Every line from The Office season 2, episode 14, in script order. First aired January 26, 2006.
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Ryan
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6712
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Jim
Oh, nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6713
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Jim
Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice, and, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh... June. Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6714
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Ryan
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6715
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Jim
Oh, nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6716
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Ryan
Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6717
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Michael
Spamster!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6718
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Pam
Um, Pam plus Spam plus...?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6719
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Michael
Hamster.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6720
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Pam
Right.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6721
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Michael
Welcome back! How was your vacation?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6722
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Pam
It was great.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6723
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6724
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Pam
Mm-hm.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6725
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Michael
Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6726
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Pam
Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6727
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Michael
I am Pam. Spicoli guy. Oh, God. Names, numbers. Okay. Whoa! God! Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6728
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Pam
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6729
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Michael
Wow! What happened in there?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6730
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Pam
I don't know.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6731
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Michael
There is stink in there, my God! What is... what is that?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6732
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Pam
Oh... I don't know.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6733
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Michael
Is it a bird?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6734
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Pam
No, I don't think it's a bird.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6735
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Michael
Oh, God! How could that happen? How could... right in the middle of the carpet.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6736
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Kevin
What's goin' on?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6737
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Michael
Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6738
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Kevin
I don't think that's vomit.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6739
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Michael
Check it out.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6740
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Kevin
Me?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6741
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Michael
Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get... no, I'm not holding your coffee.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6742
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Kevin
Oh, that's ridiculous.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6743
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Michael
What is it?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6744
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Kevin
Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6745
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Michael
What is it? No, just tell me what it is.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6746
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Kevin
Michael, I ... I ... I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6747
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Pam
Open the door up!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6748
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Kevin
It smelled
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6749
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Pam and others
Phew. Oh! No, mm-mm.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6750
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Michael
I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6751
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Toby
That's no burst pipe.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6752
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Michael
How do you know that? What is it, then?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6753
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Creed
Hi guys. Somebody makin' soup?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6754
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Michael
Here she comes. All cleaned? Great.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6755
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Dwight
It's still stinky.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6756
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Michael
That is worse.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6757
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Dwight
She probably scrubbed it
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6758
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Michael
I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um... I can't stand it, I can't stay in here another second. No!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6759
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Jim
Hey! Welcome back!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6760
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Pam
Thanks!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6761
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Jim
So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6762
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Pam
A little.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6763
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Jim
Good! What's goin' on here?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6764
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Jim
What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6765
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Ryan
It wasn't me. Um... it wasn't me. It was not me.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6766
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Jim
Oh. Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6767
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Pam
[giggles at Roy]
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6768
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Michael
Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6769
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Jim
That might be a little difficult with the one computer.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6770
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Michael
Oh... It's ...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6771
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Jim
But there's definitely a desk open in the back.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6772
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Michael
Yeah ...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6773
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Jim
...which I guess I'll be taking.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6774
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Michael
No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6775
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Jim
No, no, no, seriously, I'll be in the back.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6776
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Jim
Hey, Kelly.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6777
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Kelly
Are you moving back here?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6778
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Jim
Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6779
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Kelly
Because Toby used to sit there, but he had to move over there because of an allergy.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6780
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Jim
Allergy to... the desk?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6781
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Kelly
Weird.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6782
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Michael
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6783
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Dwight
Ha ha ha... the old bullpen.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6784
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Michael
Don't ape me.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6785
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6786
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Michael
This is great.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6787
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6788
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Michael
The pressures of my office are insane.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6789
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Dwight
Mm.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6790
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Michael
I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6791
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Dwight
No way!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6792
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6793
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Dwight
And who had your office?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6794
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Michael
Ed Truck. Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, 'Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work.' What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6795
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Kelly
I'm serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6796
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Michael
You know who used to sit at that desk?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6797
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Dwight
That guy Miles who quit to form his own company?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6798
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Michael
Mm-mm. Todd Packer.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6799
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Dwight
No!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6800
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6801
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Dwight
I thought he was out on the road.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6802
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Michael
He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6803
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Dwight
Ah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6804
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Michael
When I was in training, many years ago... not so long ago... I worked side-by-side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed, we convinced them that
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6805
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Michael
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6806
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Stanley
Excuse me one second, please. What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6807
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Michael
Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6808
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Michael
Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6809
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Creed
What did you hit me for?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6810
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Michael
Charley horse!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6811