Every line from The Office season 9, episode 18, in script order. First aired April 4, 2013.
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Darryl
The space dust does it.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57780
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Jim
Space dust.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57781
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Darryl
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57782
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Ryan Howard
I actually brought a- some copies of my script if you guys wanna read it together.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57783
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Jim
Sure, yeah. Hollywood. Alright.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57784
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Darryl
Wow. Yeah, we gonna read it.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57785
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Jim
Ok, great.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57786
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Kevin
Andy, are there documentary groupies?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57787
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Andy
Of course there are!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57788
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Kevin
Of course.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57789
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Toby
A little ironic that I'm going to be kind of a TV star, because my last Chad Flendermen novel was based on a murdered TV star. The small screen-
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57790
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Nellie
Oh, I don't care.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57791
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Oscar
Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57792
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Pam
Oh my god!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57793
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Promo Announcer
[Speaks Danish]
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57794
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Kevin
What was that word they said when they showed me 'Skrald mand'? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57795
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Oscar
Dumpster Man.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57796
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Kevin
Cool. Superhero.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57797
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Angela
What about me? 'Klokken tre pige'
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57798
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Oscar
'Three PM Girl'
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57799
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Angela
What? Why would they...wait a second, wait a second! What was that? Oh! I didn't know they were filming then!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57800
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Oscar
It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57801
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Phyllis
Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57802
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Angela
Oh my god.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57803
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Angela
There was much more secret filming than I expected. But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57804
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Oscar
Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57805
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Meredith
I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? Boob sauce!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57806
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Group
No!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57807
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Oscar
Meredith!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57808
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Angela
Come on!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57809
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Nellie
Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57810
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Oscar
Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57811
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Erin
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57812
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Angela
Oscar.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57813
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Oscar
I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57814
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Oscar
I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57815
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Andy
People, relax! We are killing it online. Have you guys checked the comments? SmokeThatSkinwagon says: 'You guys are killing it!' I mean, we're internet sensations guys!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57816
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Angela
I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57817
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Stanley
Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57818
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Oscar
Ok everyone, turn off your mikes.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57819
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Angela
We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57820
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Erin
I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57821
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Nellie
My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more I thought I'd get more screen time than anyone.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57822
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Pete
Ok, Pam. Why don't you visit your buddy, the crew guy that got fired? Find out what they got.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57823
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Pam
Brian?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57824
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Pete
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57825
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Pam
Yeah, I guess I could.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57826
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Stanley
Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57827
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Phyllis
I thought Terry knew about Cynthia?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57828
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Stanley
She does. But neither of them know about Lydia.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57829
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Group
Oh!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57830
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Meredith
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57831
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Clark
Whoa! Whoa! OK, so what's this lever do?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57832
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Ruger Sister 1
That manipulates the secondary shaft.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57833
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Clark
Oh, the secondary shaft. Eeeh, oooga!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57834
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Salesmen
The lift capacity's up at two thousand pounds. That's a lot of beets.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57835
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Mr. Ruger
Let's talk terms. If you agree to a forty sixty split on this tractor, I'll store it in one of my barns.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57836
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Dwight
Mr. Ruger, are you trying to take advantage of me because I'm interested in your daughter? Fifty fifty split or no deal.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57837
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Mr. Ruger
Esther, get in the truck.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57838
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Dwight
Ok ok ok, wait! You win.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57839
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Salesman
Let's get the paperwork started.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57840
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Ruger Sister 2
We should buy an auger together.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57841
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Clark
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57842
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Ruger Sister 1
You would be a great one to buy an auger with.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57843
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Stanley
Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man, he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57844
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Andy
Oh! Seven new comments. 'The guy at 0:19 is hawt!' 'Hi Bongripper, it's me, Andy. The guy from 0:19, I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. I really enjoyed your comment, going to read some more comments now. Have a great day!''He's not hawt, he's gay.' 'Dear JasonJasonJason, it's me, Andy. Nice name. Not! Guess what? I'm not gay! So you are an IDIOT. And I am hawt, according to people on this site who have a brain. Never comment on this page ever again.' 'He is hawt!' See, thank you, that's more like it. 'He is butt.' God dammit! I'm about to lose my FREAKING MIND! Screw you TexasPoonTappa! Uh!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57845
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Dwight
Security deposit. That's been-
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57846
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Mr. Ruger
Standard.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57847
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Dwight
Right, standard.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57848
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Clark
Hey, can I talk to you for one second?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57849
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Dwight
No.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57850
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Clark
One second.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57851
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Dwight
No.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57852
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Clark
One second.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57853
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Dwight
I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57854
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Clark
Don't do it.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57855
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Dwight
What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Ok, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57856
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Clark
Dude, we're being conned.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57857
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Dwight
Go on.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57858
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Clark
These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57859
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Dwight
No.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57860
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Clark
Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57861
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Dwight
What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57862
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Clark
I don't even know what an auger is!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57863
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Dwight
No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57864
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Mr. Ruger
Hey, you ready to sign?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57865
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Dwight
I just need a moment to consider your offer. Excuse me.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57866
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Brian
Oh, hey!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57867
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Pam
Hey!
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57868
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Brian
Hi.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57869
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Pam
Hi, um. I'm sorry, do you have a minute? Is this a bad time?
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57870
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Brian
No, no, please, yeah, come on in. It's good to see you. Sorry, my place is usually not this-
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57871
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Pam
Oh my gosh, please, don't.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57872
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Brian
Yeah, no, I- actually it's always like this. Do you want to go outside? It's a little less cluttered out there.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57873
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Pam
Sure, yeah. Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57874
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Brian
Let me grab a couple drinks.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57875
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Pam
OK. Oh wow, you have a nice view.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57876
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Brian
Alright, that's for you.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57877
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Pam
Oh, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57878
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Brian
Cheers.
Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57879