"Product Recall" Quotes

Every quote from The Office season 3, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 26, 2007.

398 quotes · page 1 of 4

Jim

It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question. What kind of bear is best?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15342
Dwight

That's a ridiculous question.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15343
Jim

False. Black bear.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15344
Dwight

Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought---

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15345
Jim

Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15346
Dwight

Bears do not--- What is going on--- What are you doing?!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15347
Jim

Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that's a grand total of... eleven dollars.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15348
Dwight

You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15349
Jim

... MICHAEL!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15350
Dwight

Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15351
Pam

Yes, I understand. Can I transfer you to customer relations?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15352
Jim

Absolutely. I couldn't be more sorry about this.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15353
Phyllis

I know, I know. We're all trying to get to the bottom of this.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15354
Stanley

I am upset. Don't I sound upset?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15355
Michael

It is disgusting. I totally agree. Well, we're going to recalling all of that paper.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15356
Michael

We have a crisis. Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound cream butter stock. Five hundred boxes has gone out, with the image of a beloved cartoon duck, performing... unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15357
Michael

Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15358
Dwight

Cri-Man-Squa?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15359
Michael

Crisis Management Squad.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15360
Ryan

F and C, doubletime?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15361
Michael

Front and Center. Twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15362
Jim

One more. Why are you talking like that?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15363
Michael

To save time, Jim.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15364
Karen

Actually I think you could make the argument that it wastes time.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15365
Pam

Yeah, she has a good point. I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, by the time you explained it, it actually took up more time.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15366
Michael

You know what? Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh! Forget it. Where is Creed?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15367
Creed

Here.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15368
Michael

Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I really think you screwed the pooch on one, Creed. Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15369
Creed

Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15370
Michael

We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. Accounting, you are on customer service duty today.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15371
Oscar

That's really not our job.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15372
Michael

Midnight, Oscar!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15373
Angela

Kelly's training us?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15374
Kelly

This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15375
Angela

I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15376
Michael

Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15377
Jim

Yeah, I gotta call out on that.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15378
Michael

No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15379
Jim

All right.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15380
Michael

I want you to bring a partner.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15381
Ryan

I'll go.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15382
Michael

No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15383
Andy

William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15384
Jim

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15385
Michael

No, no. I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME! Guys, get on this. Dwight, I want you to be in charge of the press conference.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15386
Dwight

Yes! You are entering the 'No Spin Zone!'

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15387
Pam

We're having a press conference?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15388
Michael

No, Pam. The press is just gonna find out by themselves.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15389
Dwight

Not!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15390
Michael

Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15391
Michael

I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15392
Jim

Oh, did the press ask for a story?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15393
Michael

Here

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15394
Creed

Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15395
Creed

The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15396
Kelly

Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15397
Oscar

I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15398
Kelly

I know, right? Probably a lot.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15399
Angela

Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15400
Kelly

OK, Angela. I love your enthusiasm. All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say 'Customer Service, this is Kelly!' Except don't say 'Kelly,' say your own name. Or if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Bridget Jones, and I talked like this for the whole conversation!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15401
Kevin

Oh! Can I be Australian, mate?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15402
Kelly

Absolutely!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15403
Kevin

'ello, mate!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15404
Kelly

I like ice cream! I need a boyfriend.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15405
Kevin

I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15406
Andy

Beer me!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15407
Jim

What's that?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15408
Andy

Hand me that water. I always say 'Beer me.' Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time. So how's what's-her-name?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15409
Jim

You know her name.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15410
Andy

Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends. Mmm. How's the apartment hangin'?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15411
Jim

It's fine.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15412
Andy

Nice. Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15413
Jim

What about music? Do you have any music?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15414
Andy

Uh, yeah. Should have said so. Rha-dah-dah-dah! Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away-he-hay. Ruu-da-doo-da-doo, ba-dit-da-doo-da-dun, Give me the beat, boys, and free my little-ole-soul, I wa--

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15415
Jim

I was thinkin' about more like a CD, or... a CD.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15416
Andy

Your call, dude. My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15417
Jim

Lord, beer me strength.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15418
Andy

So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15419
Jim

Did that

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15420
Andy

Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15421
Andy

Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15422
Jim

Oh, is she that teacher in the white?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15423
Andy

No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15424
Jim

Which one... is she?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15425
Andy

The one in the green hoodie.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15426
Jim

Wow.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15427
Andy

I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15428
Jim

No, I don't think so.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15429
Andy

She's like, probably a tutor.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15430
Jim

Nope.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15431
Andy

She probably a t--

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15432
Jim

No.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15433
Andy

Sh---

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15434
Jim

No.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15435
Michael

OK, press conference in 45. Dwight, make sure this place looks nice.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15436
Dwight

On it. OK, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. Pam, run a comb through your hair.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15437
Dwight

First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow, I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15438
Dwight

Hey! Look sharp! Hey! Uh, Hi. Hello, Dwight Schrute.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15439
Chad Lite

Hi, uh---

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15440
Dwight

And you must be uh, from the Washington Post.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Quote 15441