Every line from The Office season 3, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 28, 2006.
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Michael
What's up?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9862
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Josh
Well, Jim and I have a meeting with Uni-ball in about forty-five minutes, so we should probably go now.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9863
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Michael
Hey, check this out. How about that? A little friendly competition. Stamford versus Scranton.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9864
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Josh
I don't think so.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9865
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Michael
Oh, Jim. Looks like you picked a bad time to defect, my friend.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9866
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Josh
Fine! All right.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9867
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Michael
Okay! Excellent. Oh...
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9868
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Dwight
Keep the wing flaps.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9869
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Michael
Shut it. Hey, Pam, what's up? Yep, yech... no. Tell him I will give him general specifics tomorrow, okay? Yes. Say hi to Pam!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9870
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Jim, Josh, and Dwight
Hi, Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9871
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Michael
Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. Pam says hi. Have fun on your date! Very good, talk to you later. Bye.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9872
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Michael
You first.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9873
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Dwight
Come on. Nice try, Josh!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9874
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Michael
Not. It hit the rim. Okay, and... okay. Double or nothing.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9875
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Josh
Or what? We didn't bet anything, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9876
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Michael
Well, let's...
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9877
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Josh
Yeah, we should go.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9878
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Michael
Come on!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9879
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Josh
We gotta go.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9880
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Michael
Come on!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9881
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Josh
Uh... we'll do it later.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9882
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Evan
Say, while I have you here, could I talk to you about some new and exciting advances to our product line?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9883
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Michael
Fine.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9884
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Michael
Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well, phooey on that. I, uh, I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9885
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Evan
That is so true. Ready?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9886
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Michael
Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9887
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Evan
Great.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9888
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Michael
Sorry, my meeting ran late.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9889
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Jan
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9890
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Michael
Yes, Jan, really. With a rep from HammerMill.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9891
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Josh
They're exclusive with Staples.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9892
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Michael
Used to be. Evan will call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell HammerMill products.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9893
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Dwight
Yes! Ha!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9894
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Jan
Well, Michael, I underestimated you.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9895
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Michael
Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9896
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Jim
Dwight's room key. And... Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9897
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Angela
D?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9898
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Jim
Oh my God. Dwight got a hooker! Oh my God, I gotta call... well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9899
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Kelly
So, Alan, Pam is obsessed with your cartoons. She reads them every day.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9900
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Alan
Oh, great.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9901
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Ryan
I don't want ketchup.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9902
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Kelly
You love ketchup! He loves ketchup.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9903
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Pam
So how do you come up with your cartoons?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9904
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Alan
Well, I just, uh... I kinda think about stuff that I see, or dream them.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9905
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Pam
You dream in cartoons? How fun!
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9906
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Michael
Hey, first guest! You are going to have some tequila, my friend.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9907
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Guy
I thought there was a party in here.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9908
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Michael
This is the party.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9909
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Guy
This is room 308?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9910
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Michael
Party central! So, what can I do you for? All right.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9911
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Alan
See, this one is great, because it can work on a couple of different levels.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9912
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Pam
Huh.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9913
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Alan
Freedom fries for the table.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9914
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Pam
Freedom fries. Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9915
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Alan
Yeah. I mean, people always say, like, 'Don't be edgy.' But I don't know any other way. Yeah, you get it.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9916
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Pam
Well, it was, uh, it was really nice meeting you, Alan.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9917
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Alan
Yeah. Next time bring some of your illustrations, I'll let you pick my brain.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9918
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Pam
More freedom fries.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9919
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Alan
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9920
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Pam
That's great.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9921
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Alan
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9922
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Pam
I went on a date. It wasn't a love connection, um... I think when I like someone again, I'll just kinda know.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9923
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Jim
Michael. Am I the first to arrive?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9924
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Michael
People have been filtering in and out.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9925
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Jim
Can I get a drink?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9926
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Michael
What?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9927
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Jim
Can I get a drink?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9928
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Michael
Sure. You like Cosmos?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9929
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9930
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Michael
Sure, sounds good. So why are you here? Is Josh busy?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9931
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Jim
Michael...
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9932
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Michael
I get it! No, no, I totally get it. He made a better paper airplane, Stamford is better in sales... I get it. We had some fun. We had some laughs. And that's just...
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9933
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Jim
Wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9934
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Michael
I'm not better than Josh.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9935
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Jim
Michael, it's not about... I transferred because of Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9936
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Michael
Oh my God. You don't even know. She's single now.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9937
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Jim
No, I just... I heard something about that. It's just, I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9938
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Michael
I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Hey, you know what? I will talk to her.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9939
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Jim
Nope, that's okay.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9940
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9941
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Jim
That's all right.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9942
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Michael
I will. I'll talk to her. You should at least talk to Roy. I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9943
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Jim
Yeah. Okay, maybe.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9944
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Evan
Are we early?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9945
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Michael
Hey! No, you know, people have been filtering in and out.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9946
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Jim
Hey.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9947
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Michael
Evan, this is Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9948
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Jim
How are you?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9949
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Evan
Hey, uh... Arnie Reisman. Michael, Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9950
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Michael
Hey, Ernie, how ya doing?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9951
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Evan
Do you guys work together?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9952
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Jim
No, we used to. Now we're friends.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9953
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Michael
Best friends.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9954
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Michael
Some people need dozens of friends to say, 'Hey, look at me, I'm popular.' But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know. Because a real relationship, it... it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9955
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Michael
Now, would you do the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? Ha, ha, ha.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9956
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Dwight
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9957
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Michael
Whoa. What are those stains?
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9958
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Dwight
Blood, urine, or semen.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9959
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Michael
Oh, God, I hope it's urine.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9960
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Michael
Today I'm headed to Philadelphia for the annual Northeastern Office Supply Convention. Wooo-yaaaaah! Oh, these things tend to be kind of crazy.
Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9961