Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 20, 2005.
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Dwight
...for people's behavior.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2097
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Michael
Don't talk-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2098
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Dwight
And it's-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2099
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Michael
Just STAP IT YAP IT!!!!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2100
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Michael
Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2101
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Dwight
Yes!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2102
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Michael
Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Dundies ever.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2103
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Dwight
Best Dundies ever.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2104
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Dwight
Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2105
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Dwight
Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. Devon!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2106
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Michael
The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello.' Card!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2107
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Oscar
The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2108
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Michael
You down with The Dundies? You down with the Dundie-'
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2109
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Dwight
The waitress tripped on the cord.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2110
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Michael
Alright, alright, joke landed. So we are here, thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie awards. I am your host, Michael Scott. And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2111
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Kevin
Oh, just put these on the group tab.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2112
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Michael
Nope, actually this year, ah, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2113
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Stanley
You said, we could bring our families.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2114
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Michael
I did. And why didn't ya Stanley?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2115
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Stanley
I did, my wife's name is Terri.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2116
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Michael
Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terri.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2117
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Stanley
It's this person who's hand I'm holding Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2118
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Michael
Shut it. Um, good. Speaking of relationships, of all, all way shapes and forms. Um, I was out on a very, very hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2119
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Dwight
Really? We don't have any girls from HR.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2120
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Michael
No, that...for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2121
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Dwight
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2122
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Michael
And I was about to take her bra off...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2123
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2124
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Michael
...when she made me fill out six hours of paperwork-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2125
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Dwight
Like an AIDS test?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2126
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Michael
No! God.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2127
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Michael
Alright, so let's get this party staaaarrrrted.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2128
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Darryl
Hey let's go to Poor Richard's.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2129
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Roy
Yeah, let's get out of here.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2130
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Pam
Um...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2131
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Michael
Um, guys, where you going? Pam, show's just getting started.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2132
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Pam
Sorry.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2133
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Ryan
You staying?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2134
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Jim
Yeah, gotta eat somewhere.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2135
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Michael
And now... to someone who quietly goes about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2136
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Michael
...the 'Busiest Beaver' award goes to Phyllis Lapin.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2137
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Michael
Yeah, way to go Phyllis. Nice work, per usual.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2138
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Phyllis
This says 'Bushiest Beaver'.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2139
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Michael
What? I told them busiest...idiots.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2140
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Phyllis
It's, it's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2141
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Michael
Well, we'll fix it up. You don't have to display that.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2142
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Pam
...because that's what happens every time!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2143
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Roy
...talking about? He's a jackass every year.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2144
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Pam
No.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2145
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Roy
Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2146
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Pam
No, I don't want to go, I don't want to.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2147
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Roy
Pam. Go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2148
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Pam
If you would have asked me that, then you would know.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2149
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Michael
Herro everybodeeee. I'm gonna cwall Jan Revinson-Gould.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2150
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Jim
Hey! How are ya? I thought you left?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2151
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Pam
Oh no, I just, I decided to stay.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2152
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Jim
Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2153
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Pam
I'll just get a ride home from Angela.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2154
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Jim
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2155
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Pam
Oh good, I'm just in time for Ping.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2156
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2157
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Michael
Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2158
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Michael
Right? You know wat I'm talking 'bout.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2159
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Pam
Can I get a drink?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2160
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Michael
This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2161
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Michael
Somebody, who I think a lot of us, cannot keep, from checking out. The 'Hottest in the Office' award goes to... ...Ryan the temp!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2162
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Michael
Yeah. 'Hidy ho, you sexy thang. You sexy thang you.' Here you go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2163
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Ryan
What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2164
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Michael
And the 'Tight Ass' award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has, a great caboose. So...come on down.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2165
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Angela
No.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2166
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Jim
I think those might be empty.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2167
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Pam
No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2168
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Jim
Second drink?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2169
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Michael
The 'Spicy Curry' award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here. Here you go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2170
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Kelly
Spicy Curry', what's that mean?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2171
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Michael
Um, not everything means something, it's just a joke.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2172
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Kelly
Yeah, but why'd you give it to me?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2173
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Michael
I don't know, it's just...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2174
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Kelly
This is a bowler-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2175
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Michael
I know. It's ju- they didn't have any more businessmen. So...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2176
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Kelly
Yeah, but everyone else-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2177
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Michael
Just sit down Kelly.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2178
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Michael
It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got Dwight sucking the funny out of the room, but you do what you can do. Here we go, he's early with the cue. Here we go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2179
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Michael
'You have won a tiny Dundie.'
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2180
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Guy At Bar
Sing it Elton.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2181
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Michael
Hey, thanks guys. Hey, where you guys from?
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2182
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Other Guy at Bar
We just came from yo' mama's house.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2183
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Michael
Oh, alright, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2184
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Guy At Bar
Sing 'em a song dude.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2185
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Michael
Uh, you know what guys, we're just having a little office party, so if you want, uh...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2186
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Michael
Hey, you know, cool it guys, really-
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2187
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Guy At Bar
You suck man!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2188
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Michael
Let's cut it.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2189
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Michael
I had a few more Dundies to, uh, give out tonight, but, I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap it up so everybody can enjoy their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened. This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the 'Don't Go in There After Me' award. It's for the time that I went into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So...
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2190
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Michael
[give Kevin his award]There you go.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2191
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Pam
Yay Kevin. Whoo hoo for Kevin! For stinking up the bathroom.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2192
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Jim
Yeah, alright Kev.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2193
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Pam
Woo! Hey, I haven't gotten one yet!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2194
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Jim
Yes, I have not gotten one either. So, keep going.
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2195
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Pam
More Dundies!
Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2196