thedundies.com

"Office Olympics" Quotes (page 2)

Every line from The Office season 2, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 4, 2005.

403 quotes · page 2 of 5

  1. Michael

    Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back... wait... no, it's this one, right here. Home, sweet home.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2819

  2. Jim

    So that's what this sound is all day.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2820

  3. Carol

    Michael, this is Bill. He's the head of the condo association.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2821

  4. Michael

    Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He'd always get rolled over by something.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2822

  5. Bill

    Nice to meet you.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2823

  6. Michael

    Nice to meet you too.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2824

  7. Dwight

    This is smaller than your old place.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2825

  8. Michael

    Yeah, small. I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So, it's still an upgrade. He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2826

  9. Dwight

    Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2827

  10. Carol

    Are we ready to sign some papers?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2828

  11. Dwight

    Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2829

  12. Bill

    It's very safe. It's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2830

  13. Carol

    It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2831

  14. Michael

    Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of that.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2832

  15. Dwight

    Let's go check out the master bedroom.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2833

  16. Jim

    Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2834

  17. Stanley

    Yeah, I got a game. It's called 'work hard so my kids can go to college.'

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2835

  18. Jim

    Fair enough.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2836

  19. Michael

    This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2837

  20. Dwight

    Oh. Terrible idea.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2838

  21. Michael

    I'm putting my bed right over here.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2839

  22. Dwight

    No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2840

  23. Michael

    Well, then I will get a warrantee.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2841

  24. Dwight

    Warrantees don't cover it, plus they're a rip-off.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2842

  25. Michael

    Well then I won't get a warrantee.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2843

  26. Dwight

    Shh Shh.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2844

  27. Michael

    So that's the problem, is solved. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2845

  28. Dwight

    Listen. Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2846

  29. Jim

    This scented candle ...andle ...andle. Which I found in the men's bathroom ...room ...room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2847

  30. Kevin

    It smells like cookies.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2848

  31. Jim

    Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2849

  32. Pam

    Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2850

  33. Angela

    I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2851

  34. Jim

    Let the games begin.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2852

  35. Carol

    And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2853

  36. Dwight

    What kind of mortgage did you get?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2854

  37. Michael

    Uh... Ten year.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2855

  38. Carol

    Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2856

  39. Michael

    What? Wha? You said ten.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2857

  40. Carol

    Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2858

  41. Dwight

    Ho, thirty years.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2859

  42. Michael

    Ok, ok, ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2860

  43. Dwight

    Wow, you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2861

  44. Michael

    Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2862

  45. Dwight

    Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I've got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2863

  46. Michael

    Ok. Alright. Oh boy.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2864

  47. Dwight

    Well, this is it.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2865

  48. Carol

    Whenever you're ready.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2866

  49. Michael

    Um. Oh. Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2867

  50. Carol

    Actually yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2868

  51. Dwight

    Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2869

  52. Michael

    Um. I'm going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2870

  53. Dwight

    We'll be here waiting for you.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2871

  54. Michael

    Oh, man.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2872

  55. Dwight

    A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2873

  56. Carol

    Whenever you're ready, Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2874

  57. Michael

    Uh.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2875

  58. Jim

    You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2876

  59. Pam

    Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2877

  60. Jim

    Hum.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2878

  61. Pam

    In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2879

  62. Jim

    Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2880

  63. Pam

    The thing about Jim, is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2881

  64. Jim

    So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2882

  65. Phyllis

    I'll do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2883

  66. Jim

    Yes! Phyllis! Phyllis, just put your foot right through here. Right through the flonk.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2884

  67. Michael

    The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't... I don't...

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2885

  68. Carol

    What?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2886

  69. Michael

    ...know if you showed me this same unit or not.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2887

  70. Carol

    Michael, this is the unit you saw and...

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2888

  71. Michael

    Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2889

  72. Carol

    Who told you that?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2890

  73. Michael

    As far as I can tell, I'm the best-looking person here.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2891

  74. Michael

    There's a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you've no place to go but down.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2892

  75. Carol

    Is this a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2893

  76. Michael

    No, no, no.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2894

  77. Carol

    That's some extra income for you.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2895

  78. Michael

    I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2896

  79. Carol

    You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2897

  80. Michael

    Ehhhh....

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2898

  81. Michael

    I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We're having fun.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2899

  82. Dwight

    Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2900

  83. Jim

    Here we go. Here we go.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2901

  84. Pam

    Go! Go! Go!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2902

  85. Oscar

    Pair of shoes!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2903

  86. Jim

    Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It's Phyllis!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2904

  87. Pam

    It's Phyllis!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2905

  88. Jim

    Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2906

  89. Pam

    Flonkerton.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2907

  90. Jim

    Thank you, delegate from Iceland.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2908

  91. Meredith

    Wow!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2909

  92. Kevin

    [empties bowl of M&M's into his mouth]

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2910

  93. Jim

    Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2911

  94. Michael

    There's something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2912

  95. Dwight

    You didn't have to...

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2913

  96. Michael

    No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2914

  97. Michael

    Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2915

  98. Dwight

    I don't even know what to say.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2916

  99. Michael

    I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you're, you know, you're gone.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2917

  100. Dwight

    Question. Where can I put my terrarium?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2918