Every line from The Office season 3, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 16, 2006.
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Jim
The Stamford branch is closing and everybody's just packing up their stuff. Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11452
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Andy
That's the other thing you got to watch out... Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11453
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11454
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Andy
So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11455
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Jim
You know what? I think you just need to meet him.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11456
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Andy
Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11457
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Jim
Sounds good Andy.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11458
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Karen
This is going to be an adventure.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11459
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Jim
Yes. This is going to be very interesting. All right, I'm out of here. See you later?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11460
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Karen
Right on. Hey is that Josh's computer?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11461
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Andy
What?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11462
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Pam
Hey!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11463
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Toby
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11464
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Pam
How'd the run go?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11465
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Toby
Ah, pretty good. I finished.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11466
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Pam
That's great!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11467
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Dwight
Psh, why is that great?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11468
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Pam
Because he accomplished something.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11469
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Dwight
What was your mile time?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11470
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Toby
About seven.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11471
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Dwight
I could beat that on a skateboard.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11472
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Toby
Well, that has wheels.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11473
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Dwight
Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11474
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Pam
Really, Dwight? How fast are you?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11475
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Dwight
Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11476
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Pam
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11477
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Dwight
I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11478
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Dwight
Man, what is taking Toby so long?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11479
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Pam
Oh, I'll just time him later.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11480
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Dwight
And you'll compare the times?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11481
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Pam
Yeah. Are you ready?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11482
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Dwight
No, my groin...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11483
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Pam
Set
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11484
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Dwight
...is really tight.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11485
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Pam
Go!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11486
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Dwight
I can't...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11487
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Pam
Am I being mean to Dwight? I don't know. I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes. And on purpose. Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company. Hey, three more laps to go. Gotta pick it up if you're going to beat Toby.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11488
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Dwight
Aaaaah!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11489
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Pam
I should probably get back to work.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11490
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Michael
Here... Who's here?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11491
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Dwight
Nametag?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11492
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Michael
Yes, please.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11493
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Dwight
Karen Filippelli.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11494
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Michael
Karen Filip... Ka-ren Fili-pell-li.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11495
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Dwight
Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11496
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11497
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Michael
My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11498
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Michael
Who's next?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11499
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Dwight
That's Andy Bernard.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11500
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Michael
Andy Bernard.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11501
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Dwight
If I were you...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11502
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Michael
Saint Bernard.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11503
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Dwight
...I would fire Anthony Gardner...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11504
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Michael
What?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11505
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Dwight
...before noon...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11506
-
Michael
I'm not...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11507
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Dwight
...to consolidate power.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11508
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Michael
I'm not firing somebody on the first day.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11509
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Dwight
No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11510
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Dwight
The Japanese camp guards of World War II always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11511
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Pam
Good morning!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11512
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Michael
Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11513
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Pam
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11514
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Pam
Yes! I'm in a good mood today! I'm excited to meet all the new people and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11515
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Hannah
Hello?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11516
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Michael
Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11517
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Dwight
Hannah Smoterich-Barr.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11518
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Michael
Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11519
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Michael
You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, this says 'World's Best Dad'.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11520
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Michael
Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11521
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Tony
Gardner.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11522
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Michael
Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11523
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Tony
Thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11524
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Kevin
Michael, I didn't get a gift bag.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11525
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Michael
Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11526
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Hannah
My bag's mostly pencils.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11527
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Michael
Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11528
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Kevin
Can I have your pencils?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11529
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Hannah
No.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11530
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Pam
Hi!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11531
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Karen
Hi.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11532
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Pam
I'm Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11533
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Karen
Karen. I love your sweater.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11534
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Pam
Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11535
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Karen
Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn...
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11536
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Michael
Welcome.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11537
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Karen
...to knit.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11538
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Michael
Welcome, welcome, welcome! Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11539
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Karen
Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11540
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Michael
Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh?
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11541
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Andy
I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11542
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Andy
Hello.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11543
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Michael
Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11544
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Andy
And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11545
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Michael
A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11546
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Andy
Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11547
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Michael
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11548
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Andy
Nifty!
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11549
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Michael
They are nifty! They're nifty gifties.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11550
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Michael
You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him.
Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11551