Robert California Quotes from The Office (page 4)

CEO of Dunder Mifflin Sabre, briefly.

445 quotes · page 4 of 5

1. I am loving the chemistry between you two.

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2. I bet. I'm excited.

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3. If I may, try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here.

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4. That's right. Your little finger.

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5. I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.

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6. I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.

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7. Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.

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8. But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us.

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9. I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.

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10. Bravo, Dwight! Very good! Shame.

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11. What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.

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12. I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.

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13. That was never on the table.

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14. And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.

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15. Nellie.

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16. How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far?

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17. Good.

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18. Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it?

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19. Now. Let's find you something fun to do here, shall we?

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20. We have a manager.

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21. Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning?

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22. Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work?

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23. I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately.

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24. He just hung up on me mid-sentence.

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25. Not much we can do about this until he gets here.

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26. Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

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27. This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out.

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28. We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman?

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29. I am not. Huh.

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30. Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown?

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31. Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss.

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32. Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

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33. When two animals are having sex, one of them...

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34. ' is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.

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35. All life is sex. And all sex is competition.

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36. And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?

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37. My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?

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38. Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe.

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39. Good morning, Robert,' says no one because our receptionist is in Florida. Pam!

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40. Is this a video conference you're having with 'Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz'?

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41. People, you should come to work already warm. Nine to ten a.m. is the most productive potential that a human being-

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42. Nellie, really, nine fifty?

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43. Ah.

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44. I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman.

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45. I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason.

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46. No, no, no, no. There's something going on. Some stress in your life.

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47. Nellie?

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48. You're clearly under a lot of... stress with the moving and the work situation you've found yourself in.

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49. Let's help her out, shall we? Go above and beyond today to show her some of that warm Scranton hospitality. Jim. Dwight. Take the day. Help Nellie move those boxes into her new place.

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50. The rest of you, let's throw a party at the end of the day to welcome the newest member of our little community.

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51. This humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent.

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52. Cheers.

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53. no, Nellie, she-

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54. Oh, no, you-

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55. Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?

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56. Well Nellie, I'm sorry. If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician-

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57. Interesting. Yes. No, yes, I see that. Great work, team. Great party.

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58. Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office-

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59. I'm sorry?

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60. I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me.

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61. You're both adults. I'm sure you can figure this out between yourselves.

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62. I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to excuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.

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63. Andrew, not everyone here is important. And the word is 'impotence.'

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64. It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. Fascinating.

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65. Jim, maybe you could tell us about one of those times.

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66. No, that's absolutely the case.

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67. Andy, why don't you tell us about the best erection of your life? Or does anyone else have any remarkable erections they'd like to share?

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68. I almost didn't come in today.

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69. Andy, why don't you just take a seat?

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70. Andy, Erin, you can join us now.

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71. Andy, we're going to go with Nellie as manager and put you back on the sales team. I promise you, in time, we'll all laugh about this incident. I already think it's kind of funny.

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72. Excuse me?

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73. Well you can't say no.

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74. Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job.

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75. Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. So... is there anything else you wanna say?

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76. Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation sex club over on I-84. The red room say? Or Dominick's?

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77. Andrew.

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78. I stepped in right away and start--

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79. Well...

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80. So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure?

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81. and the hero, who's that based on?

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82. Andrew, I think this may have been a bad idea. Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight?

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83. Andy you should leave. Now.

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84. Thank you. Why do we love dogs? Want me to tell you why? There is no answer. Our love for them confounds reason!

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85. The state senator, Robert Lipton, loves dogs. he asked me if I loved dogs. you know what I said? Yes!

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86. Bella here was a therapy dog for ten years. when her owner passed away she came to this organization for placement. But people don't often adopt older dogs, so Bella and eleven heroes like her are being cared for by our generous volunteers because frankly nobody else will

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87. Andy, that's very kind--

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88. Andy why don't we discuss this at a--

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89. Everyone, conference room, now.

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90. Shh' shh'

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91. Can everyone just, please' I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and ' how should I say this ' Columbian whites. What ' what is this about, uh, Binghamton?

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92. Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today. Or, I guess, last night. But, in vino veritas as they say, I'm not gonna start doubting my drunken self now.

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93. Wonderful.

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94. Pam, when's the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn't hold the memories in?

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95. Apparently, I left a phone message for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said.

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96. Yes, 'course. Why don't you list the things that would keep you from helping me.

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97. Let's do it now. What's number one?

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98. There we go.

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99. Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've hit my limit on the Tylenol ' Oh.

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100. Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida?

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