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Nellie Bertram Quotes from The Office (page 2)

Special projects manager who declared herself regional manager.

530 quotes · page 2 of 6

  1. So far, so good.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51163

  2. Water pressure in the hotel is marvelous.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51165

  3. Mm-hm.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51167

  4. Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51169

  5. Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51171

  6. So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51204

  7. So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. But why, m'lady? Because I am your new manager.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51206

  8. I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51210

  9. Performance reviews.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51212

  10. On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51214

  11. All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51251

  12. Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51253

  13. Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51255

  14. Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51257

  15. Then you accept it?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51259

  16. Absolutely not. Seven percent.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51261

  17. So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51265

  18. So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51268

  19. Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51270

  20. Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51290

  21. So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51319

  22. That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51321

  23. Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for-- what is it? 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51323

  24. You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51325

  25. Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51327

  26. I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: 'I'm amazing.'

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51329

  27. Jim, time for your review.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51338

  28. Why are you so staunchly defending your friend, who has abandoned you? Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? Maybe definitely get a raise?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51340

  29. Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51342

  30. I'm Tinkerbell.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51344

  31. Mm-hm. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51346

  32. But here's the thing about Tinkerbell, Jim. Everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51348

  33. She dies! Now who here believes in Tinkerbell?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51350

  34. I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51377

  35. Sorry, sorry, everyone, I'm late! But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51405

  36. Oh, here's what happened. Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. I hear it. Whack the snooze.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51407

  37. Nine minutes. Bzz! Off it goes again. Whack! Seven more times I did that. Bzz, whack. Bzz, whack! By the time I got up, it was ten minutes ago. No willpower. That is my curse!

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51409

  38. Ah ha!

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51411

  39. Oh, I assure you, I would have done. I did, and I will keep doing it.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51413

  40. Well, yes, uh... there is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Then I have to move in to my apartment in this dreadful, God knows where it is backwater suburb of a suburb, and I mean, no offense but are there a lot of Irish people living around here?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51415

  41. Ugh! I hate that! No offense.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51417

  42. oh! Ay, carumba! The natives are getting restless!

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51420

  43. Uh, excuse me, the tone here is getting quite hostile. I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51422

  44. If you'd let me finish- Or the squash court, or the Supreme Court. Hmm?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51425

  45. Yes, Robert!

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51427

  46. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51429

  47. Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellant than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51475

  48. Oh.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51519

  49. I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51521

  50. God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51524

  51. I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51527

  52. Thank you. No. Look, Jim, Dwight, please, don't tell anyone about this.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51530

  53. God, no. That's the most embarrassing thing of all this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by bloody stage magician?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51532

  54. Jim, could you give us a hand?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51536

  55. Why thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51612

  56. Well, I thought it was quite fun. In fact, I think they're brilliant employees, in their own way. Don't you see what I see?

    Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51653

  57. Yes?

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51719

  58. Oh yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51721

  59. You are most welcome.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51723

  60. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51725

  61. Mm-hmm.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51727

  62. Hmm, no.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51729

  63. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51756

  64. Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51760

  65. I'm gonna count down from five and if you are not out of my office, I'm going to dock your pay one hundred dollars.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51763

  66. Five... four...

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51765

  67. Angela! Dock Andy's pay one hundred dollars.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51767

  68. Do you want to go again?

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51770

  69. Let's go again. Five... four...

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51772

  70. Three... two... one...

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51774

  71. Angela, two hundred dollars!

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51776

  72. I know what, let's go... ten thousand dollars! Five... four...

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51781

  73. Three...

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51783

  74. Two... one.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51785

  75. What do you mean?

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51820

  76. I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51822

  77. Okay, I would like to invite everyone into the conference room.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51823

  78. Okay, if you would like to take a seat we can get started.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51825

  79. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51827

  80. Which is important in its own way. So if you'd just like to take a seat, Andy.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51830

  81. Take a man's job, but leave him his balls.' Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51831

  82. This meeting is not about any one person in particular. It is a human problem.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51832

  83. Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51835

  84. Dwight told me about it earlier.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51838

  85. Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo?

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51855

  86. Oh... Stanley?

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51857

  87. Creed, you are a thousand years old.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51859

  88. The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51885

  89. Erin, on phone memos you're writing the date American style. Month, day, year. I prefer it day, month, year. Small, bigger, biggest. Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51888

  90. Okay, just calm down.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51893

  91. It's the apology. I really have to insist.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51956

  92. Stop saying no.

    Season 8 · Episode 21 · Line 51958

  93. I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones?

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 51986

  94. Yeah

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 51988

  95. I knew this would happen! Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered.

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52024

  96. Come in!

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52037

  97. Yes, cut out the clutter. Very simple, very minimal.

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52039

  98. How are things in the warehouse?

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52041

  99. The warehouse isn't downstairs? Is it? Is it?

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52043

  100. I...

    Season 8 · Episode 22 · Line 52045