Every line from The Office season 2, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 20, 2005.
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Pam and Jim
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2197
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Everybody
Dundies! Dundies!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2198
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Michael
Alright, alright, alright, okay. Alright, we'll keep rolling. Okay, this is the fine work award. This goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2199
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Pam
Fine work! Fine work Stanley!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2200
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Michael
You know you did.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2201
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Pam
Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2202
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Stanley
Well, well, last year, I got great work, so I don't...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2203
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Stanley
So, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2204
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Michael
And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2205
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Michael
...I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2206
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Michael
It is the 'Whitest Sneakers' award! Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2207
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Michael
Get on down here! Pam Beesley ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2208
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Pam
I have so many people to thank for this award.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2209
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Pam
Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2210
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Pam
Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2211
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Pam
And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2212
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Michael
Pam Beesley ladies and gentleman. Oh! Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2213
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Jim
What a great year for the Dundies.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2214
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Jim
We got to see Ping. And we learned of Michael's true feelings for Ryan. Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. Which for me, has ruined them for life.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2215
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Jim
What?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2216
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Pam
Nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2217
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Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2218
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Pam
What?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2219
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Jim
I don't know, what?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2220
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Jim
Oh my God! You are so drunk!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2221
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Jim
Did you get that? Please tell me you got that. This is all going to be on.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2222
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Dwight
Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2223
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Jim
He's a volunteer.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2224
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Dwight
Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2225
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Jim
Dwight come on, come-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2226
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Dwight
It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2227
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Pam
Dwight, get off me!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2228
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Employee
I'm sorry, you're gonna have to put your clothes back on, people are trying to eat.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2229
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Dwight
Ahh! I can't-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2230
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Michael
Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let's see, I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2231
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Pam
Oh my God!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2232
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Jim
Whoa.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2233
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Pam
I just want to say, that this was the best, Dundies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2234
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Jim
Whoa.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2235
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Jim
Whoa, careful, careful.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2236
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Chili's Employee
We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2237
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Michael
Great work tonight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2238
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Dwight
Watch your step.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2239
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Michael
Excellent.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2240
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Dwight
Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2241
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Michael
Yes, that too, but I mean with the audio. Great work.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2242
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Pam
I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2243
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Jim
No you don't.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2244
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Jim
Oh, here she is. Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2245
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Pam
Hey, um, can I ask you a question?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2246
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Jim
Shoot.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2247
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Pam
Um, I just wanted to say thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2248
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Jim
Not really a question. Okay, let's get you home, you're drunk.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2249
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Jim
Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2250
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Pam
Bye.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2251
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Jim
Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you Angela.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2252
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Michael
TMI. Too much information. I used to say, 'Don't go there,' but that is so lame now. Or, 'You go, girl.' Or... Um, when did 'Where's the beef?' That was, like, a long, long time ago. It's funny how the shelf life of these things, like how long they last, like, 'Too much information' probably came on the scene... I mean, I didn't hear it till, like, this month, so it's pretty recently. Um, but you know, they're generally good for, like, no more than five or six years.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2253
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Toby
Yes, that's true. I have never won a Dundie. I am more than okay with that.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2254
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Kelly
I think I'm gonna share some Cadillac Fajitas with Toby. Toby is so cute, except he has that stupid kid.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2255
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Angela
Yes, I'm the designated driver, which is very important. We need everyone to get home safely. But no one ever gives me gas money, and people live all over. It's expensive.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2256
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Dwight
Like a gaggle of geese...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2257
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Michael
All right, we need something for Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2258
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Jim
Mmm-hmmm.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2259
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Michael
What do we know about him? He's an accountant.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2260
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Jim
He plays guitar, he likes naval history. He's a bowler.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2261
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Michael
He's fat. The fat accountant award.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2262
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Jim
Well, you seem to have this under control.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2263
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Jim
The weird part about this whole deal this that Michael truly believes that these awards are inspiring and motivational. I mean, he puts more effort and time and commitment into the Dundies than anything else he does all year. Which is probably why this branch will be downsized.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2264
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Michael
I am the fat accountant.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2265
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Dwight
Michael, I need to talk to you.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2266
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Michael
Here he is.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2267
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Dwight
I just thought that you might like to know that someone has written something about you on the ladies' room wall.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2268
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Michael
Really? What did they say? 'For a good time, call Michael Scott'?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2269
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Jim
Good one.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2270
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Dwight
Uh, no, no. No, I think something bad, maybe.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2271
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Michael
Why do you think that? You just immediately go to that, Dwight? Why are you so negative? Why...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2272
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Dwight
Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2273
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Michael
I mean, you just come in and you're just negative...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2274
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Dwight
Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2275
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Michael
...and you just walk negatively.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2276
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Michael
Do you want me to find out what it says?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2277
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2278
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Dwight
By any means necessary?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2279
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Michael
What does that even mean? What are you... What are you talking about?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2280
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Dwight
It's the ladies' room.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2281
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Michael
Just go and find out what it says and who said it and report back to me. But don't tell anybody that I have anything to do with it because if they ask me, I will say that you are crazy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2282
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Michael
Thank you. You won't regret this, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2283
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Jim
What award would you like to give Dwight?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2284
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Michael
I hadn't planned on including him.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2285
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Jim
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2286
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Michael
Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2287
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Dwight
It hasn't always been easy being a whistleblower. When I was in school, the kids would call me a tattle-tale or a snitch or a worm. So I really identify with those women from Enron. I wrote them letters to tell them how much they inspired me, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2288
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Dwight
Angela, it's simple. Just tell me what the bathroom wall says.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2289
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Angela
I don't talk about what goes on in the restroom.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2290
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Dwight
I'm not asking what you do in there. I just want to know what's written about Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2291
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Angela
I don't says those kinds of things out loud. It's inappropriate.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2292
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Dwight
Okay, I'll talk. You nod if I get it right. Does it have to do with his butt or his wiener?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2293
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Kevin
I think his characters are pretty funny. Especially Ping.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2294
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Michael
Well, what should I do, guys? Seriously, do you want me to just cancel the Dundies?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2295
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Kelly
No, we were just hoping you wouldn't do those characters, like last time.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2296