Every line from The Office season 9, episode 21, in script order. First aired May 2, 2013.
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Dwight
There it is.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58605
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Sensei
Congratulations.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58606
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Dwight
We did it, we did it. I love you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58607
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Sensei
Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58608
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Dwight
Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You're gonna watch me right?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58609
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Sensei
Yes, I will.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58610
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Dwight
Sensei, you're not watching.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58611
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Sensei
Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58612
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Dwight
Watching?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58613
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Sensei
I'm watching.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58614
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Dwight
Watch this part, okay?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58615
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David Wallace
Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58616
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Sensei
Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58617
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David Wallace
He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58618
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Sensei
Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he's one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58619
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Esther
Oh! I'm am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58620
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Jim
I really felt like I almost lost her, and'and nothing is worth that.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58621
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David Wallace
Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58622
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Clark
Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58623
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Dwight
You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58624
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Clark
All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58625
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Dwight
Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58626
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David Wallace
So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58627
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Jim
Again.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58628
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David Wallace
Again! And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58629
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Jim
Not at all. It should be Dwight.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58630
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David Wallace
You sure?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58631
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Jim
You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh'
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58632
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David Wallace
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58633
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Jim
Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58634
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Nellie
Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58635
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Andy
It's now or never.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58636
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Nellie
Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58637
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Andy
Yeah, sure. What's your question?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58638
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Kevin
Our question is'it seems dumb.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58639
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Andy
Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58640
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Nellie
Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and 'full-ass' it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58641
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Andy
Nah. I like my plan better.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58642
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Kevin
Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58643
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Andy
What?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58644
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Oscar
No, I don't think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58645
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Jim
Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58646
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Pam
Yes. Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58647
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Jim
I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58648
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Pam
Oh, boy. Um'
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58649
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Jim
If you could help me out, that would be'
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58650
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Pam
I could give you some beginner stickies?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58651
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Jim
Anything would help.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58652
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Pam
Here you go.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58653
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Jim
Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58654
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Pam
Mm-hmm.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58655
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Jim
Wow, that's'
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58656
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Pam
It's all yours.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58657
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Jim
You come so prepared. Aspirin.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58658
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Dwight
You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58659
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Jim
Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58660
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Dwight
Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58661
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Jim
No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58662
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Dwight
Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58663
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Jim
I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58664
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Dwight
Hello.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58665
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Andy
Well, hello.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58666
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Dwight
Big day for you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58667
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Andy
Big day for you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58668
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Dwight
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58669
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Andy
Love the belt.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58670
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Dwight
Oh, yes.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58671
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Andy
You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out!
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58672
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Dwight
This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58673
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Andy
Thank you, I appreciate that. 'Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58674
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Dwight
Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58675
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Andy
No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58676
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Dwight
Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don't quit your day job.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58677
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Andy
Nothing is impossible to him who will try. Alexander the Great, if he were cockney.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58678
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Dwight
You're bad.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58679
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Andy
I'm gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58680
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Andy
Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58681
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Erin
So true. Is there a question, or are'what?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58682
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Andy
Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58683
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Erin
Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58684
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58685
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David Wallace
You can stay on as a salesman, Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58686
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58687
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David Wallace
Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58688
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Dwight
Say it again.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58689
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David Wallace
Will you be the new manager?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58690
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Dwight
Where?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58691
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David Wallace
Where?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58692
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Dwight
What branch?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58693
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David Wallace
Here. Scranton. Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58694
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Dwight
I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58695
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David Wallace
What?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58696
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Dwight
But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute' Manager.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58697
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David Wallace
Why do you already have this?
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58698
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Dwight
In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58699
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David Wallace
I know.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58700
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Dwight
I will never, ever let you down.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58701
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David Wallace
I know, Dwight. I know. Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58702
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Pam
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58703
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Jim
Wow, hey.
Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58704