Every line from The Office season 3, episode 21, in script order. First aired May 3, 2007.
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Phyllis
She does have very nice clothes.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15940
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Karen
OK, OK. Um, cons.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15941
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Michael
Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15942
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Pam
What was the last one?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15943
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Michael
She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15944
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Phyllis
No, the one before that.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15945
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Michael
I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15946
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Pam
Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15947
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Michael
I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15948
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Karen
Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15949
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Michael
Yeah, that's smart.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15950
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Pam
Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15951
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Michael
That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15952
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Phyllis
I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15953
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Michael
I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15954
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Phyllis
My mom taught me that.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15955
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Michael
Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15956
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Pam
No one said it has no calories.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15957
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Michael
Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. Come on. Get in here.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15958
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Michael
Let's face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15959
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Kevin
This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15960
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Toby
I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15961
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Creed
What are you doing in here? This is the women's room.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15962
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Kevin
You're in here.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15963
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Creed
I pay for that privilege.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15964
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Kevin
OK.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15965
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Creed
I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15966
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Michael
Mm. You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties or... pick a thong or... G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any - it just - you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15967
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Karen
Phyllis. What do you think? Too much?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15968
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Phyllis
Jim's gonna love it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15969
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Pam
I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15970
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Angela
Slower. Slower. Meredith. Slow it up.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15971
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Michael
Oh. Oh, no. It's Jan. What do I do?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15972
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Karen
Answer it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15973
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Pam
Don't answer it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15974
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Michael
OK, it stopped.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15975
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Kelly
Whoa.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15976
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Meredith
Crap.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15977
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Jim
That is pretty cool.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15978
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Kelly
Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15979
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Michael
Uh, yeah. Yep. Um... Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will...
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15980
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Pam
Here, uh... Meredith? Why don't you put your hazards on.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15981
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Michael
Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let's see. There we go! Good. Yes, we have the... all right.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15982
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Pam
I think I've got it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15983
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Michael
Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15984
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Pam
I don't think we really need that, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15985
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Michael
Uh... you know what? I'm going to... you take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic... detail.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15986
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Pam
You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy. Coming!
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15987
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Andy
Think we'll find him?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15988
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Dwight
Yeah, I do. 'Cause justice never rests.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15989
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Andy
Halvsies?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15990
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Dwight
No. Wholesies.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15991
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Andy
Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15992
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Dwight
Natch.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15993
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Andy
Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15994
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Dwight
You know, I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15995
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Michael
OK, I am really going to do this.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15996
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Pam
Good luck, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15997
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Michael
You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let's do this. Let's do it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15998
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Karen
OK, remember, be strong.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15999
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Michael
I love you guys. Now I'm getting her voicemail.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16000
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Pam
Don't leave a -
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16001
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Michael
Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16002
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Jan
Michael... I was, um... I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... I just - I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So... I'm sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16003
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16004
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Jan
So... we're good?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16005
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Michael
Abso-fruit-ly.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16006
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Jan
Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16007
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Michael
No... No...
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16008
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Jan
One second. Oh! It's from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16009
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16010
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Jan
OK. 'It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want...'
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16011
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Michael
Maybe some Italian. '... to remain friends. Or at least business associates -' Chinese? 'who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy.'
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16012
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Jan
Oh.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16013
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Michael
Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. 'Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?' You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16014
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Dwight
Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16015
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Jim
Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16016
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Dwight
Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16017
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Jim
No, you're not. I'm looking right at you.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16018
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Dwight
Ugh. I'm hanging up.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16019
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Jim
Don't. I have information about the sex predator.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16020
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Dwight
You have information about the sex predator?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16021
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Jim
I saw him two minutes ago.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16022
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Dwight
Where?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16023
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Jim
In the women's bathroom, above the sink.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16024
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Dwight
Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. PAM!
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16025
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Jan
So how are you liking the Wall Street Journal subscription?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16026
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Michael
Love it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16027
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Jan
Are you reading it everyday, like we decided you would?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16028
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Michael
Uh, yes, I am.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16029
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Jan
Good, good, it's the best business reporting isn't it?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16030
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Michael
Uh, yeah, it's okay. Its just, I don't think the cartoons are very funny.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16031
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Jan
Wait, wait, what cartoons?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16032
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Michael
The a cartoon that goes with each article. This one says Mel Karmazin? I don't, I don't know. I guess I get it.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16033
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Jan
[Sigh]
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16034
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Michael
We should really start recycling.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16035
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Jan
Right uh, Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16036
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Kelly
Hey, what's going on?
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16037
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Stanley
Phyllis got flashed in the parking lot.
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16038
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Kelly
[Screams]
Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 16039