Every quote from The Office season 1, episode 6, in script order. First aired April 26, 2005.
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Jan
Are you listening to me Michael?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1564
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Michael
Affirmative.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1565
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Jan
What did I just say?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1566
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Michael
You just said, let me uh... check my notes. You just said...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1567
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Jan
Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1568
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Michael
Hey, hey how is Alan? Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates!
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1569
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Jan
I'm not going to do that Michael.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1570
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Michael
Okay
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1571
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Jan
We've created an incentive program to increase sales.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1572
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Michael
Uh, huh.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1573
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Jan
At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1574
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Michael
Whoa. Howdy-ho. Wow, a thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I uh, do I get to pick the prize?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1575
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Jan
Uh, yes. Yes you can.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1576
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Michael
Um, question: Does top salesman include uh, people who were at one time such outstanding salesman that've been promoted to...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1577
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Jan
No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1578
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Michael
I didn't mean me!
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1579
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Michael
Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1580
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Dwight
Sex.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1581
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Michael
It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1582
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Dwight
Torture.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1583
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Michael
Tah, come on Dwight. Just help me out here. That's just stupid.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1584
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Pam
Uh, Michael?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1585
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Michael
Pam!
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1586
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Pam
Hey, there's a...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1587
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Michael
Burger with cheese!
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1588
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Pam
There's a person here...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1589
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Michael
And fries!
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1590
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Pam
There's...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1591
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Michael
And shake! What? Go ahead.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1592
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Pam
There's a person here who wants to sell handbags.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1593
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Michael
No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1594
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Pam
Okay, I told her you'd talk to her.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1595
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Michael
Pam. Pam. Come on, I'm busy. So just tell her to go away.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1596
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Pam
Okay.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1597
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Michael
Oooh, alright I'll talk to her.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1598
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Katy
This one is hand embroidered.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1599
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Michael
All right girls break it up, you're being infiltrated. Cock in the henhouse.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1600
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Dwight
Cocks in the henhouse.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1601
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Michael
Don't say cocks. Oh, what is your name, my fair lass?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1602
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Katy
Katy.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1603
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Michael
Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1604
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Michael
Oh, look. Oh hey, no catfights you two. I'm against violence in the workplace.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1605
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Dwight
So am I.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1606
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Michael
Nobody cares what you think.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1607
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Dwight
Doesn't matter.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1608
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Michael
So uh, you know what? I usually don't allow solicitors in the office but today I am going to break some rules, and you can have the conference room. It's yours. All day.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1609
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Katy
Wow, thanks.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1610
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Pam
There's an HR meeting in there at 11:30.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1611
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Michael
Well, lets put 'em in the hallway. Give 'em some chairs. Right? Decisiveness. One of the keys to success according to Small Businessman.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1612
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Michael
I do. I read Small Business man. I also uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine, that's the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix. Illuminating.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1613
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Michael
This is my conference room. So please, uh, make yourself at home. Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall. used to be a window here. There's not anymore. So, that's where I will be.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1614
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Michael
So if you need anything else, something to make you more confortable just don't hesitate to ask. I'm right here.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1615
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Katy
I guess a cup of coffee would be great.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1616
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Michael
Wait a second. I should have spotted another addict. Uh, gotta love the 'bucks.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1617
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Katy
What?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1618
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Michael
It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man, that place is like the promised land to me. What a business model too. Ah, too bad we don't have the good stuff here.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1619
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Katy
Regular coffee is fine.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1620
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Michael
Nah, it's not. it's spppplllibbb
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1621
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Katy
No really it is.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1622
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Michael
No, here's the thing. Y'know I do my best to be my own man and go by the beat of a different drummer and nobody gets me, and they're always putting up walls and I'm always tearing 'em down, just breakin' down barriers, that's what I do all day. So a coffee, regular coffee for you. High test, or unleaded?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1623
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Katy
Bring it on.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1624
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Michael
Oh. Woo, I will. I will bring it on. Ah, all right.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1625
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Kevin
So are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1626
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Pam
No.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1627
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Kevin
She's prettier than you though.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1628
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Pam
That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1629
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Kevin
[nods]
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1630
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Katy
So do you like the periwinkle and the purples?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1631
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Dwight
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1632
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Michael
There ya go. Nice steaming cup o'joe.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1633
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Katy
Thank you.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1634
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Michael
I have an idea. Why don't I introduce you around, you know you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele, right?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1635
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Katy
Gosh, I would love to but, my purses, I should, um...
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1636
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Michael
Oh, um, well, we could have Ryan take a look. Ryan, would you look after the purses, please?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1637
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Ryan
I'm installing File Share on all the computers.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1638
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Michael
Yeah, well, bladdy-bluda-blah-blah. Techno-babble. Just do it, okay. We have company. Right?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1639
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Michael
You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest. So here's Oscar. Oscar, this is Katy.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1640
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Oscar
I'm on the phone.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1641
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Michael
Oooh-ooh. Oscar the grouch. Right? I thought of that.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1642
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Katy
That was on Sesame Street.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1643
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Michael
I know. I know. I made the connection. Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1644
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Katy
No, I don't believe that.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1645
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Michael
I know, it's unbelievable.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1646
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Pam
It's nice having Katy around. It's another person for Michael to um, interact with.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1647
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Michael
Here is Toby from Human Resources. Katy, Toby.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1648
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Katy
Hi
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1649
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Toby
Hi, nice to meet you.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1650
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Michael
Toby, Katy.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1651
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Toby
Hey, um did you go to uh, Bishop O'Hara?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1652
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Katy
Yeah.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1653
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Toby
Yeah, me too.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1654
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Katy
Cool. What year were you there?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1655
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Toby
Eighty-nine.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1656
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Michael
Toby's divorced. He uh, guh recently, right?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1657
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Toby
Yeah.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1658
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Michael
You and your wife, and you have kids.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1659
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Toby
A girl.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1660
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Michael
Oh that so - that was really messy. He slept one night in your car too?
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1661
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Toby
[looks resigned]
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1662
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Katy
I should probably get back to my table.
Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1663