Jan Levinson Quotes from The Office | Page 9

So, this girl that I basically grew up with becomes Miss West Virginia, and then suddenly, all the boys start paying attention to me. And it was funny because, you know, I never even considered myself beautiful until people started pointing it out to me. You know, 'Jan, wow, you are so much more beautiful than Miss West Virginia.' Ah, so that is why I uh... wait, Pam, what was your, what was your question?'

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20776

Well, I just got into a little trouble with the neighbors.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20779

I did, and I had a very late shift and I had a little bit of wine and I fell asleep.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20783

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20785

Yeah. But, you know, it was my fault.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20787

Mm-hmm.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20789

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20791

It was me!

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20793

I spray-painted that dog. It was sleek, and shiny, and perfect little haircut, it was parading around like it was God's gift to this God-forsaken town and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I went over there and I held down my knee and I just spray-painted it until I was good and done. It bit me on the arm, I didn't even feel it.

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20795

What are you doing to him? What... is this about that stupid, ugly mutt?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20796

Please, please. Don't hurt him, okay?

Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20798

Well it was good to see you.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22402

Yeah, so...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22404

Hello... Michael.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22406

I...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22409

No.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22415

Uh, no.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22417

I didn't...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22419

... touch that.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22421

Why?

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22423

Yeah, it did...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22425

... happen when...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22427

... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22429

...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22431

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22433

I went to a sperm bank.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22435

Yuh-huh.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22437

Uh, yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22439

I know.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22441

No, no no... it's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really... this is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalogue. You should look through it. It's... and it's-in fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22443

IHop.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22445

If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22446

Oh, that's really good. I feel so much better. I just needed to get all that out onto the table.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22447

Look, I don't know what you're gonna be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class in Allentown, and um... you could come. I usually, you know, use a foam noodle instead of a partner...

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22449

Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22451

I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22736

Hi.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22738

Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22740

Oh, they found her?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22742

That's his ex.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22746

I can't feel... I can't feel anything that you're doing, Michael.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23161

It's like nothing's happening.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23163

Oh, just stop making excuses and just dig in there.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23165

Uh, new wicks from Craft Corner, uh, this dress returned to Suburban Casuals, and uh, panty liners.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23169

Well, I, you said you wanted to help, so I...

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23171

You mean breastfeed?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23174

Uh, I'm fine, thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23176

Would you just call me when you're done with the errands, Michael?

Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23178

Hi, Jim!

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23560

This is my baby.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23562

Astrid.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23567

Well, um, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and-

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23569

And the birth instructor thought it wasn't a good idea for you to be there, so...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23571

OK, you don't have any idea what I've been through, so, let's...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23573

I'm sorry, I thought today at the baby shower would be a good time for the two of you to meet.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23575

Yes, yes you can. You know, I think, just leave her in the car seat. Yeah.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23577

trid.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23581

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23583

Michael, Michael, Michael, that's... yeah... that's too high. I'll take that.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23585

Thank you. That's very sweet of you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23596

Thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23600

Being good isn't always easy / No matter how hard I try / When he started sweet-talking to me / He'd come and tell me everything is all right / He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right / Can I get away again tonight / The only one...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23607

How well I remember / The look that was in his eyes / Stealing kisses from me on the sly / Taking time to make time / Telling me that he's all mine / Learning from each other's knowing / Looking to see how much we've grown / And the only one...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23618

Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23623

Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23625

Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23627

Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23629

And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23633

You're sad about this. I know that, and I wish that I... but... would it help if you held Astrid for just a, a little bit?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23636

All right. Um, I'm just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I'm exhausted, so um. Remind me to talk to you about Astrid's 529. Wake me in twenty.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23638

Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23659

Where's Astrid?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23661

On a what?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23663

That's funny.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23665

What are you doing? What's going on? Excuse me.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23674

There you are.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23676

You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23678

Michael, I need your help.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23679

Uh... come on.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23681

Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23684

You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23686

Ah. Thanks, Dwight.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23688

OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23689

Don't date Holly.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23691

Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I'll see you... soon.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23693

OK.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23695

Well...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23720

OK, you know what, I don't think I need to do this one, because I only gained twelve pounds and I'm just going to get rid of all of that, so...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23724

OK, give me the roll. I'll do it.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23726

Yeah, we're not doing my boobs, Michael. OK, seven, someone give me the prize. Oh, it's OK...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23728

Uh, yes, I did.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23739

Oh.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23741

Well, this is a highly exclusive establishment.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23743

Well, I paid for an ideal specimen.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23745

This is a wonderful shower, everyone. Thank you.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23747

It's not Kevin's child. Can't possibly be. I mean, I don't know what I would do. Sue... icide?

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23749

Okay, 'Stridly, you want to try the other side? Okay, here we go. That's good. Oh, good job.

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23750

You know what, Kevin? Why don't you just go ahead and stare? Because, you know, it's, it's fine with me. I mean, this is sooo natural, and so beautiful, and...

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23752

Of course. I mean, there's nothing erotic about this, you know, it's, it's, it's what these were made for, you know, I mean they're full of baby milk, they're... nourishing my baby, so... Michael!

Season 5 · Episode 3 · Quote 23754

...to accommodate the, uh, suppliers. Gentlemen! Nice to see you, it'll be just a moment. If you could show them into Conference Room B. The pharmaceutical aspects should be able to...

Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39300

Jan Levinson Quotes from The Office (page 9)