.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17108
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Creed
Oh.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17109
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Meredith
Well it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. I'll see you guys at the office.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17110
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Michael
Oh, OK... Wait up, wait up, guys guys guys, hold on a second. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17111
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Meredith
Michael, I'm not gonna do that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17112
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Michael
Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17113
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Angela
No, that's not. That's next to cleanliness.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17114
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Michael
Well, just shhhh... just just...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17115
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Meredith
You cracked my pelvis
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17116
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Michael
Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17117
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Meredith
You're not forgiven.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17118
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Michael
Come on. [starts to climb onto the bed with meredith.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17119
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Pam
Michael! Michael!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17120
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Meredith
[screams]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17121
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Michael
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17122
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Angela
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17123
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Dwight
Hey monkey.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17124
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Angela
Any problems?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17125
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Dwight
Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17126
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Angela
What!?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17127
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Dwight
Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17128
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Angela
Sprinkles.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17129
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Dwight
That was the sick one, right?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17130
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Angela
Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17131
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Dwight
No.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17132
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Angela
Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17133
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Dwight
Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17134
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Angela
[sobbing]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17135
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Dwight
So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17136
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Angela
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17137
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Dwight
Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17138
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Angela
[still sobbing]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17139
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Pam
It's gonna be OK.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17140
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Michael
OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17141
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Pam
Michael, Angela's cat died.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17142
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Michael
Sprinkles?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17143
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Angela
[nods]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17144
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Michael
Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the porn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17145
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Michael
Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17146
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Michael
Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17147
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Oscar
Like what?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17148
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Michael
Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17149
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Toby
No, I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact I had some good luck recently, Alfredo's Pizza, picked my business card out of the basket, so... uh, I got a week of free pies.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17150
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Pam
That's cool.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17151
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Toby
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17152
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Michael
Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17153
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Angela
Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God in your infinite wisdom how could you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17154
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Dwight
She's only a cat.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17155
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Angela
You never... you don't like them.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17156
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Dwight
Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17157
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Oscar
Dwight please!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17158
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Michael
Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17159
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Dwight
No, I have not.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17160
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Michael
Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17161
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Dwight
I do not respect her, but I will go.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17162
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Michael
Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17163
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Toby
Oh, Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17164
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Michael
Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17165
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Toby
Alright, well then you can ask about religious beliefs.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17166
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Michael
Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17167
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Stanley
I'm... um, Catholic.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17168
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Michael
OK.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17169
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Darryl
Presbyterian.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17170
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Michael
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17171