"The Merger" Quotes (page 5)

Every quote from The Office season 3, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 16, 2006.

584 quotes · page 5 of 6

  1. Hannah

    When do people work?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11852

  2. Phyllis

    Oh, we find little times during the day.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11853

  3. Karen

    How are we going to get home?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11854

  4. Phyllis

    Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11855

  5. Karen

    Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11856

  6. Michael

    See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. Jell-o!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11857

  7. Jan

    Michael!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11858

  8. Michael

    Hi, Jan!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11859

  9. Jan

    Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11860

  10. Michael

    I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11861

  11. Jan

    Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11862

  12. Michael

    Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11863

  13. Jan

    You do?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11864

  14. Michael

    But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11865

  15. Jan

    What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11866

  16. Michael

    What?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11867

  17. Jan

    He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11868

  18. Michael

    Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11869

  19. Michael

    So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11870

  20. Dwight

    If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11871

  21. Jim

    Yeah, it does, actually.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11872

  22. Dwight

    So who will be your new Number Three?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11873

  23. Michael

    Uh... that I have not decided yet.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11874

  24. Andy

    Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11875

  25. Michael

    Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11876

  26. Dwight

    And I have to say your leadership...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11877

  27. Michael

    Shut it...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11878

  28. Dwight

    has brought...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11879

  29. Michael

    Shut it! That's... suck up!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11880

  30. Jim

    Hey! Where you at, Filippelli?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11881

  31. Karen

    I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11882

  32. Jim

    What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11883

  33. Karen

    Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11884

  34. Jim

    Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11885

  35. Karen

    Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11886

  36. Jim

    Ok, thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11887

  37. Karen

    Ok.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11888

  38. Jim

    Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11889

  39. Pam

    Hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11890

  40. Jim

    I thought you had already... left.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11891

  41. Pam

    Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11892

  42. Jim

    Oh... Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11893

  43. Pam

    What's up?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11894

  44. Jim

    Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11895

  45. Pam

    What do you mean?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11896

  46. Jim

    I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11897

  47. Pam

    Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11898

  48. Jim

    O..ok. Um..good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11899

  49. Pam

    We're friends. We'll always be friends.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11900

  50. Jim

    Right.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11901

  51. Pam

    It's good to have you back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11902

  52. Jim

    Yeah. Good to be back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11903

  53. Meredith

    Where'd you get that salad?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11904

  54. Kevin

    Staples.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11905

  55. Andy

    Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11906

  56. Dwight

    Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11907

  57. Andy

    Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11908

  58. Dwight

    Xterra's not even a real word.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11909

  59. Andy

    Actually, it is. It's Latin for 'earth.'

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11910

  60. Dwight

    Oh, so you drive an X-Earth?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11911

  61. Andy

    Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11912

  62. Dwight

    That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11913

  63. Andy

    Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11914

  64. Dwight

    Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11915

  65. Andy

    Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11916

  66. Dwight

    Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11917

  67. Andy

    Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11918

  68. Dwight

    Idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11919

  69. Andy

    If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11920

  70. Dwight

    If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11921

  71. Andy

    Idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11922

  72. Dwight

    You're the idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11923

  73. Andy

    Nice comeback!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11924

  74. Dwight

    I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. Totally got the best of that interchange.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11925

  75. Michael

    And this is, don't tell me, Martin... Ne... Ne...Nack.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11926

  76. Dwight

    Nash.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11927

  77. Michael

    Martin Nash. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11928

  78. Dwight

    Male, age 37...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11929

  79. Michael

    Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11930

  80. Dwight

    Mocha complexion. Supplier relations. Either caught a fish or was standing next to a man who caught a fish in Key West, Florida.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11931

  81. Michael

    What are you talking about?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11932

  82. Dwight

    It wasn't clear on the Google Image search.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11933

  83. Michael

    All right, just...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11934

  84. Jim

    Hey, Kev. How you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11935

  85. Kevin

    Hey, man. Good. Listen, my M&M's are under the desk if you want any.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11936

  86. Jim

    Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11937

  87. Kevin

    Hidden from them.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11938

  88. Jim

    Smart. Good. Hey, Angela.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11939

  89. Angela

    You need a hair cut.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11940

  90. Jim

    Bye, Angela. All right, Kev.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11941

  91. Kevin

    See you later, Jim.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11942

  92. Jim

    See you later.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11943

  93. Kevin

    It's his first day back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11944

  94. Angela

    His hair's flipping out on the sides.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11945

  95. Kevin

    I like it.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11946

  96. Angela

    Oh, my Lord.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11947

  97. Pam

    This is weird with you facing the other way.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11948

  98. Jim

    Yeah, I never even knew that part of the office existed. Hey, who's that guy?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11949

  99. Pam

    That's Stanley Hudson.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11950

  100. Jim

    Huh.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11951