Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 29, 2012.
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Dwight
Come -- come with me.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54948
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Oscar
What are you doing?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54949
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Dwight
There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54950
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Meredith
Yahtzee.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54951
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Trevor
Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54952
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Kevin
I am Oscar Martinez.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54953
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Angela
No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54954
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Kevin
Wha-- wh--
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54955
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Angela
You know, there's doughnuts in the break room.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54956
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Kevin
Nice! Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54957
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Jim
Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54958
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Stanley
Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54959
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Jim
All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's-- that's decorative.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54960
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Phyllis
No, there's wine in here.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54961
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Jim
Still decorative.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54962
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Stanley
Is it white wine?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54963
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Jim
No.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54964
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Phyllis
Can you help me?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54965
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Jim
Don't-- don't-- don't pole people with knives.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54966
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Phyllis
ha ha!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54967
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Jim
Phyllis! Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54968
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Stanley
Ooh, bring it over.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54969
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Phyllis
Got it.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54970
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Dwight
There's no time to explain. Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54971
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Oscar
Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54972
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Dwight
What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54973
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Oscar
I don't know what you're talking about.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54974
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Dwight
Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about. Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54975
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Dwight
Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54976
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Trevor
Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might-- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54977
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Dwight
No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54978
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Trevor
I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues-- Stop! No!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54979
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Oscar
I got it.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54980
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Dwight
Disarm!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54981
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Trevor
You don't--
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54982
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Dwight
Don't move. And disarm now!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54983
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Trevor
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54984
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Dwight
No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54985
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Erin
Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54986
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Nellie
Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54987
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Creed
Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54988
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Pam
Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, 'Hey, kool-aid.' Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54989
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Pete
Did she buy it?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54990
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Pam
Basically I couldn't tell, but I think...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54991
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Nellie
Were they angry?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54992
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Pam
I-- I thought they were confused at least...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54993
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Nellie
Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54994
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Erin
Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54995
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Everyone
[cheering]
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54996
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Kevin
Nice. Nice.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54997
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Creed
You did good. You did good.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54998
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Pete
See ya later, Heymont.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54999
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Dwight
No.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55000
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Trevor
If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55001
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Oscar
What the hell, Dwight?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55002
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Dwight
See ya later, Trevor.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55003
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Oscar
you are incorrigible!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55004
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Dwight
I just saved your life. You're welcome!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55005
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Oscar
You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55006
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Angela
You deserved every bit of it! You made my husband gay.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55007
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Oscar
What-- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55008
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Angela
No. No.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55009
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Oscar
Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55010
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Angela
Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55011
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Oscar
Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55012
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Angela
God!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55013
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Oscar
Aah!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55014
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Angela
You were supposed to be my friend.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55015
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Oscar
I'm so sorry. Angela--
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55016
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Dwight
Oscar.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55017
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Pete
Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55018
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Everyone
[cheers and applause]
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55019
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Pete
For insulting a client's recently deceased mother.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55020
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Nellie
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55021
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Pam
I did not know that.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55022
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Pete
Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55023
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Pam
I'm so sorry.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55024
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Meredith
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55025
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Pete
yeah. That's-- that is terrible.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55026
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Everyone
[cheers and applause as Pete puts last card on tower]
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55027
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Kevin
You did it.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55028
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Erin
Yeah!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55029
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Angela
I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55030
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Dwight
You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55031
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Angela
Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes!
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55032
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Dwight
I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55033
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Angela
I don't like your friend Trevor.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55034
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Dwight
I don't like him either. And yet I really like him.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55035
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Jim
Well, we're here. Perfect.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55036
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Phyllis
We're gonna cover for you, ya know.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55037
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Stanley
[chuckles]
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55038
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Jim
Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or--
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55039
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Stanley
I did enjoy grinding your beans, son.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55040
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Phyllis
Yeah, we really did peel your grapes.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55041
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Jim
This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all--
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55042
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Stanley
Shuckin' your peas.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55043
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Jim
Shuckin' the peas. You should go back to the first part, though. You are gonna cover for me?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55044
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Stanley
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55045
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Phyllis
Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55046
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Jim
Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55047