Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 4, 2005.
-
Kevin
Yes, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3019
-
Angela
Next year, you should file your stuff in a basket.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3020
-
Oscar
Remember last year he slipped by with 'Stripes.' He rented 'Stripes,' he had it for a week.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3021
-
Kevin
Please...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3022
-
Oscar
And that got through, so maybe he's thinking he can do that from now on.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3023
-
Kevin
Please, please. Please.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3024
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Dwight
What are the specs?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3025
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Michael
Oh, okay. I'll tell you. Let's see here. Three bedroom, two bath...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3026
-
Dwight
Nice.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3027
-
Michael
...contemporary townhouse. Two car parking...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3028
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3029
-
Michael
...wall-to-wall carpets...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3030
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Dwight
God, what a steal.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3031
-
Michael
...all fixtures included. Yes, this is... This is looking good.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3032
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Dwight
Does it have a deck?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3033
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Michael
I think it does.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3034
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Dwight
Have you seen it?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3035
-
Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3036
-
Dwight
Does it have a deck?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3037
-
Michael
I think it has a... Yeah, it has a deck. They call it a porch, but it has a deck.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3038
-
Michael
When a man is laying on his deathbed there are four things that go through his mind. Was I well-loved? Check. Did I express myself? Did I let my light shine through? Check. Will an attractive woman cry at my funeral? Check. Probably more than one. Check. Check, check, check, check. Lastly, did I achieve success and own real estate? And when I close on this condo, I will be able to check that one as well.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3039
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Jim
What do you call it? Schruteball?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3040
-
Pam
Okay. How about skeet Schruteing?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3041
-
Jim
Did you just come up with that?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3042
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Pam
Mmm-hmmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3043
-
Jim
That is good. That's it. That's what it is.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3044
-
Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3045
-
Jim
Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3046
-
Pam
Oh, oh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3047
-
Jim
Oh, Somebody went in. That was a team effort, Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3048
-
Pam
Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3049
-
Michael
Home owner. About to join an exclusive club, Dwight. Maybe some day these people out here will know what that feels like. Maybe not. Who knows? Not my problem.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3050
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Dwight
It's time.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3051
-
Michael
Are we ready?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3052
-
Dwight
That's it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3053
-
Michael
Are we gonna do it?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3054
-
Michael
This is all mine. All the way down around the corner. It's a shared space, but I can use it whenever I want to,
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3055
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Dwight
Okay, so I called in a favor to my buddy at the police department.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3056
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Michael
Ah, the volunteer Sheriff station.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3057
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Dwight
Same thing.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3058
-
Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3059
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Dwight
Um, these are the crime statistics for the surrounding square mile over the past four years.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3060
-
Michael
Oh, anything bad?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3061
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Dwight
Two charges of loitering,
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3062
-
Michael
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3063
-
Dwight
one noise complaint, several speeding tickets.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3064
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Michael
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3065
-
Dwight
Do you own a gun?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3066
-
Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3067
-
Dwight
I'd think about it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3068
-
Michael
I don't need a gun.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3069
-
Man
Hello?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3070
-
Michael
Hello! How are you? I'm, uh, just about to close on 126 over there and I guess we're going to be neighbors. Very cool, very cool. So, uh, so what's the vibe? What's the vibe of this place?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3071
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Man
Uh, I don't know. It's pretty quiet.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3072
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Michael
Oh... That's gonna change.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3073
-
Man
Why?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3074
-
Michael
Because I loves to party and I'm gonna be partying my butt out at this place.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3075
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Man
Okay, but there's an 11:00 noise curfew.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3076
-
Dwight
Hi, I am Dwight Schrute, Mr. Scott's associate.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3077
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Man
Who is Mr. Scott?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3078
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Dwight
Him. I have got a couple of questions about the neighborhood. Have you had any problems with prostitution, crack dealing, gang violence, etcetera?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3079
-
Man
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3080
-
Michael
Here's a question for you. I have a convertible. Is it safe that park that in my driveway. All right. See you soon. Good guy. Um, cool.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3081
-
Toby
So it's like volleyball.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3082
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3083
-
Toby
Okay, you get a one-second hold on the ball...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3084
-
Jim
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3085
-
Toby
...and you bounce it off the wall on your side of the tape.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3086
-
Jim
Oh, okay. Oh, do... that's what the tape is for. I didn't know.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3087
-
Toby
Yeah, Michael asked about it once. I just pretended not to hear him. He left.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3088
-
Michael
I think I'm going to make myself some microwave popcorn. Press 'Popcorn.' Oh, that's gonna be delicious. I just love having popcorn in the middle of the afternoon. You know what? I could do with some hot chocolate as well. Oh, drat. I can't make hot chocolate and popcorn at the same time, unless, I can. Boom! Second microwave for le hot chocolat.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3089
-
Carol
Hello.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3090
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Michael
Oh, Carol. Hello, how are you?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3091
-
Carol
Hello, hi. Hey, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3092
-
Michael
Good to see you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3093
-
Dwight
Oh, boy. This whole condo's shifting. It's like this place was built on ancient Indian burial ground.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3094
-
Jim
Hey, Phyllis, Do you have any games that you play in the office?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3095
-
Phyllis
What do you mean?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3096
-
Jim
Um, like stapler tennis or something like that.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3097
-
Phyllis
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3098
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3099
-
Michael
Second bedroom for the ladies. I mean, the extra ladies who aren't in my bed, or for friends or family, whoever wants to pop on by to casa de Scott. And right in here... What, what's in here? Uh-oh, bedroom number three. What are we gonna do in there? Limitless possibilities.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3100
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Dwight
Seal it off.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3101
-
Michael
What? What are you doing in there?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3102
-
Dwight
Fill it full of cotton or soundproof insulation.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3103
-
Michael
Oh, my God. Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3104
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Dwight
Seal it off with drywall so you don't hear Yo-Yo Ma over there all the time.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3105
-
Michael
You know what I might do, I might make this into a kids' room.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3106
-
Dwight
Kids? You don't even have a girlfriend.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3107
-
Michael
I will have a girlfriend once she sees this place. I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna have kids.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3108
-
Dwight
Well, that depends on how old she is. What if your girlfriend is 55?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3109
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Michael
I'm not gonna date a 55-year-old woman.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3110
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Dwight
Just a possibility.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3111
-
Michael
No, it's not. Just shut up.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3112
-
Dwight
If you fall in love with her.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3113
-
Michael
You're an ass. Shut it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3114
-
Dwight
I smell mold.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3115
-
Michael
No, you don't.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3116
-
Dwight
Living on a farm, your sense of smell gets very sharp. For example, there are beets in the condo two doors down that way. And someone over there, I believe, is a big fan of olives.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3117
-
Michael
I'm gonna back out of the deal. Nothing personal, but I feel like I have been taken advantage of here.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3118