Every line from The Office season 2, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 4, 2005.
-
Kevin
Yes, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3019
-
Angela
Next year, you should file your stuff in a basket.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3020
-
Oscar
Remember last year he slipped by with 'Stripes.' He rented 'Stripes,' he had it for a week.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3021
-
Kevin
Please...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3022
-
Oscar
And that got through, so maybe he's thinking he can do that from now on.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3023
-
Kevin
Please, please. Please.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3024
-
Dwight
What are the specs?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3025
-
Michael
Oh, okay. I'll tell you. Let's see here. Three bedroom, two bath...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3026
-
Dwight
Nice.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3027
-
Michael
...contemporary townhouse. Two car parking...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3028
-
Dwight
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3029
-
Michael
...wall-to-wall carpets...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3030
-
Dwight
God, what a steal.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3031
-
Michael
...all fixtures included. Yes, this is... This is looking good.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3032
-
Dwight
Does it have a deck?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3033
-
Michael
I think it does.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3034
-
Dwight
Have you seen it?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3035
-
Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3036
-
Dwight
Does it have a deck?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3037
-
Michael
I think it has a... Yeah, it has a deck. They call it a porch, but it has a deck.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3038
-
Michael
When a man is laying on his deathbed there are four things that go through his mind. Was I well-loved? Check. Did I express myself? Did I let my light shine through? Check. Will an attractive woman cry at my funeral? Check. Probably more than one. Check. Check, check, check, check. Lastly, did I achieve success and own real estate? And when I close on this condo, I will be able to check that one as well.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3039
-
Jim
What do you call it? Schruteball?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3040
-
Pam
Okay. How about skeet Schruteing?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3041
-
Jim
Did you just come up with that?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3042
-
Pam
Mmm-hmmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3043
-
Jim
That is good. That's it. That's what it is.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3044
-
Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3045
-
Jim
Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3046
-
Pam
Oh, oh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3047
-
Jim
Oh, Somebody went in. That was a team effort, Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3048
-
Pam
Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3049
-
Michael
Home owner. About to join an exclusive club, Dwight. Maybe some day these people out here will know what that feels like. Maybe not. Who knows? Not my problem.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3050
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Dwight
It's time.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3051
-
Michael
Are we ready?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3052
-
Dwight
That's it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3053
-
Michael
Are we gonna do it?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3054
-
Michael
This is all mine. All the way down around the corner. It's a shared space, but I can use it whenever I want to,
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3055
-
Dwight
Okay, so I called in a favor to my buddy at the police department.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3056
-
Michael
Ah, the volunteer Sheriff station.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3057
-
Dwight
Same thing.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3058
-
Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3059
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Dwight
Um, these are the crime statistics for the surrounding square mile over the past four years.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3060
-
Michael
Oh, anything bad?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3061
-
Dwight
Two charges of loitering,
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3062
-
Michael
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3063
-
Dwight
one noise complaint, several speeding tickets.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3064
-
Michael
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3065
-
Dwight
Do you own a gun?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3066
-
Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3067
-
Dwight
I'd think about it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3068
-
Michael
I don't need a gun.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3069
-
Man
Hello?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3070
-
Michael
Hello! How are you? I'm, uh, just about to close on 126 over there and I guess we're going to be neighbors. Very cool, very cool. So, uh, so what's the vibe? What's the vibe of this place?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3071
-
Man
Uh, I don't know. It's pretty quiet.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3072
-
Michael
Oh... That's gonna change.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3073
-
Man
Why?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3074
-
Michael
Because I loves to party and I'm gonna be partying my butt out at this place.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3075
-
Man
Okay, but there's an 11:00 noise curfew.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3076
-
Dwight
Hi, I am Dwight Schrute, Mr. Scott's associate.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3077
-
Man
Who is Mr. Scott?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3078
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Dwight
Him. I have got a couple of questions about the neighborhood. Have you had any problems with prostitution, crack dealing, gang violence, etcetera?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3079
-
Man
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3080
-
Michael
Here's a question for you. I have a convertible. Is it safe that park that in my driveway. All right. See you soon. Good guy. Um, cool.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3081
-
Toby
So it's like volleyball.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3082
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3083
-
Toby
Okay, you get a one-second hold on the ball...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3084
-
Jim
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3085
-
Toby
...and you bounce it off the wall on your side of the tape.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3086
-
Jim
Oh, okay. Oh, do... that's what the tape is for. I didn't know.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3087
-
Toby
Yeah, Michael asked about it once. I just pretended not to hear him. He left.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3088
-
Michael
I think I'm going to make myself some microwave popcorn. Press 'Popcorn.' Oh, that's gonna be delicious. I just love having popcorn in the middle of the afternoon. You know what? I could do with some hot chocolate as well. Oh, drat. I can't make hot chocolate and popcorn at the same time, unless, I can. Boom! Second microwave for le hot chocolat.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3089
-
Carol
Hello.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3090
-
Michael
Oh, Carol. Hello, how are you?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3091
-
Carol
Hello, hi. Hey, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3092
-
Michael
Good to see you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3093
-
Dwight
Oh, boy. This whole condo's shifting. It's like this place was built on ancient Indian burial ground.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3094
-
Jim
Hey, Phyllis, Do you have any games that you play in the office?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3095
-
Phyllis
What do you mean?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3096
-
Jim
Um, like stapler tennis or something like that.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3097
-
Phyllis
No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3098
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3099
-
Michael
Second bedroom for the ladies. I mean, the extra ladies who aren't in my bed, or for friends or family, whoever wants to pop on by to casa de Scott. And right in here... What, what's in here? Uh-oh, bedroom number three. What are we gonna do in there? Limitless possibilities.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3100
-
Dwight
Seal it off.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3101
-
Michael
What? What are you doing in there?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3102
-
Dwight
Fill it full of cotton or soundproof insulation.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3103
-
Michael
Oh, my God. Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3104
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Dwight
Seal it off with drywall so you don't hear Yo-Yo Ma over there all the time.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3105
-
Michael
You know what I might do, I might make this into a kids' room.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3106
-
Dwight
Kids? You don't even have a girlfriend.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3107
-
Michael
I will have a girlfriend once she sees this place. I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna have kids.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3108
-
Dwight
Well, that depends on how old she is. What if your girlfriend is 55?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3109
-
Michael
I'm not gonna date a 55-year-old woman.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3110
-
Dwight
Just a possibility.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3111
-
Michael
No, it's not. Just shut up.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3112
-
Dwight
If you fall in love with her.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3113
-
Michael
You're an ass. Shut it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3114
-
Dwight
I smell mold.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3115
-
Michael
No, you don't.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3116
-
Dwight
Living on a farm, your sense of smell gets very sharp. For example, there are beets in the condo two doors down that way. And someone over there, I believe, is a big fan of olives.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3117
-
Michael
I'm gonna back out of the deal. Nothing personal, but I feel like I have been taken advantage of here.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3118