Every line from The Office season 3, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 26, 2007.
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Michael
I know.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15542
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Dwight
They would flank you. Throw in a concussion grenade.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15543
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Michael
I understand that, Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15544
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Dwight
You would be on the ground, blind, deaf, dumb.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15545
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Michael
Do you think you're taking it a little... literally, Dwight? And now we're wasting tape. I'm gonna have to cut this all out. Can you say cut?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15546
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Dwight
Cut.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15547
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Michael
So I'll know where---
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15548
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Pam
Cut.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15549
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Michael
I'm asking Pam to do it, please.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15550
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Pam
Cut.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15551
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Michael
OK, ready?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15552
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Angela
Kevin, what's four plus seven?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15553
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Kevin
Eleven.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15554
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Angela
Yeah, well you didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15555
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Kevin
Yeah, well at least I didn't suck at customer relations. Oooh, yes. Facial.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15556
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Oscar
Yes.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15557
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Angela
You two are apes.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15558
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Oscar
I expect you to apologize for that, Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15559
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Angela
I'm sorry... that you're both morons.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15560
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Kevin
Oh, but you still said 'I'm sorry.'
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15561
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Angela
I called you morons.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15562
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Kevin
Still said it.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15563
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Oscar
Still said it, so...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15564
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Michael
Five, four, three. 'There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day.'
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15565
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Pam
One day for what?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15566
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Michael
That's... they always give an ultimatum.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15567
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Pam
OK.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15568
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Michael
Good, cut?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15569
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Pam
Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15570
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Michael
Thought so too.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15571
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Creed
Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15572
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Creed
I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15573
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Jim
You want music?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15574
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Andy
I don't care.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15575
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Jim
Come on man, just give it a couple days. I think you'll be all right.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15576
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15577
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Jim
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15578
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Andy
You know what--- I don't---
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15579
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Jim
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15580
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Andy
Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15581
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Jim
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15582
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Andy
Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15583
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Jim
A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15584
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Andy
Sweet.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15585
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Dwight
Pam.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15586
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Pam
Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15587
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Dwight
Pssssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15588
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Karen
Hey, Dwight, lookin' sharp.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15589
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Dwight
Yeah, that's cause I'm... you're boyfriend, Jim Halpert. Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15590
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Jim
Do you?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15591
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Karen
No.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15592
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Jim
OK.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15593
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Karen
I'm good. Thanks.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15594
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Jim
Look at that.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15595
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Dwight
I'm Jim Halpert.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15596
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Jim
Spot on.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15597
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Dwight
Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15598
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Kelly
Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. And rest assured your voice has been heard. Okay, I'll be thinking about you all day. Customer service, this is Kelly. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. And rest assured your voice has been heard. Okay, I'll be thinking about you all day.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15599
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Ryan
Customer service, this is Kelly. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. I'll be thinking about you all day. Customer service, this is Kelly. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. I'll be thinking about you all day. Customer service, this is Kelly. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. I'll be thinking about you all day.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15600
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Michael
The key to a crisis is dealing with it right away. Like that aspirin company that sent out the poisoned aspirin in the regular aspirin bottles. If you don't act fast, you will lose customers.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15601
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Dwight
Hello, CNN? I need to speak to your Scranton-area bureau chief? All right, then the bureau chief for the Greater Wilkes-Barre area? How about, ah, Lackawanna County. Okay, Northeastern Pennsylvania then. This is extremely urgent! No... you put
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15602
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Kelly
Customer service isn't like accounting. It's not just typing numbers into a calculator and then it tells you an answer.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15603
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Oscar
We do a lot more than that.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15604
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Kelly
Okay, or hand out checks, or whatever it is you do. Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you think that people don't like you. But guess what, from now on you guys are not losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15605
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Oscar
I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer phone calls.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15606
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Kelly
The annex rocks. All you need to do is make sure that you make a connection with the customer. They just wanna know that you're sorry. Do that and you'll be fine. Make sense?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15607
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Angela
Mm-hm.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15608
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Kelly
Okay, role-playing time!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15609
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Angela
Alright, I think I'm trained.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15610
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Kevin
Ooh, can I be a pirate?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15611
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Creed
[hums]
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15612
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Chad Lite
Hello.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15613
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Creed
Hey!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15614
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Chad Lite
Excuse me. You're Creed Bratton, guitar player for Grass Roots in the late 1960s.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15615
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Creed
I am indeed. How'd you know that?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15616
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Chad Lite
I wrote your obituary.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15617
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Creed
Oh, oh that's right! Good work. Thank you very much, sir.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15618
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Creed
About 10 years ago, for tax reasons, I faked my own death. I've been collecting benefits as my own widow ever since.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15619
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Andy
Oh, my God!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15620
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Jim
Oh, my God! Wow.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15621
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Andy
I had no idea.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15622
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Jim
Then you did nothing wrong. We should go.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15623
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Andy
How could I not have realized?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15624
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Jim
She looks older.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15625
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Andy
Yeah, she does, doesn't she?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15626
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Jim
No.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15627
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Andy
She acts older, too. She knows everything about European history, and photosynthesis, and she made me this lanyard with, like, a Fimo clay thing. She's a real Renaissance woman.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15628
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Jim
Or a high school girl. Let's go.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15629
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Andy
Chicken pot pie.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15630
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Jim
What's that?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15631
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Andy
That's what I was eating, in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven for dinner. And I got out of the car to shake the crumbs off my shirt, and this smoking hot woman comes up and we strike up a conversation.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15632
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Jim
Oh. You don't have to tell me this.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15633
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Andy
She lets me buy her and her friends some wine coolers for a dinner party she's going to.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15634
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Jim
You shouldn't be talking about that.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15635
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Andy
I threw in some scratch tickets, 'cause generous guy, and next thing you know we're making out in the woods.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15636
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Jim
Hypothetically. Hypothetically you were making out in the woods.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15637
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Andy
No, we were really making out in the woods.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15638
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Jim
No, can't help you now.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15639
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Andy
I gotta go talk to her.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15640
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Jim
No. D-
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15641