Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 14, in script order. First aired January 26, 2006.
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Creed
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6812
-
Michael
Charley horse!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6813
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Creed
You shouldn't have hit me, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6814
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Michael
Oh, okay. Gah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6815
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Michael
Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6816
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Kelly
Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Snow cones...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6817
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Ryan
Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6818
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Jim
It's the lever on the side.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6819
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Ryan
That's what I told him. Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6820
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Kelly
Oh my God, he is so cute! Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6821
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Jim
No, I don't think I can...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6822
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Kelly
Oh, please Jim? Please, please, Jim. Please, please, please? He's so cute. I like him
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6823
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Michael
Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6824
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Dwight
Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6825
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Michael
Let's send up Accounting.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6826
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Dwight
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6827
-
Michael
Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6828
-
Michael
Hey guys.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6829
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Oscar
Hey, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6830
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Michael
Ahem. What's up?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6831
-
Oscar
Hey, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6832
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Michael and Dwight
Ahhhh! Whoo hoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Sales rules!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6833
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6834
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Michael
Yeah! Oh ho ho
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6835
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Dwight
Should we help 'em pick up their stuff?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6836
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Michael
No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6837
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6838
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Michael
Watch out, Pam. You're next!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6839
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Pam
You're gonna throw my things on the ground?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6840
-
Michael
Maybe!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6841
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Oscar
What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it, it makes sense But it... it was still wrong.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6842
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Michael
Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6843
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Michael
You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6844
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Dwight
Hello, am I the 107th caller? Hello, Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? Hell , Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? I'm totally gonna win us that box set.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6845
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Michael
Stop.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6846
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Dwight
Jethro Tull...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6847
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Michael
Stop it. Stop. It. Don't. Don't.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6848
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Dwight
I need to make a sales call. Please?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6849
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Michael
All right.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6850
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Dwight
Am I the 107th caller?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6851
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Pam
...back so soon.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6852
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Roy
We can go back in, like, a couple of weeks maybe.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6853
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Pam
Yeah, right.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6854
-
Roy
Okay, maybe another month, like, maybe for, like President's Day or something.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6855
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Pam
Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend. I wonder if I could, like, call in sick on the Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6856
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Kelly
But it's so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6857
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Pam
Are you kidding?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6858
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Roy
No.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6859
-
Michael
Hi, guys.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6860
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Angela
We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6861
-
Michael
I'm just walking around.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6862
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Angela
Were you?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6863
-
Michael
Well, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6864
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Oscar
It's just that we're really swamped over here, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6865
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Michael
Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6866
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6867
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Michael
Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6868
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Phyllis
You're gonna compete against us?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6869
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Michael
Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6870
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Dwight
It is so on!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6871
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Michael
God, this is gonna be fun.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6872
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Dwight
Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6873
-
Michael
So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. Yes! Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6874
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Darryl
What... What's that? Whatcha doing?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6875
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Michael
Nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6876
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Roy
I think he's dancing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6877
-
Michael
No. Just ...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6878
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Darryl
That was definitely not dancing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6879
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Michael
You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6880
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Darryl
Paper business.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6881
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Michael
Yeah, paper business. Is this done?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6882
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Roy
Nope.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6883
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Michael
Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6884
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Pam
Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6885
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Creed
Who do you think did it?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6886
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Oscar
Are you kidding? I thought it was you.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6887
-
Creed
Really? I thought you.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6888
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Michael
This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6889
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Michael
You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6890
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Pam
That doesn't seem fair.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6891
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Michael
You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6892
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Dwight
But you're the one who picked today.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6893
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Michael
I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6894
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Stanley
That's not what a hate crime is.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6895
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Michael
Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . Very well. Then you are all punished.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6896
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Pam
What's our punishment?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6897
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Michael
You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. No. NO!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6898
-
Jim
Hey!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6899
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Ryan
What's up?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6900
-
Jim
Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually little awkward.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6901
-
Ryan
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6902
-
Jim
What do you think of Kelly?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6903
-
Ryan
I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in ... Umm... She's really cool.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6904
-
Jim
Are you interested in her?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6905
-
Ryan
Yeah, totally.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6906
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Jim
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6907
-
Ryan
Did she say something?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6908
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Jim
She said lots of things.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6909
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Ryan
Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6910
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Jim
I have no idea.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Quote 6911