Every line from The Office season 2, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 15, 2005.
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Michael
I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4697
-
Jan
Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4698
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Michael
Look-
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4699
-
Dwight
Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4700
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Michael
Oh my God...
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4701
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Dwight
I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4702
-
Jan
No, Dwight; come in.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4703
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Dwight
Great.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4704
-
Michael
What do you want Dwight?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4705
-
Dwight
I am ready for my performance review.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4706
-
Michael
Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4707
-
Jan
Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4708
-
Michael
You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4709
-
Dwight
Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4710
-
Michael
Why on earth would we give you a raise?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4711
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Dwight
That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word: dedication. I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4712
-
Michael
You do? How do you get in?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4713
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Dwight
I have a copy of your key.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4714
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Jan
That's a serious offense!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4715
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Michael
That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4716
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Jan
Oh! Michael, for God sakes!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4717
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Dwight
I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4718
-
Michael
Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4719
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Dwight
For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4720
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Michael
That was deer!? Gross, oh!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4721
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Dwight
You liked it!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4722
-
Michael
Oh, did not!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4723
-
Dwight
Jan, have you ever had deer?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4724
-
Jan
No.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4725
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Dwight
It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4726
-
Michael
What do you say, Jan?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4727
-
Jan
Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, and I will return in about ten minutes.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4728
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Michael
Ok. You just, uh, clear your head.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4729
-
Jan
Thank you, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4730
-
Jan
Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss it with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. Do you have a light?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4731
-
Dwight
And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said 'Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of'.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4732
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Michael
That's from Superman?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4733
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Dwight
Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4734
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Pam
Do you think Michael and Jan actually...
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4735
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Jim
I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4736
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Pam
How do you come back from that?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4737
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Jim
Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4738
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Pam
No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4739
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Jim
Oh-
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4740
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Pam
As a human being.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4741
-
Jim
Yeah, no, I don't think you can.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4742
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Jan
I'm heading back to New York; Alan and I will conduct your performance review over the phone tomorrow.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4743
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Michael
Wait.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4744
-
Jan
K?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4745
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Michael
Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4746
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Jan
Michael, now is not the time or the place.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4747
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Michael
Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4748
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Jan
No, I am saying we are never having this conversation.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4749
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Michael
Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4750
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Jan
Never, for me, always means 'never ever ever.'
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4751
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Michael
I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4752
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Jan
Michael, it has nothing-
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4753
-
Michael
Am I too short?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4754
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Jan
With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and, and I don't agree about the b.o., but you are very, very inconsiderate.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4755
-
Michael
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4756
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Jan
Really. You're, you're, you're a great guy, ok?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4757
-
Michael
I appreciate that, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4758
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Jan
And you were very sweet, and you stayed up with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that-
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4759
-
Michael
No, I wasn't, I didn't cry-
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4760
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Jan
At this time in my life. I just am not in the place right now where I'm looking for a relationship, so we can still work together, we can still be friends but... ok?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4761
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Michael
So my looks have nothing to do with it?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4762
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Jan
Ohhh, God.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4763
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Michael
Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4764
-
Michael
Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4765
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Jim
Ummm... no idea.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4766
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Michael
Never missed a day, my ass.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4767
-
Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4768
-
Dwight
I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok!
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4769
-
Michael
Oscar, I'm ready for you.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4770
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Oscar
Today is performance-review day, company-wide, and I'm a little concerned about my review. I exceeded my sick days and my personal days because I just couldn't take it. And I don't have a good answer for him, when he asks me.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4771
-
Michael
So...
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4772
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Oscar
Michael, I don't know what to say.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4773
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Michael
Um, you're in accounting...
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4774
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Oscar
Yes, I'm in accounting and I'm sorry and all the extra days. I know I passed my limit.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4775
-
Michael
So, good, good, good. Something to work toward, being here more. I'm a big believer in people being here more.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4776
-
Oscar
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4777
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Dwight
You know what this is?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4778
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Jim
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4779
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Dwight
No, you don't.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4780
-
Jim
Then why the question?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4781
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Dwight
This is a visual aid for my performance review. Budget is tight, and if anyone is getting a raise, it is gonna be a fight to the death. And I intend on winning that fight. 'Dwight: determined, worker, intense, good worker, hard worker, terrific. Dwight.'
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4782
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Jim
I have one, too. Jim. Jim, Is Jim. My name is Jim.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4783
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Dwight
That's a total waste of your 'M.'
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4784
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Jim
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4785
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4786
-
Jim
You have a better idea?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4787
-
Dwight
Yeah, magnificent worker, marvelous worker, more money for this worker. Man, I like this worker. Mighty worker. That's good. That's good.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4788
-
Jim
I'll use that.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4789
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Jan
I am not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder Mifflin business.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4790
-
Michael
All right.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4791
-
Jan
Period.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4792
-
Michael
Yup.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4793
-
Jan
Do we understand each other?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4794
-
Michael
Absolutely.
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4795
-
Michael
I am not going to discuss anything outside of Dunder Mifflin business, period.' Okay. Now, why would Jan say she only wants to talk business and then make it clear that she is on her period? God, I don't understand women. How about a clear signal, right? Is that too much to ask?
Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4796