"The Merger" Quotes (page 5)

Every line from The Office season 3, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 16, 2006.

584 quotes · page 5 of 6

  1. Hannah

    When do people work?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11852

  2. Phyllis

    Oh, we find little times during the day.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11853

  3. Karen

    How are we going to get home?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11854

  4. Phyllis

    Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11855

  5. Karen

    Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11856

  6. Michael

    See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. Jell-o!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11857

  7. Jan

    Michael!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11858

  8. Michael

    Hi, Jan!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11859

  9. Jan

    Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11860

  10. Michael

    I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11861

  11. Jan

    Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11862

  12. Michael

    Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11863

  13. Jan

    You do?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11864

  14. Michael

    But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11865

  15. Jan

    What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11866

  16. Michael

    What?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11867

  17. Jan

    He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11868

  18. Michael

    Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11869

  19. Michael

    So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11870

  20. Dwight

    If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11871

  21. Jim

    Yeah, it does, actually.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11872

  22. Dwight

    So who will be your new Number Three?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11873

  23. Michael

    Uh... that I have not decided yet.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11874

  24. Andy

    Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11875

  25. Michael

    Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11876

  26. Dwight

    And I have to say your leadership...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11877

  27. Michael

    Shut it...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11878

  28. Dwight

    has brought...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11879

  29. Michael

    Shut it! That's... suck up!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11880

  30. Jim

    Hey! Where you at, Filippelli?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11881

  31. Karen

    I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11882

  32. Jim

    What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11883

  33. Karen

    Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11884

  34. Jim

    Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11885

  35. Karen

    Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11886

  36. Jim

    Ok, thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11887

  37. Karen

    Ok.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11888

  38. Jim

    Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11889

  39. Pam

    Hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11890

  40. Jim

    I thought you had already... left.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11891

  41. Pam

    Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11892

  42. Jim

    Oh... Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11893

  43. Pam

    What's up?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11894

  44. Jim

    Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11895

  45. Pam

    What do you mean?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11896

  46. Jim

    I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11897

  47. Pam

    Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11898

  48. Jim

    O..ok. Um..good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11899

  49. Pam

    We're friends. We'll always be friends.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11900

  50. Jim

    Right.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11901

  51. Pam

    It's good to have you back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11902

  52. Jim

    Yeah. Good to be back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11903

  53. Meredith

    Where'd you get that salad?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11904

  54. Kevin

    Staples.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11905

  55. Andy

    Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11906

  56. Dwight

    Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11907

  57. Andy

    Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11908

  58. Dwight

    Xterra's not even a real word.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11909

  59. Andy

    Actually, it is. It's Latin for 'earth.'

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11910

  60. Dwight

    Oh, so you drive an X-Earth?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11911

  61. Andy

    Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11912

  62. Dwight

    That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11913

  63. Andy

    Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11914

  64. Dwight

    Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11915

  65. Andy

    Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11916

  66. Dwight

    Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11917

  67. Andy

    Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11918

  68. Dwight

    Idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11919

  69. Andy

    If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11920

  70. Dwight

    If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11921

  71. Andy

    Idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11922

  72. Dwight

    You're the idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11923

  73. Andy

    Nice comeback!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11924

  74. Dwight

    I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. Totally got the best of that interchange.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11925

  75. Michael

    And this is, don't tell me, Martin... Ne... Ne...Nack.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11926

  76. Dwight

    Nash.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11927

  77. Michael

    Martin Nash. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11928

  78. Dwight

    Male, age 37...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11929

  79. Michael

    Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11930

  80. Dwight

    Mocha complexion. Supplier relations. Either caught a fish or was standing next to a man who caught a fish in Key West, Florida.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11931

  81. Michael

    What are you talking about?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11932

  82. Dwight

    It wasn't clear on the Google Image search.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11933

  83. Michael

    All right, just...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11934

  84. Jim

    Hey, Kev. How you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11935

  85. Kevin

    Hey, man. Good. Listen, my M&M's are under the desk if you want any.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11936

  86. Jim

    Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11937

  87. Kevin

    Hidden from them.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11938

  88. Jim

    Smart. Good. Hey, Angela.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11939

  89. Angela

    You need a hair cut.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11940

  90. Jim

    Bye, Angela. All right, Kev.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11941

  91. Kevin

    See you later, Jim.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11942

  92. Jim

    See you later.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11943

  93. Kevin

    It's his first day back.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11944

  94. Angela

    His hair's flipping out on the sides.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11945

  95. Kevin

    I like it.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11946

  96. Angela

    Oh, my Lord.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11947

  97. Pam

    This is weird with you facing the other way.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11948

  98. Jim

    Yeah, I never even knew that part of the office existed. Hey, who's that guy?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11949

  99. Pam

    That's Stanley Hudson.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11950

  100. Jim

    Huh.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11951