Every line from The Office season 7, episode 11, in script order. First aired December 9, 2010.
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Andy
I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41627
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Darryl
Jada don't want to spend Christmas with me. She told her mom it wasn't as much fun. And how could she say that? You know, I took her to the toy store to buy her own presents.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41628
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Pam
Well Darryl, no kid wants to buy their own Christmas presents.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41629
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Darryl
Her mom wants me to take her to mass. I guess that's something to do.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41630
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Pam
No, you should have her mom do the boring Christmas stuff on her time. You should be associated with the fun parts of Christmas.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41631
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Darryl
How do I do that?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41632
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Pam
Bring her to the party. Yeah, we'll have Santa, and we'll play games with her. It'll be a lot of fun.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41633
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Andy
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41634
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Pam
You'll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41635
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Pam
Hey guys, the tree's here.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41636
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Michael
Hey.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41637
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Andy
Nobody hug me, I'm covered in tree sap, so...
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41638
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Oscar
Why would someone hug you?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41639
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Michael
Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41640
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Darryl
Are you serious?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41641
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Michael
It's a sophisticated take.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41642
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Jada
He doesn't look like Santa Claus.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41643
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Darryl
No, he doesn't. I told her Santa would be here.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41644
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Michael
Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41645
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Pam
Who told you that?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41646
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Michael
Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41647
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Phyllis
So is it an open relationship?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41648
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Holly
Oh, God, no.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41649
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Kelly
Well, you're almost 40. Oh, do you not want kids?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41650
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Holly
Oh, I want kids. I really want kids. But AJ and I are practically engaged. We talk about spending our lives together.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41651
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Kelly
So where's the ring?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41652
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Pam
Kelly! Um, how are you adjusting to the move?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41653
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Phyllis
Nobody cares about that. Look, you have to make him commit, or kick his butt to the curb.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41654
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Pam
You guys, I don't think any of us are really qualified to be giving Holly personal advice about her love life.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41655
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Erin
Yeah, I mean, maybe Holly's not in any position to be shooing guys away.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41656
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Erin
I don't get it! I'm sorry. I just, I don't get it!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41657
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Holly
Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41658
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Pam
Wow, an ultimatum.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41659
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41660
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Pam
It doesn't really seem like you.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41661
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Kelly
That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41662
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Dwight
[turns in Pam's chair with a Pam wig on and laughs maniacally]
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41663
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Jim
Don't. Stop, Dwight! Dwight, stop! Dwight, stop!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41664
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Dwight
Oh, no. Oh, no!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41665
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Jim
Stop!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41666
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Dwight
Oh, no. Yes, taste my wrath!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41667
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Jim
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41668
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Dwight
Huh? You like that?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41669
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Jim
Seriously!
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41670
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Dwight
Huh?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41671
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Jim
Okay. Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41672
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Dwight
Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41673
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Jim
I just want it to stop.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41674
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Pam
So, cool right?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41675
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Ryan
There's no connection between the origin story and the quest.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41676
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Pam
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41677
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Ryan
We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41678
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Pam
Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41679
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Ryan
Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41680
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Pam
I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or...
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41681
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Ryan
Well, it sounds like you know what you want. It's also a little derivative of a serias called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41682
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Pam
No.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41683
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Ryan
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41684
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Toby
Oh, Jim. Hey.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41685
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Jim
Hey, Toby.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41686
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Toby
There's this female uh, uh, stenographer at the courthouse...
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41687
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Jim
No way.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41688
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Toby
Who looks exactly like you.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41689
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Jim
That's increadible.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41690
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Toby
Yeah. No, it's uncanny.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41691
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Jim
You know what's crazy?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41692
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Toby
What?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41693
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Jim
I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second. Excuse me.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41694
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Michael
I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't. And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41695
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Angela
It's so cold. Even with my coat on.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41696
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Meredith
Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car... for screwing Americans.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41697
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Gabe
Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41698
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Holly
You guys, this has to stop. Someone could have really gotten hurt.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41699
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Michael
What if Meredith was taking her smoking break below that window? You know what would have happened? The shards of glass would have shaved her face right off. And, yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41700
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Dwight
I could not agree more. And just want to state for the record that I am intending to sue Jim for acute psychological distress.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41701
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Jim
What are you talking about? You're the one terrorizing me.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41702
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Dwight
With snowballs, Jim? With fluffy little snowballs? No. I thought we were just playing.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41703
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Holly
Dwight's right. What you did was dangerous and inappropriate. I'm really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41704
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Michael
All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41705
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Dwight
Wait, what girlfriend?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41706
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Michael
I haven't told you about her.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41707
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Dwight
I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41708
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Michael
I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around Slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, 'Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab.'
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41709
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Holly
I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41710
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Michael
I do. She is.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41711
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Michael
Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41712
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Phyllis
So you went homemade this year.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41713
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Pam
Yup.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41714
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Phyllis
Yeah. Money problems, is that what this is about? I mean, oh, dear, I don't think we can help you out.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41715
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Pam
No, no. Jim had a great year, actually. I just wanted to get your opinion.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41716
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Phyllis
Are you good at homemade?
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41717
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Pam
Look at this.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41718
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Phyllis
Yeah...
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41719
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Holly
Who did this? It's obvious to me I'm not welcome here, but somebody better tell me who did this, or else I'm leaving.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41720
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Phyllis
Well, I don't think Erin seems to like you.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41721
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Erin
That's not true. I don't know her enough to make a decision even.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41722
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Michael
What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41723
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Toby
No, I would never ever do anything like that. But it does seem like something you would do.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41724
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Michael
Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41725
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Kevin
Wait, wait, guys, listen. Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think... it's not possible... that Woody did this to himself.
Season 7 · Episode 11 · Line 41726