"The Alliance" Quotes (page 4)

Every line from The Office season 1, episode 4, in script order. First aired April 12, 2005.

360 quotes · page 4 of 4

Jim

Good. I like it. You know what. Pretend to smoke.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1192
Michael

Do a poem for Meredith's birthday or uh, limerick. Limerick. Um, there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Come on in. Who had a big, smifflin.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1193
Toby

Hi, do you mind if I sign the card real quick?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1194
Michael

No, not at all come on in. No, no. You can't. No, red hair is my area. We have it on tape, so...

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1195
Toby

It's just a birthday card.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1196
Michael

I was going to put that in my message, Toby. All right? So just cross it off. Cross it off, now. What are you doing? Oh come on, you're ruining it. Toby, come on. Just, look at that. That's wrecked. Ass. Get some white out.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1197
Toby

There's some right there.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1198
Michael

That's my white out. Get your own white out. Just... what's the matter with you? God. Okay, um, there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Who had a big, puttifflin. Mifflin, spifflin.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1199
Jim

Uh, by the way. Have you heard Dwight say the word immunity, yet? Because if I can get Dwight to say the word immunity, it might be the greatest day of my life.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1200
Dwight

Hey.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1201
Michael

Hey.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1202
Dwight

You wanted to see me?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1203
Michael

Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1204
Dwight

I don't think she'd be missed.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1205
Michael

There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1206
Dwight

Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1207
Michael

I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1208
Dwight

She had a hysterectomy.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1209
Michael

Which one is that again?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1210
Dwight

That's where they remove the uterus.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1211
Michael

Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny here, okay. What am I going to do with a removed uterus?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1212
Dwight

It could be kind of funny.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1213
Michael

Come up with a joke that I can use, okay?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1214
Dwight

Mmm-hmm.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1215
Michael

Help me out here.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1216
Dwight

Okay. Hey Meredith, where's your uterus?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1217
Michael

No, not a uterus joke Dwight. Please. Something useable. A joke.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1218
Dwight

If I find a joke for you, will you grant me immunity?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1219
Michael

What?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1220
Dwight

From the downsizing.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1221
Michael

There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight. You know what, I am on a deadline here and just, okay. Thanks. Thanks for your help. I'm... I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. Thanks for coming in, that's always... Always helpful when I give him a call. Call him in.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1222
Michael

Meredith. Oh, oh man, ah gosh. I can't remember why I came over here. Ha, ha.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1223
Meredith

I hate that.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1224
Michael

I know. Ugh, that is so annoying. Brain fart. By the way, do you remember any funny interactions we may have had recently that I've forgotten about? Just, you know we bumped into each and you said, 'Brr, brr.' And I went, 'Argh, Argh.' You know? Anything? Well, if you think of something, let me know. 'Cause I like to know. 'Cause I'm going crazy.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1225
Michael

Oscar, uh for future reference just think you should know, that you should probably make it clear that your nephew is doing the walkathon and that he doesn't actually have cerebral palsy. Okay.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1226
Oscar

I never suggested...

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1227
Michael

No, no. I know you didn't intend to, but I just I got the idea and I, uh, I just don't it has a lot of ethical merit to make people think something. You know? And then prey on their emotions.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1228
Oscar

Michael, if I gave you...

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1229
Michael

No, hey it's just kinda uncool, okay? I, just... Play fair, you know, play fair.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1230
Oscar

Thank you.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1231
Michael

Thank you.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1232
Oscar

Okay.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1233
Meredith

Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age.'

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1234
Michael

Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1235
Meredith

No, I...I get it. It's funny.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1236
Michael

You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, Okay, here's a good one. Um...'Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back.' 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1237
Meredith

You're right. You're right. Yes.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1238
Michael

Divorce. Um... Okay, 'Meredith is so old...'

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1239
Oscar

How old is she?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1240
Michael

If everybody... could do it? 'Meredith is so old...'

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1241
Everybody

How old is she?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1242
Michael

She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her.'

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1243
Michael

What's the difference between Meredith and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson's surgery was unnecessary.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1244
Meredith

You're talking about my hysterectomy.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1245
Michael

Yes! Thank you. God. She gets it. We just picked the best one right? Just had it.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1246
Pam

I'm so sorry. ... seriously, we're just...

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1247
Michael

Um, no, no. Come on. No. Don't comfort... don't comfort her, that's not... She doesn't need comforting. We're just joking around. I think she's... No that's very unprofessional. I think she's being very unprofessional over there.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1248
Dwight

I'm only going to ask you this once. Are you part of an alliance?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1249
Ryan

What?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1250
Dwight

Well played.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1251