Every line from The Office season 3, episode 23, in script order. First aired May 17, 2007.
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Jim
Yeah, bigger actually.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16628
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Pam
That's crazy!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16629
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Jim
Mm-hm.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16630
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Pam
Wow!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16631
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Karen
Oh my God. Can you believe that?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16632
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Jim
Unbelievable.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16633
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Karen
Wow!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16634
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Jim
She could put the cup right there.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16635
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Karen
I know!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16636
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Pam
No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16637
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Meredith
I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16638
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Kevin
I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16639
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Creed
I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16640
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Jan
So... there are a lot of things that I would like to do differently.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16641
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16642
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Jan
I feel like, when we first got together, that I had a problem with my priorities.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16643
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Michael
First got priorities.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16644
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Jan
And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation...
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16645
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Michael
Let's get back together.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16646
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Michael
No. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you this, it is
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16647
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Dwight
Okay, everyone, listen up! Time to begin the interview process! Andrew Bernard.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16648
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Andy
Saving the best for first!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16649
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Karen
All right, you guys. See you later, wish us luck!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16650
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Dwight
No! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do not wish them luck. Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16651
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Oscar
Good luck, you guys!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16652
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Dwight
What did I say!?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16653
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Pam
Good luck.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16654
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Jim
Thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16655
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Pam
I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche. And I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche... Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care. Cause I am what I am. That's Popeye.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16656
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Dwight
I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16657
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Andy
White, because it contains all other colors.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16658
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Dwight
Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. How do you make a table?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16659
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Andy
You make a chair, but you don't sit on it.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16660
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Dwight
What is the capital of Maine?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16661
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Andy
The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16662
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Dwight
Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. Don't wanna hear about it. Forget your personal history, and learn the history of this company.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16663
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Andy
Should not be a problem. I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16664
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Dwight
You're not off to a very good start, Bernard.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16665
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Andy
I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16666
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Andy
I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16667
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Dwight
Time! No, you failed.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16668
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Andy
Damn it!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16669
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Dwight
This interview is over. I'll let you know.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16670
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Karen
Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16671
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Jim
Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or...
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16672
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Karen
Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16673
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Jim
Oh wow, that sounds like fun. Is your friend named Karen too? What did she accomplish?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16674
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Karen
No, I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It's for me.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16675
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Jim
Oh...
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16676
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Karen
Cause I'm going to get the job.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16677
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Michael
Remarkable.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16678
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Jan
Thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16679
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Michael
Wait, wait. Check one more time.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16680
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Jan
Oh, okay.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16681
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Michael
Very good
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16682
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Jan
Well, I um, I have to get back, but I will see you in New York tomorrow, right?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16683
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Michael
Yes, indeed.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16684
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Jan
Good luck with your interview. Bye.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16685
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Michael
So, I guess we're getting back together.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16686
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Pam
What happened?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16687
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Michael
Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16688
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Michael
Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16689
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Karen
So we have all night. Where do you want to go first?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16690
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Jim
Oh, I dunno, how about the U.N.?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16691
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Karen
How often do you come here?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16692
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Jim
Um, everytime my sixth grade class has a field trip.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16693
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Karen
I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16694
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Michael
Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, I would like to start saying my goodbyes Okay. Goodnight, and good luck.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16695
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Dwight
Who's ready to work?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16696
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Jim
Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it. And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16697
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Karen
That wasn't him.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16698
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Karen
So what's going to happen to us when I get this job?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16699
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Jim
Oh do you mean when I get the job?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16700
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Karen
Well,
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16701
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Jim
You mean Kevin?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16702
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Karen
Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16703
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Jim
Yeah, I do. C'mon.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16704
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Michael
How are you guys doing? Need anything?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16705
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Karen
Uh, no, we're good. Thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16706
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Michael
I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16707
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Jim
Who's that?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16708
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Michael
That
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16709
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Jim
Beardy?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16710
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Michael
Mm-hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16711
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Jim
I'm gonna introduce myself.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16712
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Michael
No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so...
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16713
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Michael
I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16714
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Dwight
Michael is gone.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16715
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Andy
Hail to the chief!
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16716
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Dwight
My first order of business: make Andrew Bernard my number two.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16717
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Andy
My first order of business: accept.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16718
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Dwight
As if you had a choice. Duh. Opportunity of a lifetime.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16719
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Andy
Three months ago, I was nowhere. I was just a Cornell grad, in anger management. Look where I am now. Not bad.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16720
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Michael
Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16721
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Hunter
Uh, administrative assistant.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16722
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Michael
Jan in yet?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16723
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Hunter
I think she's comin' in... later.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16724
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Michael
Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in?
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16725
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Hunter
Sure.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16726
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Michael
Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means.
Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16727