Every line from The Office season 9, episode 23, in script order. First aired May 16, 2013.
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Jakey
Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59588
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Meredith
Take it off.. Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey. Stripper's only as good as his song.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59589
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Rachel
oh, wowee wow.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59590
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Angela
Okay'
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59591
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Pam
Whoo-hoo'go, Meredith's stripper son.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59592
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Angela
Rachel, are you all right?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59593
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Rachel
I don't know! I don't know.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59594
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Angela
Oh geeze.. Oh, my God!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59595
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Meredith
Be gentle Jakey. Gentle. One second. Just one second. Look.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59596
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Angela
Okay, if anything, this is rougher. Stop it Meredith.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59597
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Meredith
Fine. My bad. Go ahead Jakey.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59598
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Angela
Uh, no. It's o'thank you. You know what? You don't have to'oh no, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59599
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Dwight
Now, for the last time, I'd like a side salad with balsamic.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59600
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Clark
Dwight, for the last time, she's not a waitress.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59601
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Dwight
You're telling me!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59602
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Oscar
If you want her to leave, just tip her.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59603
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Dwight
What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet. Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? Do you have those? Those aren't deep fried, right?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59604
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Angela
That was interesting. What was that?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59605
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Phyllis
It's just the wind.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59606
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Angela
Will you lock the door?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59607
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Phyllis
Okay. It's just the wind, see? Nothing.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59608
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Angela
Alright, see, you don't have to leave the door wide open. We get it. It's the wind. Just come and shut'OH! My God!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59609
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All
[screams]
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59610
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Erin
Phyllis!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59611
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Rachel
What's happening?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59612
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Dwight
Oh, man, never thought I'd say this but I think I ate too much bone marrow.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59613
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Jim
Oh, it's the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59614
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Dwight
Good old Mose.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59615
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Jim
They think it was Mose.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59616
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Dwight
Oh, great. He's getting into the spirit of the festivities. Fantastic. He just pulled off a Braut Entfuhrung.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59617
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Oscar
What is that?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59618
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Dwight
A ceremonial bridal kidnapping. He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub and when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks. Ah, all right! Oh Mose.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59619
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Jim
Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59620
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Dwight
Right. Which one is that?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59621
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Jim
Mm, hey driver. Why don't you take us to 3030 Adams?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59622
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Jim
Is that Mose?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59623
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Dwight
Yes, it is! I am here for my bride!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59624
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Mose
Well, first, buy us a drink.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59625
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All
If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59626
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Dwight
Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! Oh.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59627
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Kevin
Well, well, well, well, well, well. That's six 'wells.' Did I get that number right, Dwight?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59628
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Dwight
I heard you bought a bar, Kevin.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59629
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Kevin
Yes. I did. This one. Now get out!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59630
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Dwight
Why did you pick this place?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59631
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Jim
Ooh.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59632
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Dwight
You? You did this as a prank. My own Bestich Mensch.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59633
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Jim
Nope, not a prank. I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59634
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Dwight
Waste of a good hatchet.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59635
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Jim
Okay, just talk.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59636
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Kevin
Well, w'
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59637
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Dwight
I heard you say 'well' the first time.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59638
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Jim
I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow's his wedding day. You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59639
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Dwight
It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59640
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Kevin
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59641
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Dwight
No really. You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene. Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw our your computer.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59642
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Kevin
Is that all it was?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59643
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Dwight
That's it.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59644
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Kevin
Come here
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59645
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Dwight
I missed you Kevin.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59646
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Kevin
I missed you!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59647
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Dwight
Ohh.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59648
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Mose
Guten Prank.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59649
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Jim
Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59650
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Dwight
You've had your drink. Now where is my bride?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59651
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Dwight
Mose! What..ooh, Mose.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59652
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Angela
What the is your problem you?!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59653
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Jim
Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or'
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59654
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Dwight
No. We can't see each other on our wedding day. And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59655
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Jim
Right.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59656
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Stanley
Hey guys.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59657
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All
Stanley!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59658
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Erin
How's Florida?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59659
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Stanley
Oh, great.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59660
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Stanley
Yes, I'm living in Florida now. Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the everglades. The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat which was kinda fun. I sit on my porch all day, carving birds.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59661
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Jim
Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59662
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Pam
No, no, I'm fine.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59663
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Jim
Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59664
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Stanley
I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59665
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Andy
I'm sorry guys. This is probably on me. I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59666
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Kevin
People actually dance to this. It's in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59667
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Kevin
Yeah, people hate you.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59668
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Andy
I'll go talk to the manager. Maybe we should just go home.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59669
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Man
Hey! It's Andy Bernard!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59670
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All
Nard Dog! Ree-De-De-De-Doo!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59671
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Andy
Ree-De-De-De-Doo!
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59672
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Man 1
How did it feel to see your lives played out on tv?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59673
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David Wallace
It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It's kinda disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn't wanna know any of it.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59674
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Dwight
With today's modern surveillance technology we are in a constant state of being watched weather it's our government or the government of other countries a.k.a. Google. You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59675
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Pete
Uh, no one recognizes me. But not all my friends call me Plop. So' thanks PBS.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59676
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Woman 1
Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59677
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Pam
Well, I mean, How do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know. I'm working on something.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59678
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Jim
She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that's fine.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59679
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All
Awww.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59680
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Jim
O-Kay.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59681
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Woman 2
All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that' he could do anything. Anything.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59682
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Pam
I'm sorry. Is there a question?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59683
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Woman 2
Uh, no.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59684
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Man 2
Pam, what was in that teapot letter?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59685
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Pam
Oh, um, well, you know, I' I just' I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself.
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59686
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Man 2
I hear ya. What did it say?
Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59687