Robert California Quotes from The Office (page 2)

CEO of Dunder Mifflin Sabre, briefly.

445 quotes · page 2 of 5

1. Now then, how are we today?

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2. Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright?

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3. You feeling fulfilled in your life?

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4. You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have.

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5. Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours?

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6. Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby?

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7. What are we talking about?

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8. You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you?

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9. It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over.

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10. Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close.. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business.

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11. You were going to talk at the end of the' I'm not here.

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12. I'm never uncomfortable.

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13. I should go.

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14. Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?

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15. Are you scared of snakes?

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16. What am I up to?

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17. When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.

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18. The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies.

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19. Amongst them was a man, tall, slim.

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20. Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. 'Oh, wait,' she thought, 'I don't have a husband.' For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, 'Baby, are you okay?' Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, 'I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine.'

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21. Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear.

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22. What are we talking about?

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23. Have you seen a ghost?

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24. No, no. I'm very comfortable with all things sexual. Continue.

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25. Have you considered the possibility that you slept with a drifter?

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26. This is atrocious.

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27. The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office.

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28. Did you need something from us?

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29. Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free.

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30. Who are they?

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31. Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.

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32. Simply'end the mistakes

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33. When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice?

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34. End the mistakes. That is all I ask. And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all.

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35. I'll see you next week Will.

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36. Jim what are you'What a surprise.

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37. Yeah.

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38. A game or a match?

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39. In the box.

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40. Sounded like mine.

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41. Well, it's mine. You took it out of my bag.

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42. Can I have it?

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43. Yep.

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44. Whoa, no, wait, wait, wait, whoa.

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45. ha, Jesus.

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46. Nah, it's good.

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47. Yeah.

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48. It's the standard one. The one everyone has.

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49. It depends Jim. Do you find one-day only Jet Blue sales to Buffalo interesting?

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50. My serve!

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51. Take it easy. Nice and easy.

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52. Oo!

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53. You alright?

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54. Skinned knee.

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55. Oo, a little ice on that maybe.

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56. Okay. My serve.

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57. Eleven love. I win again.

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58. I don't think so.

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59. Why? Not only are you terrible at squash, but you don't even seem to enjoy it. Jim, this is not enough of a challenge for me.

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60. Let's wait, until we have something to smoke about.

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61. Just taking a stroll. What exactly have I stumbled upon here?

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62. You're a band.

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63. I miss being in a band.

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64. Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right?

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65. I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car.

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66. Hey, you found us!

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67. Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician and the officiate at my wedding.

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68. You guys mind if they join us?

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69. What should we play?

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70. Midnight Rambler?

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71. Oh, hi there.

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72. Where is everyone? Where is Andy?

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73. Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. But what we have here... is perhaps better. By not going on the trip, you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office.

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74. So, here what we can do. Game changers- changes to the game such that the game can never be played the same way again. Everyone, brainstorm some innovations. Don't be afraid to get weird with it. Meredith! Excited!

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75. I am so eager to hear your game-changers. Let's dig in, shall we?

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76. Absolutely.

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77. This idea hasn't gripped me. What else did you come up with?

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78. That was bad.

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79. The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with.

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80. No.

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81. I am not.

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82. Kevin, you've been quiet. I'm curious to know what your game-changer is.

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83. Cookies. Cookie placement.

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84. Who else agrees with Kevin, that we're wasting facilities, manpower, on our underselling products when we should be pushing our top-performers? There you go. Consensus.

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85. Interesting. So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants?

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86. That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic.

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87. And why is Black Rock suddenly the paragon by which all hedge funds must now be compared?

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88. Right. I mean you're an accountant. Those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane.

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89. Kevin!

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90. Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging.

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91. Well what is the idea?

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92. Oh my. It was just actually cookies the whole time?

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93. Haha! There he is. You mind lending a hand? I'm typing up a memo to share your ideas with the board.

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94. Great....ok.

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95. In four seconds my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. There you are! Honey how on earth could you miss the elevator?

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96. Everyone. I'd like to introduce my wife Mrs. Robert California. Mrs. California this is everyone.

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97. Last night at dinner Susan and I were talking about her returning to work. So she's here today to see if there's a good fit. Something tells me it just might work out. This is Andy Bernard the regional manager.

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98. Andy would you be so kind as to show Susan around the office. Show her the various departments. Find a place where she'll shine.

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99. Andy. Let's see if there's a good fit first. Then we'll talk.

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100. Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance and success to our clients. Certainly worth exploring; wouldn't you agree Andy?

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