Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 68)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 68 of 69

1. Uncanny.

   Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59099

2. You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing'none of these people are good enough.

   Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59113

3. What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet, it might be the most logical thing I've ever said.

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4. Is-

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5. The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is Dwight K. Schrute.

   Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59119

6. I think you might want to kneel for this. And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no one. That's it. You look really, really good.

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7. Hey.

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8. You all right? What's going on?

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9. Yes, I'm happy.

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10. Yeah.

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11. What?

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12. Pam.

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13. This was my decision, not yours.

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14. You didn't force me.

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15. You did not force me to do this.

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16. I don't know how else to tell you.

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17. Resent you?

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18. Is that really what you think?

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19. Not enough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so, you know what? I know it's against the rules but I'm gonna need a favor from you guys.

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20. You threw the summoning bag at me, sir?

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21. Perform a test.

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22. Ooh, I like where this is going. Unfortunately I have a lot of work today so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. But, don't worry, he's the best in the biz.

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23. Unless you think he can't handle it.

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24. All right.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59206

25. Thank you.

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26. Well I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and you wouldn't believe me, so I needed a little help.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59298

27. OK, I don't have my pocket code chart on me, right now, so.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59300

28. I have an assistant now, who can help you with whatever you need. He is lazy, so crack the whip.

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29. Ok, um, this is''I'll be right back.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59305

30. What do we got?

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31. Wow! Congratulations, that's a really big step.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59308

32. Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy.

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33. That's a lot of pros.

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34. So what is the problem?

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35. I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation.

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36. Love.

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37. Dwight, listen: no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59320

38. Not as good as you.

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39. You got it.

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40. You watched it.

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41. Well, then I guess you're ready for this.

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42. It's from the teapot. Everything you'll ever need to know is in that note. Not enough for me? You are everything.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59329

43. Here we go.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59387

44. Umm'.

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45. I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too.

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46. Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center.

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47. Can you clap! Can you clap for mom?

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48. And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese.

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49. Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready 'cause I want to pack in a lot.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59441

50. Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59443

51. Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight'only good surprises. 'Guten Pranken'.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59445

52. Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up?

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53. Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.

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54. Hey man, good to see you.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59482

55. Hey!

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59491

56. Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? 'Guten Prank' number one.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59504

57. And Jim will say nothing.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59507

58. Yeah?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59515

59. Wow! That sounds incredible.. Oh, guys. Limo's here. Let's do this. Change if you need to.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59517

60. Get out.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59526

61. No, Dwight. You'll be doing the whacking.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59528

62. Of course I did.

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63. Yeah! Guten Prank number two.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59534

64. Private Room.

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65. Enjoy, enjoy.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59538

66. Okay, man, easy.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59540

67. Hey, dude, leave him alone. What are you doing?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59542

68. Oh, it's the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59614

69. They think it was Mose.

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70. Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town?

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71. Mm, hey driver. Why don't you take us to 3030 Adams?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59622

72. Is that Mose?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59623

73. Ooh.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59632

74. Nope, not a prank. I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59634

75. Okay, just talk.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59636

76. I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow's his wedding day. You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59639

77. Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59650

78. Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or'

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59654

79. Right.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59656

80. Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59662

81. Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59664

82. She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that's fine.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59679

83. O-Kay.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59681

84. Um, you know what, I actually didn't handle that move, uh, very gracefully. From not communicating to being a little selfish.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59694

85. You ready?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59737

86. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Um' I don't know how to tell you this, but' we have a little bit of a problem.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59739

87. The minister just told me that it's tradition for the Bestish Mensch to be older than the groom.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59741

88. I haven't heard of it, obviously. But I'm out because I am significantly younger than you-

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59743

89. I think it's definitely' Well, okay. Either way'

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90. Either way, Dwight' I can't be there for you. I'm sorry.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59747

91. I just'really wish there was something I could do.

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92. Best prank ever.

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93. See, now you don't owe me anything.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59761

94. I gotta get out of this dress.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59814

95. What's going on?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59816

96. No, really, what's going on?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59819

97. Sorry, how long have you been showing the house?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59821

98. That's why it's so clean.

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59823

99. I mean, you were gonna do this without me?

    Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59825

100. Oh' okay. Where would we go?

     Season 9 · Episode 23 · Line 59827