Dwight

The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59388

Cameraman

We're getting bonus footage for the DVD.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59389

Dwight

pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59390

Cameraman

It'll be a pledge gift.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59391

Dwight

PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59392

Dwight

In the past year, I have consolidated the entire Scranton paper market. We regained the white pages, the school district, Lackawanna county. We supply them all. I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon, and in the morning, there's a mini-reunion. A kind of a 'where are they now' panel at a local theatre. It'll be nice to see everyone again. I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59393

Dwight

Today marks several important milestones. Stanley, as you know, is retiring.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59394

Kevin

Yes! Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59395

Stanley

Ah, I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59396

Meredith

Speech!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59397

Dwight

No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is'for'Kevin.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59398

Kevin

Yes! Wait, why?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59399

Dwight

Go ahead and just read the frosting.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59400

Kevin

'Get out.'

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59401

Dwight

Uh-huh.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59402

Kevin

What does that mean?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59403

Dwight

It's a colloquial way of saying 'you're fired,' Kevin, which you are.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59404

Pam

What? Dwight, you can't do that.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59405

Dwight

The cake has spoken Pam. Sorry.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59406

All

What?!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59407

Dwight

Well if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59408

All

Dwight'[overlapping objections]

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59409

Dwight

Based'on his merit.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59410

Oscar

Ooh.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59411

Jim

Umm'.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59412

Kevin

I'm'good.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59413

Pam

Well, Toby will stop it. Anytime anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so'

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59414

Toby

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think'

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59415

Dwight

Toby, wait. Wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake. Bye, bye Toby.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59416

Kevin

At least I got chocolate.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59417

Jim

I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59418

Jim

Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59419

Crowd

Whoo! Yeah

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59420

Jim

Can you clap! Can you clap for mom?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59421

Jim

And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59422

Pam

Angela, are you ready for the wedding?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59423

Angela

Yes. My heart is so open, I am so at peace. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting. Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59424

Pam

I think she looks good. Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59425

Dwight

That is all. Have a good morning.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59426

Meredith

Thank you.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59427

Dwight

What was that for?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59428

Angela

To remind you that our wedding's gonna be wonderful.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59429

Dwight

Ah. I know. It just feels so empty with so many of the old gang gone.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59430

Angela

D, it's gonna be perfect. The only people that need to be there are you and me.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59431

Dwight

Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59432

Angela

I don't'I don't know why.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59433

Dwight

I brought in some new faces, and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band 'The Grass Roots' in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59434

Phyllis

Oh, some fudge?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59435

Malcolm

Oh, thanks. I love your fudge.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59436

Phyllis

Thanks.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59437

Malcolm

I think I gained a couple of pounds since I got here.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59438

Phyllis

Oh, you can afford it.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59439

Phyllis

After 16 years, it's strange sitting across from somebody who isn't Stanley. But'he'll get there.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59440

Jim

Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready 'cause I want to pack in a lot.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59441

Zeke

Party time! Whorehouse!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59442

Jim

Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59443

Zeke

Well, you're the bestisch mensch.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59444

Jim

Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight'only good surprises. 'Guten Pranken'.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59445

Dwight

Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59446

Clark

Great, now we got three hours to fill.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59447

Jim

Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59448

Dwight

Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59449

Jim

Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59450

Andy

Yeah, sure, I'll talk about it. Why not? American's next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition. And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord. The clip went viral, as they say

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59451

Casey Dean

You can't just sit here and cry.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59452

Andy

Oh, I can so just sit here and cry!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59453

Andy

Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started. One from the Philippines got 12 million hits. And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59454

Bill Hader

[fake crying]

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59455

Seth Mayers

Oh, Don't. Aw, come on, Baby Wawa. Don't be such a baby.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59456

Bill Hader

[crying and pouring eye drops in his eyes]

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59457

Seth Mayers

Oh, No. It's gonna be alright.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59458

Bill Hader

[pulling multiple tissues out]

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59459

Seth Mayers

It's gonna be all right. For Weekend Update I'm Seth Meyers. That's Baby Wawa. Good night.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59460

Bill Hader

Bye!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59461

Andy

After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. Not really my scene.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59462

Oscar

Years ago, the senator promised a left turn lane by the Arby's. So I wanna know where in the name of horsey sauce is it? Well, yeah, you'hold on.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59463

Dakota

Hi. I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year. It's..it's all over the place. I don't know what it means.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59464

Oscar

That's the reason Kevin got fired. It's his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight, 'A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven.' He was home by 4:45 that day.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59465

Nellie

Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59466

Toby

Hello! Hello!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59467

Nellie

Oh.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59468

Toby

Hi!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59469

Nellie

No.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59470

Toby

Oh.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59471

Nellie

How did you now my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59472

Toby

Oh, no, no. no. My plane just got in. From New York. Are you still with Piotr?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59473

Nellie

No. And I thought I unfriended you.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59474

Toby

Anyone can follow a Twitter feed. Wanna share a cab?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59475

Toby

[alone in cab} After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel. I have six roommates. Heh. Which are better than friends, you know 'cause they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59476

Andy

Hey-OH!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59477

Meredith

Andy?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59478

Oscar

You're back?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59479

Andy

Yeah.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59480

Malcolm

That's Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God!

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59481

Jim

Hey man, good to see you.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59482

Andy

Thank you. Yeah,

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59483

Phyllis

[hugging Andy]. Andy'

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59484

Andy

Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59485

Phyllis

Andy, I've been worried about you. How are you?

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59486

Andy

A little warm.

Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59487

"Finale" Quotes