Every line from The Office season 5, episode 10, in script order. First aired December 11, 2008.
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Dwight
What is this?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25868
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Jim
Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25869
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Dwight
You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25870
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Jim
Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25871
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Dwight
Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid. Well, I hope it was worth it, cause I'm gonna take it apart in about five minutes.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25872
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Jim
I think it'll take you a little longer than that.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25873
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Dwight
Really? If I can skin a mule deer in less than ten minutes, I ought to be able to cut my --
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25874
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Stanley
Eh...
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25875
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Phyllis
I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25876
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Stanley
I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25877
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Phyllis
This is the first Christmas party I am throwing as head of the party planning committee. The theme is 'Nights in Morocco'. This isn't your grandmothers Christmas party. Unless of course she's from Morocco, in which case it's very accurate.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25878
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Michael
Hey, Phyllis, do I need this invite to get in to the party?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25879
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Phyllis
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25880
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Michael
Awesome. I think this is going to be the best Christmas party ever.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25881
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Phyllis
Angela. You're going to move this for the party right? It's not on theme.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25882
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Angela
It's the nativity scene.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25883
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Phyllis
Alright. You can keep your camel, sheep, elephant and the north African king can stay. Everything else goes in the drawer.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25884
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Angela
I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25885
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Phyllis
I need you to get rid of the tree.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25886
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Angela
But--
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25887
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Phyllis
Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25888
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Phyllis
Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be black mail, it would have to be a formal letter.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25889
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Jim
Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25890
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Dwight
These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25891
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Dwight
Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year it's a doll. Half girl, half unicorn. Catchphrase: 'My horn can pierce the sky'. Pathetic. I bought out every store in the area over the last couple of weeks. And as lazy parents become desperate I will sell them for an enormous profit. Isn't that right princess?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25892
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Jim
That's the Christmas spirit.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25893
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Dwight
I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25894
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Jim
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25895
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Michael
Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25896
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Dwight
They are now.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25897
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Michael
Cool. My horn can pierce the sky.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25898
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Michael
This is equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda. Call it a one of everything.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25899
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Meredith
Oh... my... GOD!!! Hit me again.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25900
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Michael
Alright... One more time around the block.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25901
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Jim
I will grant you one wish.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25902
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Pam
I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25903
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Jim
Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. Dumb.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25904
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Andy
Hey, hey... Ange... check it out. There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25905
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Angela
Really Andy? It's Christmas and your singing about nudity and France.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25906
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Andy
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25907
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Michael
Jim, Jim....
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25908
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Jim
What is it?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25909
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Michael
That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25910
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Jim
Wow, that is delicious.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25911
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25912
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Jim
Can't believe no ones thought of that.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25913
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Michael
I know.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25914
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Meredith
Ahh yeah!!
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25915
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Meredith
Belly dancing!
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25916
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Guy buying doll
120, 180... 200.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25917
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Dwight
All right.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25918
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Guy
Thank you so much. My daughter is going to love this.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25919
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Dwight
Oh, so glad I could help.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25920
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Guy
Thanks.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25921
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Dwight
Merry Christmas.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25922
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Guy
You too.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25923
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Dwight
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-ka-ching.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25924
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Michael
Oh, so this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25925
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Jim
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25926
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Dwight
We got a live one! On fire!!
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25927
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Meredith
I'm all right. I'm all right.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25928
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Andy
Sorry.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25929
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Oscar
We're back on the 5th, should we just do it then?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25930
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Michael
Can not do it then. Monthly dental appointment, soft teeth
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25931
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Oscar
What about February 2nd?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25932
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Jim
Ah... would you want to do it on Groundhogs day?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25933
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Michael
No, no. I celebrate privately.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25934
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Jim
That's cool.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25935
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Michael
Why don't we just do it now? We'll do it quickly.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25936
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Oscar
Now? It's our Christmas party.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25937
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Michael
We'll do it quickly.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25938
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Jim
Well what if we can't do it quickly.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25939
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Michael
What if we can't do it quickly? What if we cant do it--
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25940
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Oscar
Do you know how to do an intervention?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25941
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Michael
Hey, shut up. Here we go. Everybody gather up.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25942
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Michael
An intervention. It's sort of hard to describe, but really its-- it's a coming together... it's a surprise party for people who are-- who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25943
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Phyllis
It looks like we're going to be here for awhile, so why don't you make a little plate of hummus for everyone. Little triangles of pita, toasted on both sides, fanned so you can easily can grab them.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25944
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Angela
I don't--
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25945
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Phyllis
And napkins... fanned.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25946
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Michael
Okay, how do you feel?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25947
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Meredith
A little better. I threw up.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25948
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Michael
Uck... T.M.I.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25949
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Kevin
Fire girl. Too soon?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25950
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25951
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Michael
Okay, you know what I thought we should do is have a quick intervention and then get back to the party.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25952
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Toby
Michael, we are only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We can not ask her to stop drinking.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25953
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Michael
I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25954
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Meredith
I'm not an alcoholic.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25955
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Michael
Yeah, obviously you are. Okay, everybody who thinks that Meredith is an alcoholic please raise your hand.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25956
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Dwight
Aye.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25957
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Michael
The aye's have it.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25958
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Meredith
I don't care what everyone thinks. I know I am not an alcoholic.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25959
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Michael
Alright, well, let's look at this a little bit closer then shall we?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25960
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Andy
When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25961
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Michael
Meredith, have you ever used alcohol to alter your mood or deliberately change your state of mind?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25962
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Meredith
Sure.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25963
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Michael
Do you sometimes have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or mark a holiday?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25964
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Meredith
Obviously.
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25965
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Michael
Have you ever under the influence of alcohol questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25966
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Oscar
Where did you get this?
Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25967