Every line from The Office season 2, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 20, 2005.
-
Michael
Ping? Everybody loves Ping. He's my most popular character.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2297
-
Oscar
I think many people find that character slightly racist.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2298
-
Michael
Really? Well, he is based on the Chinese delivery guy that I have, who talks exactly like that, so, I think you should take it up with him instead of me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2299
-
Oscar
Look, I'm just saying that there are many people that are offered by your insensitive skits.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2300
-
Michael
Well, neither of you are Chinese, so what... Why do you care?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2301
-
Phyllis
Dwight, get out of here!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2302
-
Dwight
No, no, no.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2303
-
Phyllis
You can't be in here!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2304
-
Dwight
It's not what you think.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2305
-
Phyllis
Shut up. You're a freak!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2306
-
Dwight
I'm on official business.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2307
-
Phyllis
You are...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2308
-
Dwight
This is Dunder Mifflin...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2309
-
Phyllis
I'm telling Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2310
-
Dwight
No. Phyllis, you're not...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2311
-
Phyllis
I'm telling Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2312
-
Dwight
Phyllis, no. No.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2313
-
Phyllis
Michael, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2314
-
Dwight
Phyllis, no, no. Do not listen to her. She's out of her mind.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2315
-
Phyllis
Dwight was in the ladies' room and he was looking at me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2316
-
Michael
What?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2317
-
Dwight
That is not true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2318
-
Phyllis
He was looking at me in the ladies' room.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2319
-
Dwight
That's totally unfair. I was just in the ladies' room in order to spy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2320
-
Michael
Dwight, you've hit a new low here.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2321
-
Phyllis
That's what I said. He was spying in the ladies' room.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2322
-
Dwight
What do you think, Phyllis? You think I followed you in there? Like, 'Oh good. Phyllis is going to the bathroom, so maybe I get to see her naked from the waist down.' I'm not even attracted to you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2323
-
Michael
That is a good point.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2324
-
Phyllis
Write him up or I'll take it to Jan.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2325
-
Michael
Okay, all right, I will do that. I will get to that definitely. Absolutely.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2326
-
Phyllis
When?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2327
-
Michael
Oh, I don't know. Maybe after I finish writing, producing, directing, and hosting your awards show. All right, just relax, keep your pants on. Unless, of course, you're in the bathroom and you should be able to take your pants off in that case without Creepsville Central spying on you. Good.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2328
-
Phyllis
All right.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2329
-
Dwight
All right, let's wrap it up. Come on, we're late. The Dundies are starting very soon. Accounting, let's go, let's go. Okay, I gave you fair warning. Out. Who's next, customer service? Meredith, let's roll.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2330
-
Michael
Here we go. And that. Hey. How you doing?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2331
-
Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2332
-
Dwight
Yeah, you know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2333
-
Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2334
-
Dwight
The Dundies!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2335
-
Michael
You down with the Dundies? You're all my homies
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2336
-
Dwight
You know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2337
-
Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2338
-
Dwight
Yeah, you know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2339
-
Michael
Yeah, all the homies
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2340
-
Michael
I have listened to that song so many times and I still don't know what OPP stands for. Other people's... Something. I...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2341
-
Kevin
So, Pam, I wonder who's gonna get 'longest engagement' this year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2342
-
Roy
Well. You're not goona get longest engagement, man, 'cause we got that locked up.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2343
-
Kevin
I wonder what I'll get. I brought my fiance.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2344
-
Michael
All right, our next award... ah, yes, this award goes to the most creative writing on the ladies' room wall, and the winner is... Who is it? Who wants to claim it? Shiny Dundie. Who wrote it? Great idea, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2345
-
Toby
I'm just saying I don't think it's appropriate for you to have given Ryan that award.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2346
-
Michael
He's hot, all right? What do you want me to do about it?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2347
-
Toby
Okay, that is fine to feel, but not to act on.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2348
-
Michael
It was unanimous, Toby.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2349
-
Toby
It wasn't a vote. You decided.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2350
-
Michael
Well, okay, I based it on what I felt was unanimous office sentiment, and this isn't even about what Ryan thinks. It's about you. It's about how you feel about the Dundies. Admit it.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2351
-
Toby
Okay, that is not true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2352
-
Michael
Yes, it is true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2353
-
Toby
Cause Ryan asked me to talk to you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2354
-
Michael
Okay, I don't have time for this. I need to get on stage and you are breaking my concentration. Me Chief Michael Scott. Here to trade...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2355
-
Dwight
Excuse me, Goldschlager, extra flakes.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2356
-
Waitress
We don't have that. You want a Presidente Margarita? Blue Pacific Margarita, El Nino...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2357
-
Dwight
No, no. No margarita. Hot sake.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2358
-
Waitress
[shakes head 'no']
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2359
-
Dwight
Fosters in the big can.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2360
-
Waitress
[shakes head 'no' again]
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2361
-
Dwight
Just a chocolate shake, chocolate sprinkles.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2362
-
Dwight
Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Lie still, lie still.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2363
-
Pam
I am fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2364
-
Jim
Dwight, this is crazy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2365
-
Pam
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2366
-
Dwight
Jim, not now! We need to cushion her head. Lie still. Please, Pam. Do not move.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2367
-
Jim
Dwight, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2368
-
Dwight
I'm sorry.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2369
-
Pam
I am fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2370
-
Dwight
Jim, don't interfere.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2371
-
Manager
You have to put your clothes back on. People are trying to eat.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2372
-
Pam
Oh, my God.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2373
-
Dwight
Can you give me a second, sir.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2374
-
Manager
No!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2375
-
Pam
Dwight, let me up.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2376
-
Manager
Put your clothes back on. Get, get right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2377
-
Dwight
I am a Sheriff's Deputy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2378
-
Manager
That's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2379
-
Dwight
I could have my men in here in a second and have you arrested.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2380
-
Jim
The other volunteers.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2381
-
Dwight
Pam, are you all right?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2382
-
Pam
I'm fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2383
-
Manager
Sir, sir.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2384
-
Dwight
How many fingers am I holding up?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2385
-
Pam
You're holding up three fingers.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2386
-
Dwight
All right. Are you okay?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2387
-
Manager
Put your clothes on, right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2388
-
Dwight
I will. I will. You need to calm down.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2389
-
Manager
Right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2390
-
Michael
Don't wanna forget that.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2391
-
Manager
You and your party really need to leave right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2392
-
Michael
Absolutely. Is this mine or is this Chili's?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2393
-
Manager
You know what? Don't worry about it.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2394
-
Michael
Keep it. My gift. Thank you. Have a good night. See you next year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2395
-
Manager
That's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2396