Every line from The Office season 9, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 25, 2012.
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Jim
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53979
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Businessman #2
And the graphic designer is going to be sending in some of the logo treatments. I can't wait to see them.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53980
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Businessman #3
You guys rock.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53981
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Businessman #1
I killed it.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53982
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Businessman #2
I've also been running the numbers and between our backers and our own investments, we're looking great for a full year on this.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53983
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Jim
Oh, uh, is it too late to get in?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53984
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Businessman #3
Oh Jim, I explained everything. So you're all set.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53985
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Jim
Oh, I actually talked to my wife and we'd really like to uh you know, invest - get in on the ground floor.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53986
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Businessman #2
Wow, well what level of investment were you thinking about?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53987
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Jim
We were thinking somewhere between five - ten thousand? I can do the full ten thousand. We should just - - all in.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53988
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Businessman #3
Welcome aboard!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53989
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Jim
All right. Awesome. Cool.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53990
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Dwight
Hi Daryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53991
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Nellie
You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53992
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Dwight
That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53993
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Darryl
I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53994
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Dwight
So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53995
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Darryl
Get under your chin first. Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53996
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Dwight
Is that where the nanobots like to come in?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53997
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Darryl
Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53998
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Dwight
Is that how they like to get in?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 53999
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Darryl
Yeah, that's crazy.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54000
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Dwight
I don't know. I just don't know.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54001
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Andy
Yo! Bad boys of a capella.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54002
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HCT
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54003
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Andy
Heard any good stories lately? Or new twists on old stories?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54004
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HCT Member #3
Yeah, I got a call from Broccoli Rob. I guess you really are the Boner Champ.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54005
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Andy
Did he tell you how I got the name?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54006
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HCT Member #3
No.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54007
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Andy
Spring sing '95. Got completely ripped on Bud Dries. I had sex with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know. Took the face off. It just seemed easier that way.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54008
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Angela
And I told Phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted. So, anyway... Hi! Oh, Oscar, remember my husband, the senator?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54009
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Oscar
Senator Lipton, nice to see you.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54010
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Senator Lipton
Nice to see you Oscar.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54011
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Angela
Wait a second, who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54012
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Senator Lipton
So Oscar, you're a dinosaur.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54013
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Oscar
Actually I'm the electoral college.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54014
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Senator Lipton
Ouch! Right on target.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54015
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Angela
You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk, okay? Sorry babe.. Phyllis!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54016
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Senator Lipton
God, it's just so good to see you.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54017
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Oscar
I, uh, huh, just
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54018
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Senator Lipton
All having this wonderful Halloween gathering. Excuse me, is that punch?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54019
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Andy
They didn't know about the snowman story, and when I told 'em, they were not impressed.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54020
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Erin
What is with these turkeys?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54021
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Andy
Right?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54022
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Erin
Hey! You better do 'Faith.' You get me?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54023
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HCT Member #3
We don't know it.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54024
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Erin
So learn it. You all go to Cornell, you're like eight Rain men. Just learning the friggin' song.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54025
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HCT Member #3
Look, I know it was big with the old guys, but--
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54026
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Erin
Buts... are for pooping. Okay? Make it work. You have to or Andy will flip out... And make it a surprise, please. This isn't stupid.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54027
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Pete
What?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54028
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Toby
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54029
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Dwight
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54030
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Nellie
Hey Toby.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54031
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Toby
Are... are you me?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54032
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Nellie
Yes.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54033
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Toby
Oh my goodness, look. Look at this.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54034
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Nellie
Yeah. I...
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54035
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Toby
[unintelligible mumbling]
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54036
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Nellie
Yes. I thought I'd you know, be you.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54037
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Toby
Look at.. Look at me.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54038
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Nellie
It's funny right?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54039
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Dwight
All right. All right, just ...stay focused on the pill.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54040
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Nellie
Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54041
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Dwight
You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. I have land disputes I've got to settle and idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er- do- well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54042
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Meredith
Cool. Free upper.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54043
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Dwight
Ah ha! Ha!!! The jig is up, psychopath! Ah yeah! Gotcha!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54044
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Meredith
Don't dog catch me!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54045
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Dwight
Gotcha! Yeah! Let's see ya get out of this web, huh?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54046
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Meredith
Let me out!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54047
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Nellie
The pill is mine.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54048
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Dwight
What?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54049
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Nellie
Get her out.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54050
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Dwight
Oh.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54051
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Meredith
Stop baggin' my head!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54052
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Nellie
Oh Dwight, look, its just a pill, all right? It's for anxiety. I take it every day. And it makes me feel better. And maybe it could help you too.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54053
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Pam
Hey, how'd it go?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54054
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Jim
Oh man, it was great. They were great.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54055
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Pam
Did you end up investing?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54056
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Jim
I did, yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54057
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Pam
How much?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54058
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Jim
Uh, man, by the end I guess it was about... ten...
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54059
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Pam
About ten?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54060
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Jim
Ten. It was the full ten.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54061
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Pam
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54062
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54063
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Pam
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54064
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Jim
Yeah. Yeah. It's a good thing we talked about it though, because we had to...
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54065
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Pam
No yeah. Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54066
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54067
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Pam
So did everybody ...
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54068
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Jim
What is it?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54069
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Pam
Did everybody end up investing ten thousand?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54070
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Jim
Um, oh man, I don't actually know.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54071
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Pam
What?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54072
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Jim
They weren't really talking that much about money. They just said, We're good with investing and then I...and I...
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54073
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Andy
Ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble!
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54074
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HCT
[vocalizing]
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54075
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Pam
They said they were done with the investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54076
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Jim
No, no, I had to. Look, I needed to look like a team player, Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54077
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Pam
So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player?
Season 9 · Episode 5 · Line 54078