Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office | Page 9

Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Quote 45127

Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Quote 45129

Yeah, I actually know about nice rings and it is gorgeous.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45349

Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, god, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45389

Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45391

What was that?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45393

Am I not a serious candidate?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45395

I don't have any, assh***.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45397

Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45521

Uh,... can it be in private? Don't worry, it's not about you. As Minority Executive, I think it's my responsibility to let you know that Gabe is gross. I don't think it's professional that he was sleeping with the receptionist, and then when Erin dumped him, so that she could be with Andy, he became a total crazy stalker psycho.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45523

Very, very interesting. And you know what? I'm impressed.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45619

I don't know, Jim, 'cause, makes me think about something my grandfather used to say, which is that, sometimes, the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat; that is the hand that you want on the wheel.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45621

Yeah, it was a great deal.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45623

I don't know. Dwight seems like a great leader to me, and I look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. What do you think, Toby?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45625

That is correct. Actually, Dwight is not the manager yet.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45632

I'm sorry, is that all you think of me? A minority? I am so much more than that. I am a dancer, I'm a singer, I'm a fashion designer.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45653

You are not leaving without giving me a hug. Ughh.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45670

I'm sorry! You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45672

I don't care. They can just vote.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45695

(planking on top of cabinet] Very smart.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45724

I can't get down.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45726

How is this a pizza party?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45864

Yeah, well, that's just pizza. You need at least one other element for it to be a party.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45866

Oh. Hey guys! We had so much fun. We had Margarita pizza. We all hung out. Got to know each other better. How was your lunch?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45895

Everybody hates those endings!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45943

Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? It's so gross.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46172

This point system is really insulting.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46176

That's a tablecloth.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46178

No! I mean, let him, he should just explore other options...

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46283

Bowties, no offense, are a black thing. They're for rappers and NBA players. I cringe when I see Tucker Carlson trying to pull off a bowtie. It's like yeah Tucker, you're so street.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46284

So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46319

Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46325

That'll work.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46344

Bye.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46347

Oh, god.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46369

I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean I'm getting paid a dollar a year, OK? You can chill.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46377

I don't get the reason for this party.

Season 8 · Episode 4 · Quote 46653

What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason?

Season 8 · Episode 4 · Quote 46655

I am so cold.

Season 8 · Episode 4 · Quote 46818

This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's?

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46905

Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46907

Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you?

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46924

What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman?

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46926

Well, Toby and I did, yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46978

1, 2, 3!

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46981

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46984

Fine.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46986

Mmhmm.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46989

I guess.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46991

I try not to think about it.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46993

Never marrying.

Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 46995

What emails are you talking about?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47266

That's not that bad actually.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47268

Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47274

Wha'what's Dwight's mothers name.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47321

Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut down the machine!!! Shut it down! Shut it down!

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47362

Well, you came to the right person. You have to follow your intuition, Pam. You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. Actually, what am I saying, you wish you had her life- no offense, Pam.

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47664

It is called the matchmaker test, and it is very powerful. Basically we have Pam ask Jim which of his friends he would set up with Cathy. If Jim picks a really hot friend, then we know that he thinks that Cathy's hot.

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47666

Eww!

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47696

I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs.

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47698

Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person.

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47700

I'm gonna write something mean on his wall.

Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47709

Oh my God, kill me!

Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47831

Yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47846

Pitiful.

Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47848

Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg.

Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47907

Isn't Gettysburg like three hours away?

Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48073

I have these new sneakers which are basically like a gym for your feet.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48228

I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48437

It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48439

Eww, what is that?

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48442

Cool.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48444

Do you think that's what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand?

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48567

Well help me, OK? Just, uh take...

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48652

Yo.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48655

On it.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48657

Jessica, did you just fart?

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48659

And that, is how it's done.

Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48660

No, it's Lamar Odom. If it'd been Ron Artest, it would have come up in Dancing with the Stars, when they pan over his trophy case when he's at home with his family. Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 48896

What!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 48939

Cause it's like, really...

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 49000

Having fun.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 49009

Tu Bishvat!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 49013

Hey, is it true that you're not allowed to spend time with your girlfriend during the month of Tu Bishvat?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 49017

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Ryan lies to me and says he has a whole Jewish holiday for an entire month.....

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Quote 49019

Whoa, you guys, I just found this insane engagement ring. Is anyone missing this?

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49172

I don't know. It looks pretty great to me.

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49174

Yeah, thanks. I'm really glad I found it.

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49220

Shh. Of course I'm superstitious. What are you talking about?

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49222

Oh God.

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49225

You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it.

Season 8 · Episode 12 · Quote 49258

Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture?

Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49604

So then this means nothing to you.

Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49606

Damn girl! Your body!

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49733

You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh.

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49826

Why?

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49837

Hell yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49839

Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch.

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49857

For you maybe.

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49875

I don't know how I'm going to live here without you.

Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49998

Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office (page 9)