Erin

Andy's coming back today! Andy's coming back today! Ha! Andy's coming back today. David Wallace sent him on an outward bound wilderness adventure for a whole month to make him more decisive and confident. He sent his own son too. And the counselors said they both grew up, big time.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52799

Dwight

How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52800

Doctor

Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You are not the father.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52801

Angela

I told you

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52802

Kevin

Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52803

Oscar

That piece doesn't go there.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52804

Kevin

So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already day. Probably when I ran over him the first time.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52805

Pam

For us, um, nothing new, really the kids are great.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52806

Jim

You are really good at modesty. She's a genius. She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room. There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 children'

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52807

Pam

Kay, well, you had that interesting thing.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52808

Jim

Oh, yeah

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52809

Pam

Yes, Jim's friend is starting anew company based on this idea Jim had when they were back in college.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52810

Jim

Its sports marketing basically. But the athletes are partners.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52811

Pam

And he wanted Jim to be a part of it too.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52812

Jim

In Philly, so, that doesn't really work for the family. Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52813

Pam

He said if it takes off he's gonna buy us a new car.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52814

Jim

An Altima or better.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52815

Toby

Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiance Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52816

Kelly

I don't need em anymore. I am going to Miami biotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52817

Toby

Miami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52818

Kelly

Enjoy the snow losers.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52819

Erin

I'm so happy for you Kelly.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52820

Toby

Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52821

Ryan

I've actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. It's a big university town. And, uh, that's not garbage, it's out clothes.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52822

Pam

And that was our summer.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52823

Jim

we good?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52824

Off-camera

Yeah

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52825

Pam

Don't you guys have everything. I mean, its just a paper company.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52826

Off-camera

Well we're more following you guys, to see how you turn out.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52827

Pam

Oh, yeah, because we were kind of dramatic in the beginning. Well I don't think anything's gonna change in our lives now. With work and two kids there's just-nothing interesting is going to happen for us in a long, long time.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52828

Erin

Andy's coming back today!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52829

Clark

Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52830

Stanley

Oh, my god. It's called a garbage can.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52831

Phyllis

Helpless.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52832

Toby

There's two new guys back there with me now. They're in their 20s. And we really get along.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52833

Clark

You're looking good.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52834

Toby

Just three single guys. Getting into trouble.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52835

Stanley

They're like the new Jim and Dwight.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52836

Nellie

Oh, yes, yes I see that! Perfect.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52837

Meredith

Hey, new Jim, come sit on my face.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52838

Pete

No thank you. My name's Pete.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52839

Jim

No, Pete is not the new Jim. The only we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52840

Erin

Andy's here! Old Dwight, new Dwight, Andy's here. New Jim, Tuna, Andy's here. Pam, he's here.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52841

Andy

Hey! Wow, I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it'll change you. The things we think we need. Clocks, yeah right!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52842

Nellie

It sounds amazing, tell us all about it.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52843

Andy

What're you still doing here?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52844

Nellie

Wonderful, thanks.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52845

Andy

You know I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52846

Nellie

Brilliant.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52847

Andy

See me in my office later. The new guys, alright. It's Clark and, um'

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52848

Pete

Pete!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52849

Andy

In Outward Bound it was all about nicknames. They called me Iceman. You will be called Plop.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52850

Pete

What? Why?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52851

Andy

Cause you're always taking dumps.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52852

Pete

No I'm not.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52853

Andy

Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop. And you will be called Fart cause you fart all the time.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52854

Clark

I love it.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52855

Darryl

Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight, Jr.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52856

Clark

No, I prefer Fart.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52857

Andy

No, Dwight Jr. Infinitely better. You guys look exactly alike. Dwight go stand next to him. This is insane.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52858

Dwight

I don't see it.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52859

Clark

I don't either.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52860

Andy

Whoa! Mind blown. It's like father and son! Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52861

Dwight

Yes, yes I am.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52862

Andy

Dwight, Jr!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52863

Dwight

In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52864

Angela

Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52865

Kevin

The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52866

Kevin

Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52867

Angela

No, the one with the long hair and the denim pants, Comstock! Ok, look. He's such a special kitty. I just want to find him a good home. He loves those pants

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52868

Kevin

I'll take him.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52869

Angela

Please, after the turtle?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52870

Kevin

I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52871

Angela

Oscar, Oscar, will you take him?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52872

Oscar

No, I'm a dog person.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52873

Angela

If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52874

Oscar

Those guys always change back, Angela.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52875

Andy

David, outward bound was incredible. I was the best at slack lining, I ate a worm.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52876

David

Glad to hear it. You sound very confident and decisive.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52877

Toby

Hey you wanted to see me?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52878

Andy

Yeah, I gotta go David. Why is Nellie still here?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52879

Toby

You can only fire Nellie for cause.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52880

Andy

Mm, then I will make up a cause.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52881

Toby

Except you just told me you were gonna make it up. Now if she sues, I have to testify against you.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52882

Andy

Then forget I just told you that.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52883

Toby

Can't. I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy. I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brook. She had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52884

Andy

Now I know why Michael hated you so much.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52885

Dwight

Good boy, getting big and strong. Snack foods!

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52886

Clark

Yep, body by Cheez-it

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52887

Dwight

Ah, humor. I have it too. I have a couple tickets to the slayer concert 10 months from now. You interested?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52888

Clark

I think I'm busy that night. Or I would.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52889

Dwight

Well, we're both just kinda learning as we go, aren't we?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52890

Clark

Learning what?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52891

Dwight

Just how this going to be, you know? You have a beautiful round head.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52892

Clark

Kay.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52893

Dwight

So what kind of farming you into, huh? You more of a fruit man or a root man?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52894

Clark

Is this'is this like code for gay stuff? Cause if so, that's totally fine. Like, I'm fine with it. But you should know that I'm into the ladies.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52895

Dwight

Spoken like a true root man.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52896

Clark

You know, if you're ever swamped, I could make some sales calls for you.

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52897

Dwight

My calls?

Season 9 · Episode 1 · Line 52898

"The New Guys" Quotes