Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 4, in script order. First aired October 11, 2005.
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Pam
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure, can I ask who's calling? Just a second.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3122
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Jim
Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3123
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Pam
Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they're like going out, or dating, or something. And, uh... I don't know! You know? They're just... She calls him, and they... You know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3124
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Jim
So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3125
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Pam
Hey! You can just give her your extension.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3126
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Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3127
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Michael
Howard, slash Ryan, Ryan Howard is sitting in my office. And he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten the lay of the land a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way. And now he wants to know what I think.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3128
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Ryan
The temp agency wants to know what you think.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3129
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Michael
Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaeeexcellent!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3130
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Dwight
Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp. He hasn't evaluated me in years.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3131
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Michael
Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where do you want to be?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3132
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Ryan
Ah, well, I'm interested in business.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3133
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Michael
Oh! Good. Ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3134
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Ryan
Uh, no, actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3135
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Michael
That is ridiculous.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3136
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Michael
Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3137
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Michael
Much advice you seek. Do you know who that is?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3138
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Ryan
Fozzie bear?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3139
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Michael
Mmm... No. That was Yoda.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3140
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Michael
There are ten rules of business that you need to learn. Number one: You need to play to win. But... you also have to win to play.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3141
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Ryan
Got it.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3142
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Michael
And I will give you the rest of the ten at lunch.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3143
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Michael
Hey!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3144
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Dwight
Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3145
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Oscar
But it says no late fee... .
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3146
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Dwight
People!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3147
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Angela
Okay! Everybody!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3148
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Dwight
This is not a test! Move to the exits!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3149
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Angela
Do not panic!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3150
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Dwight
Head towards the exits.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3151
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Angela
Safety partners.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3152
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Dwight
Get up off your desks!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3153
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Angela
Do not panic.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3154
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Oscar
No, I don't hear it? Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3155
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Dwight
No, panic is warranted!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3156
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Angela
Go in single file lines.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3157
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Oscar
No, no. Finish the...
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3158
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Dwight
This is not at drill!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3159
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Angela
Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3160
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Dwight
Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3161
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Angela
Go, let's go.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3162
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Dwight
This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3163
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Dwight
This is not a test! Can you leave?!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3164
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Phyllis
Oh, you say that every time.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3165
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Dwight
DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3166
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Phyllis
Oh, boy...
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3167
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Dwight
Do you want to die? OUT!!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3168
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Angela
Alright, let's go, let's go.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3169
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Dwight
STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3170
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Angela
Come on, you're safety partners!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3171
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Dwight
Move to the exits!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3172
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Angela
You're safety partners!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3173
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Dwight
We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3174
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Kelly
I'm okay!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3175
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Dwight
Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3176
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Kelly
Let go of me!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3177
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Dwight
Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3178
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Michael
Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3179
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Michael
Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3180
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Ryan
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3181
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Michael
Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3182
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Dwight
Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3183
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Michael
So what was rule two?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3184
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Ryan
Ah... adapt, react, re-adapt, act.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3185
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Michael
Okay, well, let's... . let's kind of take it a little slower.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3186
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Dwight
Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3187
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Michael
Okay, uh, well, one is taken.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3188
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Ryan
Uh, okay, two?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3189
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Dwight
NO!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3190
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Ryan
Okay... uh, sorry?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3191
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Dwight
Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3192
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Michael
Well, he needs a permanent number, right?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3193
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Ryan
No.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3194
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Ryan
...I don't.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3195
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Dwight
Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3196
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Michael
Um, yeah. Okay. That... No, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3197
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Dwight
That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3198
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Ryan
I don't want to be like 'a guy' here. You know? Like, Stanley is the 'crossword puzzle guy'. And Angela has cats. I don't want to have a thing... here. You know, I don't want to be the 'something guy'.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3199
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Jim
Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3200
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Stanley
Ooh.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3201
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Jim
And, um...
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3202
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Pam
...Would You Rather?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3203
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Jim
Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3204
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Dwight
Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a...
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3205
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Jim
Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3206
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Angela
The Bible.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3207
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Stanley
That's one book. You've got two others.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3208
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Angela
A Purpose Driven Life.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3209
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Jim
Nice. Third book?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3210
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Angela
No.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3211
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Jim
Okay. Phyllis.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3212
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Phyllis
Um, The DaVinci Code.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3213
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Angela
The DaVinci Code!
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3214
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Jim
Nice.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3215
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Angela
I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3216
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Dwight
Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island?
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3217
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Jim
I guess.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3218
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Dwight
Then I would bring an axe, no books.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3219
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Jim
Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3220
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Dwight
Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.
Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3221