thedundies.com

Robert California Quotes from The Office

CEO of Dunder Mifflin Sabre, briefly.

445 quotes · page 1 of 5

  1. It's nice. I know.

    Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41775

  2. Hi.

    Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41777

  3. Oscar. A pleasure.

    Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41779

  4. Thank you so much.

    Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41813

  5. I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work.

    Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41827

  6. You don't work in sales, do you.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45290

  7. You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don't be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only... sex. Everything... is sex. You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth,... Toby.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45292

  8. Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45295

  9. Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45298

  10. That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object... whether it will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we've had already, you won't be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim?

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45300

  11. Yes. You do.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45302

  12. Ohh, unfortunately, yes.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45322

  13. That business can't attract anyone. It's awful up there. Those people seem like they're in prison, waiting out life sentences in a... dying industry.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45324

  14. I just did.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45328

  15. It's done.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45330

  16. I know you now, your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45332

  17. I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45334

  18. I will get offered the job. That's a... call I've received many times. The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause... while they wait to hear my response, and then... my response.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45702

  19. Hello.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45755

  20. Describe your day so far.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45757

  21. And when you recount your day, never say you woke up. It's a waste of your time. That's how every day's begun, for everyone, since the dawn of man.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45759

  22. What are your thoughts.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45767

  23. Yes, for god's sake Andy. Yes, come in.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45812

  24. Great. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45814

  25. What is this?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45816

  26. You read my notebook? And photocopied it. And distributed it.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45818

  27. Ah, please. Here's what it is. It's a doodle.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45820

  28. Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised. Don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist. So I draw words and lists.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45822

  29. Might as well have been sketching a cube.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45824

  30. I'd like to invite the following people to join me for lunch: Jim, Dwight, Angela, Darryl, Kevin, Toby, Phyllis, Oscar.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45840

  31. Jim, your daughter, Cecilia. What does she think of the street?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45850

  32. Sesame street.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45852

  33. Elmo, god's sake, it's the Elmo era.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45854

  34. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. Complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Ours is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45856

  35. I just think you guys are winners and I wanted to have lunch with you.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45873

  36. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45878

  37. I don't- I don't wanna say-

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45880

  38. No, no.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45882

  39. Ha, I guess I think they're losers.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45884

  40. Probably shouldn't have said that.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45886

  41. I never said that.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45907

  42. Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some things I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues. And then, inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't, I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45910

  43. I'm not gonna change my list, Andy, and I don't use ballpoint pens.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45916

  44. I did not know about the sales figures.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45918

  45. Are we done?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45924

  46. You want a three and half day weekend for Columbus Day?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45926

  47. And you are aware that Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45928

  48. That sounds good.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45961

  49. Jim, you alright? What are you doing?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45969

  50. I can expense it.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45977

  51. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45980

  52. Hello, Andy. Excellent tie.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46061

  53. I'd love some coffee.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46063

  54. I was looking over your projections, and I think we can do better.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46064

  55. Andy, do you know why I chose you?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46066

  56. Vanilla? No no no no. You'll never guess in a million billion years you'll never guess.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46068

  57. Andy, can you inspire? Do you have that skill set?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46070

  58. Oh! Thank you. Uh'.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46072

  59. You can just put it down.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46074

  60. That is very cold.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46076

  61. Why would I'..?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46078

  62. You like her.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46084

  63. She likes you.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46086

  64. I'm afraid you've lost my interest.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46088

  65. If the office superstore was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, why are we still here?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46091

  66. Ah'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46092

  67. Oh, you'd go someplace else. That's not it, that's not the answer.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46094

  68. It's a wrong answer.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46096

  69. Take a look at where you are, where you once worked in a dying industry, you now work at it's birth. Those superstores are terrified of us. Anybody know why?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46098

  70. Let me tell you how I buy something these days. I know what I want I go on the internet, I get the best price. Or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find that customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them 'you are welcome.' Andrew, I chose you for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quarter we saw 4% growth. Double it.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46100

  71. Double.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46102

  72. I'm not kidding.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46104

  73. Double.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46106

  74. Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated. What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for mediocrity, yes, but then again, it might just be why people fight for him.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46263

  75. There's something about an underdog that really inspires'the unexceptional.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46266

  76. Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46696

  77. Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46698

  78. You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46700

  79. It's a basil plant.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46702

  80. I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46704

  81. Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46706

  82. Hello Andy.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46755

  83. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46757

  84. Yes, hello, nice to meet you.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46759

  85. Andy, where shall I put your basil plant?

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46761

  86. No, I'm certain you said basil.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46763

  87. I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46785

  88. You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager, one day the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46787

  89. Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46821

  90. Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46823

  91. We'll talk.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46825

  92. Are you sure?

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46840

  93. My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there! Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 4 · Line 46842

  94. Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer.

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46967

  95. Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company.

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46969

  96. Here, use this one.

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46971

  97. Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son?

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46972

  98. Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us.

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46975

  99. Extraordinary. Did you plan this?

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46977

  100. Delightful.

    Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 46983