Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 27, 2007.
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Michael
Ok, well I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning... well she bought the milk. It's soy. This is why I do it, that's what I have to come home to. She probably won't be up for a few hours.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16972
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Michael
This is going to be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Um... Andy and Dwight are rockin' the sales team. I feel very blessed.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16973
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IT Tech Guy
You know generally it's not a good idea to click on offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16974
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Pam
It was for a video.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16975
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IT Tech Guy
Yeah, what kind of video?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16976
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Pam
A celebrity sex tape.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16977
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Jim
Really, what kind of celebrity?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16978
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Pam
Not relevant.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16979
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Jim
How much did you pay for it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16980
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Pam
Not relevant.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16981
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Jim
You paid for it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16982
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Pam
It all happened so fast.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16983
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Jim
I broke up with Karen after the job interview, and uh... it was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me, very clearly, just because we were broken up didn't mean she was going anywhere, because she worked really hard for her career. But the next day her desk was empty, and as for me and my current romantic life, I uh... I'm single now and looking, so if you know anybody.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16984
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Pam
Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his break up. It's really nice to be good friends again.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16985
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Kevin
Are you kidding me, Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile; they're just keeping it a secret. Right?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16986
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Oscar
I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16987
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Kevin
Are you kidding me?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16988
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Pam
And Sunday I'm thinking of going to that flea-market at the drive-in.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16989
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Jim
Oh that sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday. On Montage Mountain.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16990
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Pam
Cool.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16991
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16992
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Pam
Well have fun with that.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16993
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Michael
Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16994
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Jim
What?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16995
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Dwight
Where?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16996
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Michael
It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16997
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Stanley
What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16998
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Oscar
So she's really going to be fine?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 16999
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Michael
Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, but, ah... people have survived far worse.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17000
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Pam
Thank God you were there.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17001
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17002
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Andy
Did you see who did it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17003
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Dwight
No need we can just check the security tapes.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17004
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Michael
Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17005
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Jim
Who was driving?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17006
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Pam
Oh, Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17007
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Jim
One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17008
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Dwight
It's only Meredith.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17009
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Michael
Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17010
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Dwight
Hey... Why did you do it?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17011
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Michael
It was an accident.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17012
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Dwight
Was she talkin' back?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17013
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Michael
No.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17014
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Dwight
Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17015
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Pam
Hey guys, we're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch. And we're kicking in $5 for flowers.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17016
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Kevin
Who's we, you and Jim?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17017
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Pam
No, uh, me Stanley and Phyllis so far.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17018
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Kevin
Oh, I bet Jim goes too.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17019
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Pam
Yeah, I haven't asked him yet.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17020
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Kevin
Oh, I bet you ask?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17021
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Pam
I was planning on it.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17022
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Kevin
I bet you were.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17023
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Pam
Angela?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17024
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Oscar
Subtle.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17025
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Kevin
What
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17026
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Pam
Are you coming?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17027
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Angela
I can't, Sprinkles is sick.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17028
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Angela
She's been sick for some time. Thank you for asking, no one asks... about Sprinkles.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17029
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Angela
I have to give her her meds, I have to pet her, and who will she eat lunch with?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17030
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Pam
Can't your other cats keep her company.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17031
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Angela
There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17032
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Pam
Angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. I shouldn't even be planning this, it's your job.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17033
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Angela
All right!
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17034
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Michael
My lord my liege.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17035
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Ryan
Yes Michael?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17036
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Michael
So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17037
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Michael
So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17038
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Ryan
Back? Why is that Michael?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17039
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Michael
Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17040
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Ryan
Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17041
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Michael
No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in...
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17042
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Ryan
Did this happen on company property?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17043
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Michael
Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17044
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Ryan
I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17045
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Michael
Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17046
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Ryan
[sigh]
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17047
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Ryan
People keep calling me a 'Wunderkind'; I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, it means very successful for your age, so I guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17048
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Angela
Hey D.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17049
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Dwight
Hey monkey, what's up?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17050
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Angela
Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17051
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Dwight
Sure.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17052
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Angela
I have to visit the alchy.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17053
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Dwight
Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what; I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some workers comp.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17054
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Angela
I wouldn't put it past her.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17055
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Dwight
So what do you need me to do?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17056
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Angela
I wrote it out.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17057
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Dwight
Mm-hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17058
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Angela
There's a diabetes shot, roll the insulin in your hand, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal, but you have to put her right in front of the dish or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine, um... and you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. And, oh and there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail, so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17059
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Michael
Ok, I have an announcement.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17060
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Oscar
You pushed Darryl out the window?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17061
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Michael
No.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17062
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Phyllis
You shot Dwight?
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17063
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Michael
No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17064
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Jim
Oh good, so we don't have to work.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17065
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Pam
OK, we're leaving for the hospital at 1.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17066
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Michael
So, like a freedom tree.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17067
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Pam
I can take 3 people.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17068
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Jim
I can also take 3 people.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17069
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Oscar
Separate cars.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17070
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Michael
Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17071