Every line from The Office season 3, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 26, 2007.
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Michael
With dissatisfied clients, it doesn't matter what you did. All they wanna hear is that you're sorry. They're like women that way. And this client is a woman. So when I say I'm sorry, it will be twice as effective.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15642
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Michael
So we're good?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15643
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Barbara Allen
No, we're not.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15644
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Michael
I'm sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15645
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Barbara Allen
Well, okay. But I don't accept.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15646
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Dwight
Say you're sorry times infinity...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15647
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15648
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Dwight
...'cause there's no comeback for that.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15649
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Michael
All right. We are infinitely sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15650
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Barbara Allen
I'm still furious.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15651
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Michael
You understand? You... you get this check.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15652
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Barbara Allen
Mmm.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15653
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Spanish Teacher
Can I help you?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15654
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Andy
Yeah. I'm Mr. Bernard Johnson, MD. I'd like to talk with Jamie about a certain heart condition. Diagnosis: broken.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15655
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Jamie
Get out of here, Andy.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15656
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Andy
Who's this guy?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15657
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Jamie
My boyfriend.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15658
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Andy
You're such a liar.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15659
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Spanish Teacher
Sir? You need to get out of here, before I call the police, okay?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15660
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Andy
Yeah, maybe you should call the police. See whose side they take. Warning, most cops are dudes.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15661
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Jim
Dr. Johnson, we need you in surgery right away.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15662
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Spanish Teacher
What?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15663
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Dwight
I don't believe in apologies. When someone in the yakuza makes a mistake, they cut off a portion of their own pinky finger. And in that way, save face. And knowing the Japanese, they probably get an even better prosthetic finger. With a knife you can take out of it, or a screwdriver or a corkscrew.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15664
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Angela
Why am I getting all of the bad ones?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15665
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Kelly
Why can't you just say you're sorry and make them feel better?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15666
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Angela
I'm not gonna lie and say I'm sorry when the company didn't do anything wrong. That's immoral, and this is ridiculous.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15667
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Oscar
Would you, please? Please.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15668
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Kelly
Well, you have to do what I say, okay? Because Michael put me in charge, even though you're old enough to be my mother.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15669
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Angela
What? Well what you say is stupid, and your job is pointless. And you're a slut and everyone thinks so.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15670
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Kelly
Well, you're fired, okay? Go back to accounting, Angela.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15671
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Angela
Gladly. I quit.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15672
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Kevin
If cartoon characters didn't have sex, then how would we get new cartoon characters? From the sex!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15673
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Michael
The customer is always right. Mrs. Allen was our customer. She was wrong. Is that a contradiction? No. Because she's not our customer anymore.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15674
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Pam
Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. My favorite is the one for his mother.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15675
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Michael
Hey, Mom. Happy birthday, belatedly. Sorry I forgot. I had put it on my calendar and Pam threw that out.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15676
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Pam
My personal favorite is the one he made for his condo association.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15677
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Michael
And without denying the seriousness of the situation, I would just like to remind you that in much of the Netherlands, swimming naked is the norm. So in Norway, you'd be the weirdos.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15678
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Jim
Okay, Andy, we need to go. Seriously.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15679
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Andy
Dude, there she is. Don't look, don't look. She's sitting with Denise. How am I supposed to do this? Denise hates me.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15680
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Jim
Don't do it.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15681
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Andy
What is your problem, man? Can't you support a bro? That's why you don't have any friends, Tuna. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just, I need...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15682
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Jim
That's okay.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15683
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Andy
...your help. I love her.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15684
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Jim
What?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15685
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Andy
Yeah. I lo- I love her. Is this what love is? This, like, horrible feeling in my stomach?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15686
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Jim
No, that's your conscience. Listen to it.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15687
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Andy
Look, okay, just be my wingman. Beer me five minutes. Talk to Denise. She's really into White Russians and whippets.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15688
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Andy
Jamie, can I talk to you for a second?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15689
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Jamie
Yeah. I only have a minute.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15690
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Jim
So, high school.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15691
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Denise
Do you have a cigarette?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15692
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Jim
Oh, I don't smoke. Sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15693
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Denise
There's nothing to do in this town.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15694
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Jim
You should take up a musical instrument.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15695
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Denise
Yeah, I should take up that. Jamie?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15696
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Jim
Hey, uh, does Mr. Nortman still teach here? He's a jerk, right?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15697
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Denise
He's dead. Hey, do you have any weed?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15698
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Jim
No, nope. What else? What else? You watch The Hills? What is Heidi thinking?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15699
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Denise
How old are you?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15700
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Jim
How old do you think I am?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15701
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Denise
Forty?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15702
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Jim
[shakes head]
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15703
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Denise
Are you someone's dad here?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15704
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Jim
Not that I know of.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15705
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Denise
Ew. What kind of car do you have?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15706
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Jim
I drive a Saab station wagon.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15707
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Denise
My dad just gave me his old Lexus.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15708
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Jim
Really? Way to earn it. Hey, Andy?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15709
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Andy
What?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15710
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Jim
Yup.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15711
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Dwight
Very well. I just got a call from Debbie Brown over at the mill. She claims innocence and is willing to come over here and defend herself.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15712
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Creed
No time. Dwight, I love Debbie Brown. She's a close personal friend. But quality is my life. This company has a reputation to uphold. As much as it pains me, someone has to be held accountable.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15713
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Dwight
You're right. Mercy is for girl-babies. Time to put this dog down.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15714
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Michael
Are we ready?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15715
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Dwight
Final touch-ups.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15716
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Michael
Okay. Am I shiny?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15717
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15718
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Michael
Okay. We good? Okay, that's enough Aqua Net.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15719
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Dwight
I don't know...
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15720
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Michael
Stop it.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15721
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Dwight
[coughs]
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15722
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Kelly
Hey, Angela. I'm sorry that I said you were old enough to be my mother. I don't know why I said that. I think I might be hypoglycemic or something, but still, it's no excuse. So, I'm very sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15723
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Angela
Oh. Thank you, Kelly. And I wish I hadn't called you stupid.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15724
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Kelly
Do you think I'm a slut?
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15725
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Angela
No, but some of your outfits are not appr-
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15726
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Kelly
Apology accepted!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15727
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Angela
I didn't apologize.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15728
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Kelly
We're like best friends now!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15729
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Angela
We're not.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15730
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Kelly
I'll text you!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15731
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Angela
Don't!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15732
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Kelly
Bye, Angela!
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15733
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Angela
Fine.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15734
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Kelly
That is all I was looking for today. She got something out of my training session. I mean, she will never work in customer relations. Oh, my God, no. Never. But maybe she'll be less of a grump.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15735
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Angela
Kelly's not so bad. She really taught me something today.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15736
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Michael
I have literally apologized an infinite number of times on this, and there are still calls for me to resign. Calls from an annoying woman, and possibly even the media alike. Well let me tell you something, something from the heart. I will not resign. I need this job. My mortgage is hundreds of dollars a month. With this job, I can barely cover that. I have a company car, but I still have to pay for gas, and gas prices are high. And I have no savings whatsoever. And it wasn't even me. It's so not fair that they want me to resign.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15737
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Dwight
...to the fullest extent of the law. Listen up, everyone! I just got off the phone with the mill. Final responsibility for Watermark-gate has been assigned. Floor manager Debbie Brown has officially been terminated. Lets give a big hand to Creed Bratton, without whose earnest and diligent sleuthing this scandal might never have been resolved.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15738
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Creed
Just doing my job, guys.
Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15739