Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 4, 2005.
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Michael
Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back... wait... no, it's this one, right here. Home, sweet home.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2819
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Jim
So that's what this sound is all day.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2820
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Carol
Michael, this is Bill. He's the head of the condo association.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2821
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Michael
Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He'd always get rolled over by something.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2822
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Bill
Nice to meet you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2823
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Michael
Nice to meet you too.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2824
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Dwight
This is smaller than your old place.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2825
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Michael
Yeah, small. I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So, it's still an upgrade. He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2826
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Dwight
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2827
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Carol
Are we ready to sign some papers?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2828
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Dwight
Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2829
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Bill
It's very safe. It's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2830
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Carol
It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2831
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Michael
Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of that.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2832
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Dwight
Let's go check out the master bedroom.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2833
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Jim
Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2834
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Stanley
Yeah, I got a game. It's called 'work hard so my kids can go to college.'
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2835
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Jim
Fair enough.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2836
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Michael
This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2837
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Dwight
Oh. Terrible idea.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2838
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Michael
I'm putting my bed right over here.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2839
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Dwight
No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2840
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Michael
Well, then I will get a warrantee.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2841
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Dwight
Warrantees don't cover it, plus they're a rip-off.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2842
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Michael
Well then I won't get a warrantee.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2843
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Dwight
Shh Shh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2844
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Michael
So that's the problem, is solved. What?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2845
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Dwight
Listen. Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2846
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Jim
This scented candle ...andle ...andle. Which I found in the men's bathroom ...room ...room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2847
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Kevin
It smells like cookies.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2848
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Jim
Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2849
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Pam
Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2850
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Angela
I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2851
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Jim
Let the games begin.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2852
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Carol
And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2853
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Dwight
What kind of mortgage did you get?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2854
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Michael
Uh... Ten year.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2855
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Carol
Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2856
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Michael
What? Wha? You said ten.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2857
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Carol
Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2858
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Dwight
Ho, thirty years.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2859
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Michael
Ok, ok, ok.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2860
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Dwight
Wow, you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2861
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Michael
Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2862
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Dwight
Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I've got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2863
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Michael
Ok. Alright. Oh boy.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2864
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Dwight
Well, this is it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2865
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Carol
Whenever you're ready.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2866
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Michael
Um. Oh. Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2867
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Carol
Actually yes.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2868
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Dwight
Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2869
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Michael
Um. I'm going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2870
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Dwight
We'll be here waiting for you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2871
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Michael
Oh, man.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2872
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Dwight
A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2873
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Carol
Whenever you're ready, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2874
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Michael
Uh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2875
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Jim
You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2876
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Pam
Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2877
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Jim
Hum.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2878
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Pam
In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2879
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Jim
Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2880
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Pam
The thing about Jim, is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2881
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Jim
So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2882
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Phyllis
I'll do it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2883
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Jim
Yes! Phyllis! Phyllis, just put your foot right through here. Right through the flonk.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2884
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Michael
The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't... I don't...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2885
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Carol
What?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2886
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Michael
...know if you showed me this same unit or not.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2887
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Carol
Michael, this is the unit you saw and...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2888
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Michael
Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2889
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Carol
Who told you that?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2890
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Michael
As far as I can tell, I'm the best-looking person here.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2891
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Michael
There's a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you've no place to go but down.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2892
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Carol
Is this a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2893
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Michael
No, no, no.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2894
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Carol
That's some extra income for you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2895
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Michael
I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2896
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Carol
You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2897
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Michael
Ehhhh....
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2898
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Michael
I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We're having fun.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2899
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Dwight
Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2900
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Jim
Here we go. Here we go.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2901
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Pam
Go! Go! Go!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2902
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Oscar
Pair of shoes!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2903
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Jim
Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It's Phyllis!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2904
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Pam
It's Phyllis!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2905
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Jim
Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2906
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Pam
Flonkerton.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2907
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Jim
Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2908
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Meredith
Wow!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2909
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Kevin
[empties bowl of M&M's into his mouth]
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2910
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Jim
Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2911
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Michael
There's something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2912
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Dwight
You didn't have to...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2913
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Michael
No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2914
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Michael
Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2915
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Dwight
I don't even know what to say.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2916
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Michael
I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you're, you know, you're gone.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2917
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Dwight
Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2918