Robert California Quotes from The Office (page 3)

CEO of Dunder Mifflin Sabre, briefly.

445 quotes · page 3 of 5

1. Good. It seems like you have this under control. So I'll just duck out and run the company for a while.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48179

2. Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office that could use an extra pair of hands?

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48204

3. I am the CEO and I am telling an employee of mine what to do.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48206

4. No. Absolutely not. Andrew there must be something you can do. Think.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48209

5. I would be eternally grateful. It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48211

6. Say hello grandma.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48215

7. Hold one finger up to Susan. You'll just be a second. You numbskull. You were given a very simple task. I could not have been more clear with you. Now say, 'are you taking your medicine?'

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48217

8. Why can you not say exactly what I tell you? Undo this. Undo it.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48219

9. Andy! Andy, could you step in here, please? We'll fix this.

   Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48265

10. Please. Andrew, my wife... has brought up an issue that requires your attention. So, uh, if you'll excuse me, I should step out, get to the ATM before that homeless man sets up camp for the night.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48267

11. Oh, still here. Terrific.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48296

12. Well that's a shame.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48298

13. Where did this come from? Did Andy say that?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48301

14. What's the struggle? He made a great call, hired a great person.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48303

15. Absolutely.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48305

16. No games.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48307

17. Okay, enough of this. I mean, really, enough. It's gotten way out of hand. Andrew, this is my wife. Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for. But it is not welcome right now. Just be honest.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48309

18. Andy, just answer the question.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48313

19. No games.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48315

20. You lying son of a bitch!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48317

21. Tell my wife you're lying.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48318

22. This is preposterous.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48322

23. Let's get Jim in here. Where's Jim?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48324

24. Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48326

25. That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48328

26. Hello Jim.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48340

27. So I think you know what we want to know.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48342

28. Yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48344

29. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48351

30. All right. Thanks.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48358

31. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48361

32. Heh.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48364

33. I love my wife.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48401

34. This whole accusation is insulting. Come on.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48410

35. Hello, ah. Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48441

36. The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48443

37. Hey! Oh!

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48446

38. I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48449

39. It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48451

40. I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.....ah, heartbreaking.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48453

41. Erin, what can I get for you?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48509

42. Now why would you come to a bar and ask for a cola when you can get some from the kitchen? Did some small part of you want something a little stronger? Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar, come and take these shots!

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48511

43. The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine too.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48515

44. Mmm. Wow.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48519

45. Jiminey Christmas indeed.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48521

46. Oh.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48523

47. She, she is remarkable.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48542

48. Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48662

49. Your heart is broken. So is mine.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48664

50. And what?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48666

51. No my god.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48668

52. I've been married thrice and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce, I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice....I was hoping you were gonna make me feel better.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48670

53. Erin, it was great fun tonight. Take a few aspirin and a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48711

54. Where can I get a drink? Oh...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48721

55. Par for the course. Par for the...freaking course. I'll be in the party room having a cookie until 11. Haha! Yule-log.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48723

56. Not destroyed. No..... Not destructive. Quite...off-kilter, sure. But... that's too vague. Erratic. Darkly erratic. That's my mood.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48724

57. I am. I'm a mess.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48726

58. Oh, that sounds nice.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48728

59. Lovely. Wait, where is this taking place?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48730

60. What...is happening to me? The lines in your haggard face are paths that lead nowhere. Your hair is the fire of hell. I sincerely hope you find a sexual partner tonight.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48732

61. Dwight.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48795

62. You made it.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48797

63. Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48799

64. Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48840

65. No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48842

66. Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48846

67. It's a command.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48848

68. Dwight! How nice of Gabe to show you where I live. Come around. 102.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48936

69. Shalom. Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48956

70. Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48959

71. They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48969

72. Sit down, Dwight.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48971

73. You were dining alone? All those people are you?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48973

74. Ah-ah-ah- your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager's job. And Florida, you don't want to live here. Even I don't want to live here. That's why I'm always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America's basement: It's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48975

75. This medal was my grandfather's. He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. It's a tribute one man gives another. I could give you a job, Dwight. Why not let me give you something even better?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48977

76. Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I'll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48979

77. I'm selling the house, actually.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49055

78. It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue... this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49057

79. What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49059

80. Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49061

81. A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49063

82. What, as some sort of last hoorah?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49067

83. You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let's try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let's just call it a get-together. And let's say no food.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49069

84. You should see the whole thing.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49093

85. I'm just about to give the tour.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49095

86. Join us. You must see what you were laughing about.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49097

87. Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you're simply a penis, a vagina, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49142

88. Wine collection.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49144

89. About twelve hundred. What the hell, grab a bottle. Less inventory for the lawyers.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49146

90. Oh.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49150

91. Jim, come see this next room. I think you especially would like it.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49155

92. I don't know. Maybe not. Just come.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49157

93. I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49175

94. To the kitchen. Onward!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49179

95. I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49211

96. When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here Marley and Me and On Golden Pond.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49216

97. And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49287

98. Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49299

99. Yes, that's it. Push yourselves, boys. It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you. I need a breather. Oh. Oh. You two keep going.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49302

100. This room I liked for the view. I dreamed that I would watch my guests walk to their cars at dawn, their faces flushed with the shame and regret for the choices they made the night before.

     Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49341