Jan Levinson Quotes from The Office | Page 9

So, this girl that I basically grew up with becomes Miss West Virginia, and then suddenly, all the boys start paying attention to me. And it was funny because, you know, I never even considered myself beautiful until people started pointing it out to me. You know, 'Jan, wow, you are so much more beautiful than Miss West Virginia.' Ah, so that is why I uh... wait, Pam, what was your, what was your question?'

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20776

Well, I just got into a little trouble with the neighbors.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20779

I did, and I had a very late shift and I had a little bit of wine and I fell asleep.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20783

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20785

Yeah. But, you know, it was my fault.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20787

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20789

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20791

It was me!

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20793

I spray-painted that dog. It was sleek, and shiny, and perfect little haircut, it was parading around like it was God's gift to this God-forsaken town and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I went over there and I held down my knee and I just spray-painted it until I was good and done. It bit me on the arm, I didn't even feel it.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20795

What are you doing to him? What... is this about that stupid, ugly mutt?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20796

Please, please. Don't hurt him, okay?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20798

Well it was good to see you.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22402

Yeah, so...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22404

Hello... Michael.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22406

I...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22409

No.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22415

Uh, no.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22417

I didn't...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22419

... touch that.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22421

Why?

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22423

Yeah, it did...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22425

... happen when...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22427

... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22429

...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22431

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22433

I went to a sperm bank.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22435

Yuh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22437

Uh, yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22439

I know.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22441

No, no no... it's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really... this is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalogue. You should look through it. It's... and it's-in fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22443

IHop.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22445

If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22446

Oh, that's really good. I feel so much better. I just needed to get all that out onto the table.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22447

Look, I don't know what you're gonna be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class in Allentown, and um... you could come. I usually, you know, use a foam noodle instead of a partner...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22449

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22451

I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22736

Hi.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22738

Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22740

Oh, they found her?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22742

That's his ex.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22746

I can't feel... I can't feel anything that you're doing, Michael.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23161

It's like nothing's happening.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23163

Oh, just stop making excuses and just dig in there.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23165

Uh, new wicks from Craft Corner, uh, this dress returned to Suburban Casuals, and uh, panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23169

Well, I, you said you wanted to help, so I...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23171

You mean breastfeed?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23174

Uh, I'm fine, thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23176

Would you just call me when you're done with the errands, Michael?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23178

Hi, Jim!

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23560

This is my baby.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23562

Astrid.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23567

Well, um, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and-

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23569

And the birth instructor thought it wasn't a good idea for you to be there, so...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23571

OK, you don't have any idea what I've been through, so, let's...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23573

I'm sorry, I thought today at the baby shower would be a good time for the two of you to meet.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23575

Yes, yes you can. You know, I think, just leave her in the car seat. Yeah.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23577

trid.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23581

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23583

Michael, Michael, Michael, that's... yeah... that's too high. I'll take that.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23585

Thank you. That's very sweet of you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23596

Thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23600

Being good isn't always easy / No matter how hard I try / When he started sweet-talking to me / He'd come and tell me everything is all right / He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right / Can I get away again tonight / The only one...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23607

How well I remember / The look that was in his eyes / Stealing kisses from me on the sly / Taking time to make time / Telling me that he's all mine / Learning from each other's knowing / Looking to see how much we've grown / And the only one...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23618

Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23623

Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23625

Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23627

Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23629

And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23633

You're sad about this. I know that, and I wish that I... but... would it help if you held Astrid for just a, a little bit?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23636

All right. Um, I'm just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I'm exhausted, so um. Remind me to talk to you about Astrid's 529. Wake me in twenty.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23638

Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23659

Where's Astrid?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23661

On a what?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23663

That's funny.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23665

What are you doing? What's going on? Excuse me.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23674

There you are.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23676

You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23678

Michael, I need your help.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23679

Uh... come on.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23681

Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23684

You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23686

Ah. Thanks, Dwight.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23688

OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23689

Don't date Holly.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23691

Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I'll see you... soon.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23693

OK.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23695

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23720

OK, you know what, I don't think I need to do this one, because I only gained twelve pounds and I'm just going to get rid of all of that, so...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23724

OK, give me the roll. I'll do it.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23726

Yeah, we're not doing my boobs, Michael. OK, seven, someone give me the prize. Oh, it's OK...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23728

Uh, yes, I did.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23739

Oh.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23741

Well, this is a highly exclusive establishment.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23743

Well, I paid for an ideal specimen.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23745

This is a wonderful shower, everyone. Thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23747

It's not Kevin's child. Can't possibly be. I mean, I don't know what I would do. Sue... icide?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23749

Okay, 'Stridly, you want to try the other side? Okay, here we go. That's good. Oh, good job.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23750

You know what, Kevin? Why don't you just go ahead and stare? Because, you know, it's, it's fine with me. I mean, this is sooo natural, and so beautiful, and...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23752

Of course. I mean, there's nothing erotic about this, you know, it's, it's, it's what these were made for, you know, I mean they're full of baby milk, they're... nourishing my baby, so... Michael!

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23754

...to accommodate the, uh, suppliers. Gentlemen! Nice to see you, it'll be just a moment. If you could show them into Conference Room B. The pharmaceutical aspects should be able to...

Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39300

Jan Levinson Quotes from The Office (page 9)