Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 4, 2005.
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Michael
I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms. Oh, breakfast.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2719
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Ryan
I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2720
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Michael
Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2721
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Ryan
What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2722
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Michael
Um. The sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. But thank you. And why don't you take a couple hours. The office is yours. 'Home Alone,' 'Risky Business.' Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you gotta do.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2723
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Ryan
I'm just going to take a nap in my car until work starts.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2724
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Michael
Ok. Healthier. Gotta watch those carbs.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2725
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Michael
Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. Investing in real estate.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2726
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Dwight
Diversifying. Smart.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2727
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Michael
Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property and they'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2728
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Dwight
And it worked. They should bring the stocks back. People'd obey the law, there'd be less troublemakers.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2729
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Michael
Maybe.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2730
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Jim
[looks bored. Taps finger on desk. Head falls to desk]
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2731
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Pam
[laughs]
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2732
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Pam
Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is that, it's up to me to revive him.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2733
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Pam
You see Dwight's coffee mug?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2734
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Jim
Mm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2735
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Pam
Sometimes when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2736
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Jim
No way. Let's do this Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2737
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Pam
Here.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2738
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Jim
Wind.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2739
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Pam
Try paperclips. Oh wait. This message. For Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2740
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Jim
Perfect.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2741
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Pam
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2742
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Jim
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2743
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Dwight
You should go.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2744
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Michael
Yes. Yes. Final walkthrough.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2745
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Dwight
Uh huh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2746
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Michael
Sign the papers at the condo.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2747
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Dwight
You have your lawyer there?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2748
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Michael
Uh, I don't need one.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2749
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Dwight
Can I be your representative?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2750
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Michael
I don't need a representative.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2751
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Dwight
I think I should be there.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2752
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Michael
No, No.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2753
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Dwight
I'm good. I can make sure things are up to code.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2754
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Michael
No. Dwight. I'm fine.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2755
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Dwight
Please, I'm always the guy you rely on at work.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2756
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Michael
Well, this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo, it's completely personal.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2757
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Dwight
So you're taking a personal day?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2758
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Michael
Except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2759
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Dwight
Please, I'll make you proud.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2760
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Michael
Ok. Fine. Yes, you can come.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2761
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Dwight
Yes! As your representative?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2762
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Michael
As my associate.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2763
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Dwight
Same thing.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2764
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Michael
No it is not.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2765
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Dwight
I have been Michael's #2 guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart, and I'm like Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart; you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2766
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Michael
Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2767
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Pam
You headed out?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2768
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Michael
We are. Dwight and I are going to the big thing. So why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports and I'd like them in by the end of the day.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2769
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Pam
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2770
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Michael
Very good.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2771
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Pam
Have a great time.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2772
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Michael
We will. Um, did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2773
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Pam
Yeah, I changed them to your new address.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2774
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Michael
Good. The Small Business Man?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2775
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Pam
Yup.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2776
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Michael
Maxim? American Way? Cracked?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2777
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Pam
Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2778
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Michael
How about, uh, Fine Arts? Aficionado Monthly?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2779
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Pam
[shakes head]
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2780
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Michael
NO, well can you get on that, because I don't just read Cracked. Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2781
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2782
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Michael
Ok. See you soon.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2783
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Dwight
What kind of shocks you got on this baby?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2784
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Michael
I don't know, regular. Normal ones. Nothing fancy. Not my style. What are you doing?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2785
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Dwight
I want to put the top down.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2786
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Michael
What? No, Dwight. It's fifty degrees outside. Don't... please...
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2787
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Dwight
But then no one can see us.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2788
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Michael
I... Just... Would you put it up? Ok. Fine. Just leave it down. Whiner.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2789
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Dwight
Check it out. Terminator.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2790
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Michael
I do not understand what you spend your money on.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2791
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Kevin
Ooh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2792
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Jim
Hey, Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2793
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Oscar
Yeah. It's a terrible system, I know.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2794
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Jim
What does 2005 season mean?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2795
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Oscar
Eh.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2796
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Jim
Wait a minute, what is this?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2797
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Oscar
It's a scoreboard.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2798
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Jim
What?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2799
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Oscar
Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2800
-
Jim
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2801
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Oscar
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2802
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Kevin
Or when we're bored.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2803
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Jim
Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2804
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Kevin
We're bored a lot.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2805
-
Jim
OH!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2806
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Kevin
Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2807
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Oscar
Sweet!
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2808
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Jim
Yes! So close. I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2809
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Kevin
We call it Hate Ball.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2810
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Jim
Why?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2811
-
Kevin
Because of how much Angela hates it.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2812
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Jim
Hey, do you guys have any other games?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2813
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Kevin
Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2814
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Angela
You
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2815
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Oscar
You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2816
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Michael
Home, sweet home.
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2817
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Dwight
Which one's yours?
Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2818