Every line from The Office season 3, episode 21, in script order. First aired May 3, 2007.
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Dwight
Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15840
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Michael
You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15841
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Michael
I, um... would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15842
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Creed
Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15843
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Michael
Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15844
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Meredith
I don't remember doing that.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15845
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Angela
What a surprise.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15846
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Michael
OK, no catfights. Please. Let's - my point is... my point is... a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15847
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Dwight
Alien
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15848
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Michael
What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15849
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Andy
If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15850
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Kevin
Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15851
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Karen
What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15852
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Michael
Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15853
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Karen
I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15854
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Michael
No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15855
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Karen
That - it's the same thing.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15856
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Phyllis
Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15857
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Michael
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15858
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Phyllis
When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15859
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Michael
Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15860
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Angela
And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15861
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Michael
I have to know whether you're serious or not.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15862
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Dwight
I wish I could menstruate.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15863
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Dwight
If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15864
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Karen
Can we just get back to work?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15865
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Michael
Ye - OK, yes.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15866
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Angela
This is not work talk.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15867
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Michael
You're right. You're right, you're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? The Steamtown Mall.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15868
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Karen
Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So... I could do that.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15869
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Angela
Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15870
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Michael
OK, let's go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. Let's go!
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15871
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Dwight
Have you finished with the sketch?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15872
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15873
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Dwight
Hmm, doesn't seem like the type.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15874
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Pam
Uh, Phyllis got a good look.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15875
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Dwight
Hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15876
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Dwight
I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15877
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Pam
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15878
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Angela
Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15879
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Meredith
Thanks. I know how to drive.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15880
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Pam
Oh, yeah. You really shouldn't litter.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15881
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Meredith
My car, my rules.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15882
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Kevin
Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women's bathroom?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15883
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Jim
No. Thank you, though.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15884
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Kevin
You aren't curious?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15885
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Jim
Not really. I've seen a bathroom before.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15886
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Kevin
Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15887
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Jim
I think you mean a girl's
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15888
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Kevin
Yeah. I'm going in.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15889
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Jim
Go crazy.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15890
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Kevin
Oh... my... God.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15891
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Andy
I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15892
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Dwight
Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15893
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Andy
This guy looks like a real deviant.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15894
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Dwight
No, duh. That's why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15895
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Andy
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15896
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Dwight
More like, 'Aye, aye, General.'
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15897
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Michael
I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it -
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15898
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Meredith
It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15899
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Michael
Many women
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15900
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Dwight
This is what we
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15901
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Jim
Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15902
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Kevin
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15903
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Toby
Hey, uh... where'd you decide to take Karen tonight?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15904
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Jim
Anna Maria's.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15905
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Ryan
What's the occasion?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15906
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Jim
Six-month anniversary. What?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15907
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Ryan
Nothing - I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15908
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Jim
No, we've been dating for six months.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15909
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Ryan
Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um -
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15910
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Jim
Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15911
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Ryan
I figured. It's cool. I don't - I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15912
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Michael
All right. Hope nobody's on a diet.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15913
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Kelly
Thanks, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15914
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Angela
Thank you, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15915
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Michael
You're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome. OK. So, let's dish.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15916
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Pam
What do you want to dish about?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15917
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Michael
Anything you guys want. This is your time. Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it 'shmear?' Like the cream cheese.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15918
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Pam
OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15919
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Kelly
Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15920
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Michael
What, um... what do you think of role-play?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15921
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Phyllis
Oh, it can be fun.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15922
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Michael
Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15923
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Karen
It's a pretty common one.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15924
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Michael
I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15925
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Angela
OK. I'm gonna be at the doll store.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15926
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Angela
Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15927
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Pam
Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15928
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Michael
Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15929
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Pam
Oh, my God.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15930
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Michael
And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15931
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Karen
That is not healthy behavior.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15932
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Michael
No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15933
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Pam
Michael, you need to get out of this.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15934
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Michael
No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15935
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Pam
No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15936
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Michael
No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15937
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Pam
Read the pros first.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15938
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Michael
OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15939