Jan Levinson Quotes from The Office

Corporate VP, candle entrepreneur.

949 quotes · page 1 of 10

1. Just before lunch. That would be great.

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2. Alright, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?

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3. What? I'm sorry?

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4. Well, I faxed one over to you this morning.

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5. Do you want to look at mine?

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6. OK. Since the last meeting, Ellen and the board have decided we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stamford branch.

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7. Michael, don't panic.

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8. No, no, no, Michael, listen OK. Don't panic. We haven't made... We haven't decided.

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9. I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. I've told him the same as you and it's up to either him or you to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other.

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10. This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing.

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11. Go ahead.

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12. So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily.

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13. So, which health plan have you decided on?

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14. Wait, acupuncture? None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely Michael?

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15. The Gold Plan? I'm not even on that plan.

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16. Michael.

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17. You know the whole reason that we're doing this, is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and choose the cheapest plan.

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18. It's your job. So...

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19. Michael... maybe... I mean...

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20. Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time.

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21. I'm doing it right now. To you.

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22. Hello?

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23. This is Jan.

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24. Who is this?

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25. From sales?

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26. Where's Michael Scott?

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27. Dwight, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything. Understand?

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28. Really?

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29. OK, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately.

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30. No. Please don't use my cell phone ever again.

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31. Are you listening to me Michael?

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32. What did I just say?

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33. Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales.

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34. I'm not going to do that Michael.

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35. We've created an incentive program to increase sales.

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36. At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars.

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37. Uh, yes. Yes you can.

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38. No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize.

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39. It's a, it's, it's a two and a half hour drive from New York, Michael.

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40. No.

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41. No, we don't approve of this Michael. I mean, y-you only had the budget for one office party a year, so... we're not paying for this.

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42. Are you there Michael?

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43. Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you?

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44. You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.

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45. And you had a luau....

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46. And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money.

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47. Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.

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48. Yes. Yes, I did. Okay. Well, we can talk about that later then. Hi.

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49. You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem?

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50. Well, that... that's true in a way. You can't say anything.

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51. Do you need to see the video again, Michael?

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52. Michael. MICHAEL!

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53. Michael, please.

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54. Mike... Michael. Please. I... I... really.

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55. That's not my sense of humor.

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56. Wha...

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57. 'Scuse me, I'm sorry. Michael. Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer.

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58. Mr. O'Malley is our Corporate lawyer. We have him on retainer. To protect the company as well as upper level management, such as yourself.

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59. This is Jan.

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60. Excuse me?

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61. Devon. The... Oh, is this the man that you...

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62. The person that you fired, Michael?

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63. Is that what you're... Okay. Oh, you sound a little... A little upset.

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64. Well, I have to say that I am impressed, Michael. I know... I know how hard that was.

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65. Well, I'm glad you did it, Michael.

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66. And so, good job. Good job.

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67. Yeah. Good job.

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68. Yup. Yes.

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69. This is a projection of the county's needs...

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70. Thirteen schools, uh, two hospitals...

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71. So when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to, um-

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72. Excuse me?

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73. You had no right to do that, Michael.

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74. It said that.

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75. Alright. But you will let me run this meeting.

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76. What?

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77. Thank you.

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78. Michael, shouldn't take more than an hour.

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79. Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?

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80. So which way is Chili's?

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81. Oh, no, that's alright. I wanna leave straight from there.

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82. I know Scranton.

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83. Alright.

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84. If it's a couple blocks away-

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85. Ok.

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86. Why would we need a signal?

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87. What kinda trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael?

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88. You're gonna let me do the talking, we agreed on that.

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89. Just Jan Levinson.

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90. No. Thank you very much for meeting with us. Have you been waiting long?

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91. Michael.

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92. Michael, we got divorced, ok? I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

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93. Michael. Uh, could we have a table for three, please?

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94. We're in a meeting.

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95. Christian.

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96. I thought we could start by going over the needs of the county.

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97. What?

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98. So-

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99. If you have a-

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100. Christian, you don't have to listen to this.

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