Toby Flenderson Quotes from The Office (page 2)

Human resources, and Michael's least favorite person.

936 quotes · page 2 of 10

1. I'm not processing this.

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2. He seems fine to me.

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3. That's no burst pipe.

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4. Hey.

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5. Mmm-hmm.

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6. Yeah.

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7. Yeah.

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8. What are you talking about?

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9. Yeah.

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10. Honestly, I don't even hear her anymore. It's like waves crashing against the beach.

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11. Been to Amsterdam.

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12. To Amsterdam.

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13. Umm... After my divorce. Yeah.

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14. Uh, about a week. Er... .um... .maybe a month. I uh can't...

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15. Come on.

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16. Okay, tell them what you wanted to say.

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17. Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh... let's go draw.

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18. I think these belong to you.

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19. Believe me, she has enough toys... she doesn't need your watch.

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20. Is everything okay?

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21. Uh... it's true...

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22. Mmhmm.

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23. Well, you need a wife first, or at least a girlfriend.

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24. Not Jan.

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25. If you really want to have kids, I--- I guess you could somehow... foster parent, or something.

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26. Somehow.

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27. Yes.

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28. Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?

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29. Who brought in donuts?

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30. Happy birthday!

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31. I... guess I forgot.

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32. Are you serious?

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33. Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible.

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34. I don't really think people are in the laughing mood.

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35. I work here.

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36. Oh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing.

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37. Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.

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38. No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors.

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39. You can't do that.

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40. That's not random.

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41. Michael's behavior is erratic and unpredictable, but I don't think he's doing drugs. Maybe he should. Take the edge off. Uh, not at work, of course.

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42. You know, sometimes I wish we just didn't have a conference room. You know? He couldn't do that.

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43. Yeah.

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44. Bye.

    Season 2 · Episode 20 · Line 8748

45. Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today.

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46. It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.

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47. Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please?

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48. Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen.

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49. These things just have a way of working themselves out.

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50. It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it.

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51. Okay.

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52. That was the right decision for me and my marriage.

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53. You solved it?

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54. Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out.

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55. Mmm-Hm.

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56. I... I can't do that.

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57. That...

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58. It's all Dwight's.

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59. Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.

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60. Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. Thisis January through March of this year.

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61. Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.

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62. To your HR representative.

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63. Fine, I'll take your name off. So no one will know.

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64. Sure.

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65. Just take it.

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66. Talk to Michael. I gave him the box.

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67. Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?

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68. I'll call.

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69. I have good cards.

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70. I don't really play cards, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling.

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71. Frustrating.

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72. OK I think Oscar would just like if you used 'lame' or something like that.

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73. No not really...

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74. Apparently you called Oscar 'faggie' for liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie.

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75. All right Michael, but Oscar's really gay.

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76. I mean for real.

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77. No, I mean he's attracted to other men.

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78. OK, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual homosexual. Yeah, he told me this morning. And, obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion.

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79. OK, Michael, are you aware that you ousted Oscar today?

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80. All right, now Oscar's feeling discriminated against by his co-workers, primarily Angela, and um, that's your fault.

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81. Michael?

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82. What?

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83. Really? She's dating?

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84. Hey, Pam.

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85. It's, uh... I was... might ask if you wanted...

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86. Um, if, uh... um... I just completely forgot what I was going to say. It's so weird.

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87. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9827

88. Michael, look. I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die. And I had to keep going.

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89. What?

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90. It was obvious...

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91. Well, I am trained in grief counseling, but, ahh, I don't think that's what they need right now.

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92. Well, as you know, Ed Truck passed away. So, I'm here to talk about it if anyone would like to.

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93. Is anyone having any trouble eating?

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94. Concentrating? Is anyone having trouble getting their work done today?

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95. Well, look, sometimes things crop up later. So, uhh, you should know I'm always available if anyone would like to talk.

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96. Michael, I'm sorry...

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97. Yeah, the ball-throwing exercise is in the binder. It's in the section marked, 'Fun Ways To Make Brainstorming Sessions Explode With Excitement and Creativity.'

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98. Second?

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99. Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these.

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100. Yes.

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