Every line from The Office season 3, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 16, 2006.
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Michael
Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please, the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11652
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Michael
Yoko shack.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11653
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Male voice
...thank you James.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11654
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Meredith
Hey, champagne.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11655
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Michael
Nope, no. Guests only.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11656
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Kelly
Looks like salmon.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11657
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Michael
Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11658
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Kelly
I eat beef.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11659
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Michael
Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11660
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Kevin
The beef is poisoned?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11661
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Michael
No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. Welcome. Help yourself.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11662
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Toby
Um... You might want these orientation materials.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11663
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Michael
Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation.Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11664
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Jim
Oh, this looks promising.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11665
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Pam
You won't be disappointed.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11666
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Michael
Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch 'Lazy Scranton'.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11667
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Video
[Lazy Scranton Video]
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11668
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Michael
Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11669
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Dwight
Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11670
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Michael
So check out how we live
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11671
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Michael & Dwight
in the Electric City!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11672
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Michael
They call it Scranton.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11673
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Dwight
What?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11674
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Michael
The Electric City. Scranton.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11675
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Dwight
What?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11676
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Michael
The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11677
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Dwight
But check that it's covered by your health care provider!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11678
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Jim
It reminds me of the orientation video showed on my first day. 'The Scranton Witch Project'.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11679
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Michael
I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11680
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Video
[Lazy Scranton video continues]
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11681
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Michael
You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot,
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11682
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Dwight
But the little cars go in the compact spot
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11683
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Michael and Dwight
Spot, spot, spot, spot ...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11684
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Michael
Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11685
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Michael
Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11686
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Karen
This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11687
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Jim
Terrible. Totally unconvincing.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11688
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Karen
This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11689
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Jim
Not bad, but you are Italian so... try it more Italian.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11690
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Karen
Dis is Kar-en Fill-uh-pel-li. Please leava me da message. A bon danza.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11691
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Jim
You feel good?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11692
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Karen
Mm-hm.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11693
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Jim
All right.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11694
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Karen
Karen Filippelli.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11695
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Andy
Hey, buddy. Anything new to report?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11696
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Dwight
Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11697
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Andy
Sure thing, buddy.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11698
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Andy
Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11699
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Andy
Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11700
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Angela
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11701
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Andy
Do you like it?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11702
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Angela
I do like it, actually.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11703
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Andy
Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11704
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Angela
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11705
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Andy
You're welcome.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11706
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Pam
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11707
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Jim
Hey!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11708
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Pam
What happened to grape soda?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11709
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Jim
Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11710
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Pam
Oh. You've changed so much.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11711
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Jim
Well, I'm evolving, Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11712
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Pam
So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11713
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Jim
Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11714
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Pam
Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11715
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Jim
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11716
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Michael
Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11717
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Jim
Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11718
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Michael
All right.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11719
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Jim
Don't...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11720
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11721
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Jim
All right. I should probably get back to work. Get back to work.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11722
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Pam
Yeah. I know, me too.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11723
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Jim
All right!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11724
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Pam
The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11725
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Hannah
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11726
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Ryan
I'm sorry. It's just, it's a little distracting.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11727
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Creed
Ditto that, my brother.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11728
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Hannah
Look what's on his computer.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11729
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Michael
What is that? A squid's eye or...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11730
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Hannah
It's my left breast.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11731
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Michael
How did you...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11732
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Creed
Right place at the right time.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11733
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Karen
Uh, what's that smell?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11734
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Phyllis
What smell?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11735
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Karen
Must be an... air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11736
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Phyllis
Oh, I'll help you find it.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11737
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Karen
Oh, you know. Never... .never mind.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11738
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Phyllis
What is it?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11739
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Karen
I... I... I, uh, think I'm just allergic to your perfume.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11740
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Phyllis
My perfume?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11741
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Karen
It's just my crazy nose. I'm... uh, used to different smells.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11742
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Phyllis
Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11743
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Karen
Who's Bob Vance?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11744
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Phyllis
You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11745
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Stanley
I don't know who these new people think they are. I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11746
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Michael
People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11747
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Michael
I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11748
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Dwight
Do you have batteries?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11749
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Michael
Ssshh stupid! Um...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11750
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Andy
[sings drum beat intro to 'What is Love?']
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11751