Every line from The Office season 2, episode 14, in script order. First aired January 26, 2006.
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Ryan
Can you find out?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6912
-
Jim
Yeah. Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6913
-
Kelly
Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together... but don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6914
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Michael
Do you remember Ed Truck?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6915
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Creed
Sure. He hired me. How's he doing?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6916
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Michael
How would I know?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6917
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Creed
I thought you might.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6918
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Michael
My biggest fear is turning into him.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6919
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Creed
Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6920
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Michael
I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6921
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Michael
Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6922
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Ed
Yeah. Should we go upstairs?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6923
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Michael
Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6924
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Ed
So, what's the problem with my pension?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6925
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Michael
Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6926
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Ed
Well, what was done?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6927
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Michael
I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6928
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Ed
Yeah, somebody once did that in my office.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6929
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Michael
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6930
-
Ed
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6931
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Michael
Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6932
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Ed
You can't expect to be friends with everybody.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6933
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Michael
Well... s-sure I can.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6934
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Ed
No. They'll always think of you as a boss first.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6935
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Michael
Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6936
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Ed
I'm not sure that ever happens.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6937
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Michael
Well, okay. Different management styles.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6938
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Ed
Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6939
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Michael
Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, 'Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.'
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6940
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Jim
Hey, Brenda. This is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so gimme a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your e-mail 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh... give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6941
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Kelly
You just asked a girl out on the phone!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6942
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Jim
Yep.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6943
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6944
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Todd Packer
Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6945
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Michael
Who is this? How did you get this number?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6946
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Todd Packer
Your mom, you gay nerd!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6947
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Michael
Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6948
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Todd Packer
Hey, did you get that package I left for you?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6949
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Michael
Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6950
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Todd Packer
It was pretty big.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6951
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Michael
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6952
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Todd Packer
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6953
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Michael
Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6954
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Todd Packer
Left it in the middle of your office.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6955
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Michael
Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6956
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Roy
You mean the thing?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6957
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Todd Packer
[laughs uproariously]
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6958
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Michael
Are you kidding me? Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6959
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Todd Packer
Special delivery!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6960
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Michael
That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6961
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Todd Packer
Sit on the throne, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6962
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Michael
Oh. Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6963
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Michael
It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6964
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Jim's voicemail
You have seven unheard messages.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6965
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Pam
Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back!
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6966
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Pam
Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6967
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Pam
Sudoku. Level moderate. 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6968
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Pam
I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is ... okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened, so thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6969
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Pam
Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6970
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Pam
Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up, so I'll see you tomorrow.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6971
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Pam
Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6972
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Dwight
I think this whole disaster on Michael's carpet happened for a good reason. Him sitting next to me is a huge gift. This girl I know would say that it was a gift from God, but I don't know about all that.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6973
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Angela
Obviously, this was Kevin. This is his sense of humor exactly.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6974
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Kevin
There are so many people with motives, even me. Almost everyone is a suspect. Whoever did this is a genius.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6975
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Kelly
That looks, cool, where is that?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6976
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Jim
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6977
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Kelly
That hotel, it looks so romantic.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6978
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Jim
Oh, just somewhere in the Poconos. I was just surfing.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6979
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Kelly
I went with my parents to the Shadowbrook Farm once. That was also really romantic. Oh, my God, I wish a boy would take me there. I would need a fun new top. You know what a great color is on me? Lavender, actually.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6980
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Jim
Just give me one second. I'm just gonna grab something to eat.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6981
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Jim
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6982
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Toby
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6983
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Jim
So, you used to share that cubicle with Kelly, right?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6984
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Toby
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6985
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Jim
And then you just changed desks, right?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6986
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Toby
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6987
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Jim
To one without a cubicle.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6988
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Toby
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6989
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Jim
So, you just couldn't take it anymore, huh?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6990
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Toby
What are you talking about?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6991
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Jim
So, that's how it's gonna be.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6992
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Toby
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6993
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Toby
Honestly, I don't even hear her anymore. It's like waves crashing against the beach.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6994
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Michael
Okay, that quantity of cotton fiber will cost you... my screen disappeared. I know. I will click on the bottom and... Yes. I'm getting one of those little hourglass things. Used to have a price chart on the wall, now it's a little hourglass thing with an arrow next to it. Now it's just an hourglass thing. Uh-huh, yeah, well, or I can call you back. Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6995
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Dwight
Excellent, good, good. Well, our truck is going out first thing tomorrow morning. So...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6996
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Stanley
...cases of typical format and coated white paper. Okay, thanks again so much. All right, bye-bye.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6997
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Phyllis
20 cartons of it's coming, on it's way.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6998
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Michael
What's going on? Anything here?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 6999
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Stanley
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7000
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Michael
Yes, yes. What yes? A sale or a lead or...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7001
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Stanley
A sale.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7002
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Michael
Ah. Small?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7003
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Stanley
Big.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7004
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Michael
Huge?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7005
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Stanley
Just big.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7006
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Michael
Would you say the sale that I made earlier was huge or...
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7007
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Stanley
Big.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7008
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Dwight
Good. No, I completely understand, times are a little tight right now. If it's alright with you though, I will just give you a call back next month. Great, thank you so much. Goodbye.
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7009
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Michael
What was that?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7010
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Dwight
What?
Season 2 · Episode 14 · Line 7011