Every line from The Office season 2, episode 14, in script order. First aired January 26, 2006.
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Michael
You call that a sales call? My God, what have they been teaching you?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7012
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Dwight
You're the one who trained me, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7013
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Michael
Yeah, well, did I teach you to roll over like a submissive dog?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7014
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Dwight
You most certainly did not.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7015
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Michael
No, I did not.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7016
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Dwight
What can I do better?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7017
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Michael
Exactly, ask me, which you did, so, tell a joke.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7018
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Dwight
I'm not good at jokes.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7019
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Michael
Do you know a joke?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7020
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Dwight
My cousin Mose told me a joke.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7021
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Michael
Call a client right now.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7022
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7023
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Michael
And tell him the joke.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7024
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Dwight
I will.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7025
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Michael
Strike while the iron's hot. A joke always works.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7026
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Dwight
Yes, Howard Gruber, please.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7027
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Michael
Just sell it.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7028
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Dwight
Howard, hello. Dwight Schrute. Dunder Mifflin. Yes, and you are my favorite client. Listen, I'm calling you to tell you a little joke. What is black and white and red and can't think? A nun who has a beet for a head. ... No, I'm Catholic, too.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7029
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Michael
Give me the phone.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7030
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Dwight
I understand.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7031
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Michael
Give me the phone.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7032
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Dwight
If I was offensive in any way, I...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7033
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Michael
Tell him. Tell him that your supervisor is on the line.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7034
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Dwight
Humor works in...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7035
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Michael
The old one two. Let's do it.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7036
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Dwight
...crazy ways. I'm going to pass you off to my supervisor. Hold on one second. Howard Gruber. It's Howard Gruber.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7037
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Michael
Hey Howard. Michael Scott here. Yeah, sorry about that. Dwight is an idiot. I know. No, he's a little... Little dim. He's the janitor's brother, so...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7038
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Dwight
That's not true.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7039
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Michael
Uh-huh? Yeah. Well, you know, like in a fast food restaurant, just to be nice they hire somebody who can't even find their way to work? That is Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7040
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Dwight
He's my best customer.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7041
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Michael
What can we do to help you out? You know what? I have a discount. Today and today only, on lightweight copier paper.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7042
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Dwight
But that's my sale. This is my sale, Michael!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7043
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Michael
Uh-huh, yes, I can do that. Absolutely! Perfect. Oh, I'm glad it timed out that way.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7044
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Dwight
What Michael doesn't understand is that when I worked in the fast food industry I was actually commended by management for the three 'M's. McService, McCompetence and McPunctuality.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7045
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Roy
You gotta drink on that one. Too bad.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7046
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Darryl
Hell yeah, yeah, yeah. Mo'fo, mo'fo.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7047
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Roy
You ready?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7048
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Darryl
Mmm-hmm. Now you've got to drink.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7049
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Dwight
Okay, look, I know what you're gonna say. That I'm not standing up for myself. But you know what? It's complicated and I really don't appreciate all the badgering.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7050
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Angela
You could out-sell Michael any day.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7051
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Michael
I really thought these people were my friends. My best friend since kindergarten, Elliot, that's a friend. Best friend ever. I should call him. Wonder where he lives.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7052