Jan

Tell me what?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16828

Jan

You son of a bitch!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16829

David

Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16830

Jan

You're

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16831

David

Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16832

Jan

Erratic?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16833

David

Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16834

Jan

Is it because of these?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16835

Michael

Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16836

Jan

No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16837

David

It's not.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16838

Jan

No?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16839

David

It's not.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16840

Jan

Cause he likes them. Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16841

David

The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16842

Michael

Hey!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16843

Jan

Yeah!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16844

Michael

No--- We're all unstable.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16845

Jan

Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16846

Michael

David, I did not tell her.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16847

Andy

It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16848

Dwight

It's like outerspace without the stars, it's so black.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16849

Andy

This is gonna look so awesome!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16850

Dwight

It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16851

Andy

Totally!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16852

Jan

Bye Hunter.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16853

Hunter

Bye.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16854

Jan

Good luck with your band.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16855

Hunter

Oh, thank---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16856

Jan

Don't let them change you, okay? So long,.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16857

Michael

So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16858

David

Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16859

Michael

Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16860

David

No, we're not giving you the job.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16861

Michael

You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16862

David

I do.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16863

Michael

Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16864

David

Yes.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16865

Michael

Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. Either one of them... excellent candidates.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16866

Karen

Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16867

Jim

Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16868

Karen

Don't! She's nuts!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16869

Jim

Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16870

Karen

Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so...

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16871

Jim

Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16872

Karen

Just call me when you're done.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16873

Jim

Sure.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16874

Karen

Good luck, Halpert.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16875

Jim

Thank you.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16876

Receptionist

Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16877

Jan

Oh, God! I mean, I just don't understand! It's just

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16878

Michael

I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16879

Jan

Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so...

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16880

Michael

Well, it's... No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16881

Jan

Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16882

Michael

I don't know. Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16883

Jan

Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16884

Michael

I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16885

Pam

How'd it go?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16886

Michael

No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16887

Michael

Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. 'Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in.' Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16888

Dwight

To intimidate my subordinates.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16889

Michael

That's stupid.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16890

Dwight

It was Andy's idea.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16891

Michael

You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. Ryan, coffee.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16892

Ryan

I don't do that stuff anymore.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16893

Michael

No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16894

Michael

So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16895

Pam

Did... Karen get the job?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16896

Michael

Back to work. Still waitin' on that coffee.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16897

Dwight

Pam, hello.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16898

Pam

Dwight, hello.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16899

Dwight

I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16900

Pam

No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But--- you--- that is, a, um, you know, not--- A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16901

David

I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16902

Jim

I should leave.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16903

David

Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16904

Jim

Thanks.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16905

David

Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16906

Jim

I'm sorry, wait, so is the question 'How'd I get to be so awesome?' Because, I don't have an answer for you.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16907

David

Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16908

Jim

Yes, absolutely.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16909

David

And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out...

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16910

Jim

Oh, no, absolutely.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16911

David

...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here, he's probably the only person you're not gonna like. Kendall. Ugh. So, first up...

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16912

Jim

There you go.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16913

David

How do you think you function here in New York?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16914

Jim

What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just a energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. So that's a... bonus.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16915

David

You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. What have you liked most about that place?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16916

Jim

The friendships.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16917

David

Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16918

Jim

How are your feet?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16919

Pam

Medium rare. Thanks.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16920

Jim

The real reason that I went to Stamford... was because... I wanted to be... not here.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16921

Pam

I know.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16922

Jim

And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16923

Pam

Well, I wish you would.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16924

Pam

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just one moment, I'll transfer you.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16925

Pam

I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally---

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16926

Jim

Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16927

"The Job" Quotes (page 5)