Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 20, 2005.
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Michael
Ping? Everybody loves Ping. He's my most popular character.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2297
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Oscar
I think many people find that character slightly racist.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2298
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Michael
Really? Well, he is based on the Chinese delivery guy that I have, who talks exactly like that, so, I think you should take it up with him instead of me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2299
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Oscar
Look, I'm just saying that there are many people that are offered by your insensitive skits.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2300
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Michael
Well, neither of you are Chinese, so what... Why do you care?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2301
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Phyllis
Dwight, get out of here!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2302
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Dwight
No, no, no.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2303
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Phyllis
You can't be in here!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2304
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Dwight
It's not what you think.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2305
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Phyllis
Shut up. You're a freak!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2306
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Dwight
I'm on official business.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2307
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Phyllis
You are...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2308
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Dwight
This is Dunder Mifflin...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2309
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Phyllis
I'm telling Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2310
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Dwight
No. Phyllis, you're not...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2311
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Phyllis
I'm telling Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2312
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Dwight
Phyllis, no. No.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2313
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Phyllis
Michael, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2314
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Dwight
Phyllis, no, no. Do not listen to her. She's out of her mind.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2315
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Phyllis
Dwight was in the ladies' room and he was looking at me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2316
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Michael
What?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2317
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Dwight
That is not true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2318
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Phyllis
He was looking at me in the ladies' room.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2319
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Dwight
That's totally unfair. I was just in the ladies' room in order to spy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2320
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Michael
Dwight, you've hit a new low here.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2321
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Phyllis
That's what I said. He was spying in the ladies' room.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2322
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Dwight
What do you think, Phyllis? You think I followed you in there? Like, 'Oh good. Phyllis is going to the bathroom, so maybe I get to see her naked from the waist down.' I'm not even attracted to you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2323
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Michael
That is a good point.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2324
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Phyllis
Write him up or I'll take it to Jan.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2325
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Michael
Okay, all right, I will do that. I will get to that definitely. Absolutely.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2326
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Phyllis
When?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2327
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Michael
Oh, I don't know. Maybe after I finish writing, producing, directing, and hosting your awards show. All right, just relax, keep your pants on. Unless, of course, you're in the bathroom and you should be able to take your pants off in that case without Creepsville Central spying on you. Good.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2328
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Phyllis
All right.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2329
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Dwight
All right, let's wrap it up. Come on, we're late. The Dundies are starting very soon. Accounting, let's go, let's go. Okay, I gave you fair warning. Out. Who's next, customer service? Meredith, let's roll.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2330
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Michael
Here we go. And that. Hey. How you doing?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2331
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Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2332
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Dwight
Yeah, you know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2333
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Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2334
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Dwight
The Dundies!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2335
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Michael
You down with the Dundies? You're all my homies
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2336
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Dwight
You know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2337
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Michael
You down with the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2338
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Dwight
Yeah, you know me.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2339
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Michael
Yeah, all the homies
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2340
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Michael
I have listened to that song so many times and I still don't know what OPP stands for. Other people's... Something. I...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2341
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Kevin
So, Pam, I wonder who's gonna get 'longest engagement' this year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2342
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Roy
Well. You're not goona get longest engagement, man, 'cause we got that locked up.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2343
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Kevin
I wonder what I'll get. I brought my fiance.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2344
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Michael
All right, our next award... ah, yes, this award goes to the most creative writing on the ladies' room wall, and the winner is... Who is it? Who wants to claim it? Shiny Dundie. Who wrote it? Great idea, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2345
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Toby
I'm just saying I don't think it's appropriate for you to have given Ryan that award.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2346
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Michael
He's hot, all right? What do you want me to do about it?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2347
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Toby
Okay, that is fine to feel, but not to act on.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2348
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Michael
It was unanimous, Toby.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2349
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Toby
It wasn't a vote. You decided.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2350
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Michael
Well, okay, I based it on what I felt was unanimous office sentiment, and this isn't even about what Ryan thinks. It's about you. It's about how you feel about the Dundies. Admit it.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2351
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Toby
Okay, that is not true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2352
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Michael
Yes, it is true.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2353
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Toby
Cause Ryan asked me to talk to you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2354
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Michael
Okay, I don't have time for this. I need to get on stage and you are breaking my concentration. Me Chief Michael Scott. Here to trade...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2355
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Dwight
Excuse me, Goldschlager, extra flakes.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2356
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Waitress
We don't have that. You want a Presidente Margarita? Blue Pacific Margarita, El Nino...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2357
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Dwight
No, no. No margarita. Hot sake.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2358
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Waitress
[shakes head 'no']
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2359
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Dwight
Fosters in the big can.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2360
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Waitress
[shakes head 'no' again]
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2361
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Dwight
Just a chocolate shake, chocolate sprinkles.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2362
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Dwight
Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Lie still, lie still.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2363
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Pam
I am fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2364
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Jim
Dwight, this is crazy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2365
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Pam
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2366
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Dwight
Jim, not now! We need to cushion her head. Lie still. Please, Pam. Do not move.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2367
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Jim
Dwight, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2368
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Dwight
I'm sorry.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2369
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Pam
I am fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2370
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Dwight
Jim, don't interfere.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2371
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Manager
You have to put your clothes back on. People are trying to eat.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2372
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Pam
Oh, my God.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2373
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Dwight
Can you give me a second, sir.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2374
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Manager
No!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2375
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Pam
Dwight, let me up.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2376
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Manager
Put your clothes back on. Get, get right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2377
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Dwight
I am a Sheriff's Deputy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2378
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Manager
That's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2379
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Dwight
I could have my men in here in a second and have you arrested.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2380
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Jim
The other volunteers.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2381
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Dwight
Pam, are you all right?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2382
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Pam
I'm fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2383
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Manager
Sir, sir.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2384
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Dwight
How many fingers am I holding up?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2385
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Pam
You're holding up three fingers.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2386
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Dwight
All right. Are you okay?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2387
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Manager
Put your clothes on, right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2388
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Dwight
I will. I will. You need to calm down.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2389
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Manager
Right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2390
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Michael
Don't wanna forget that.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2391
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Manager
You and your party really need to leave right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2392
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Michael
Absolutely. Is this mine or is this Chili's?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2393
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Manager
You know what? Don't worry about it.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2394
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Michael
Keep it. My gift. Thank you. Have a good night. See you next year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2395
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Manager
That's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2396